


Undercover

by corviine, ThisPeep



Category: Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Drugs, M/M, Rated for future chapters, Self-Harm, Toxic Relationships, also jim and vic are both sort of in love with sherlock, also theres death fixation and romanticization later as well, angst like mad, i think thats all warnings, rp fic, set after reichenbach, suicide attempts and thoughts, the non-con and underage is from jim's backstory, who they think is dead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-25 04:14:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 68,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3796312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corviine/pseuds/corviine, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisPeep/pseuds/ThisPeep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moriarty killed Sherlock. The man Victor loved, the man he'd wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He goes to get revenge, but of course, things never go as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Principal in Classroom

Jim didn't really pay much attention to workers near the bottom. Unless it was someone who was high enough up to know actual secrets, it's not as though they needed to be cleared every now and then. He didn't check them for traitorous activity, or care if they went to jail for getting caught doing a crime that wasn't related to Jim's network. However, every now and then someone would catch his eye. Sebastian had, by moving up the ranks efficiently. But that was old news, now, and this 'Victor' was new. Jim had only noticed him in the past few weeks, but his attention, after getting drawn to Victor, had stuck.

So, clearly, Jim wanted to pay a little bit of a visit. Not to his place, that'd be a bit odd, but Jim could easily drop in on a little meeting. Victor and a few others that were his rank were getting briefed by David since... an hour ago. And Jim was on his way, just to pop in and say hi. He stepped out of the car, straightening out his suit, then walked in. It didn't take him long to find the "hidden" room near the back, simply raising an eyebrow at the guard then stepping through when he opened the door. "Hello." Jim trilled, eyes trailing over the men sitting around a table, settling his gaze on Victor for a moment before moving it to David. "Do I hope I'm not interrupting anything. Carry on, I'll just watch till you're done."

 

Maybe it was a bad plan. Just maybe, it was one of the worst plans that Victor had ever had, but there was no way that he could pull out now. He was no longer associated with MI6, at least (or as disassociated as one could get, having worked there for a number of years; there was only so much he could avoid), so perhaps that was a little less worrying than it could have been. But the fact remained that he was not entirely in the same position as the other people of the same rank as him. Still-- what did he have to lose? (Logically speaking, there was quite a list, but he was ignoring it.)

The sight of the man himself, though? That was new, and god, his mind immediately jumped to that one conclusion-- he had to know. But... there was no indication that Moriarty thought he had done anything wrong, yet. Quite the opposite, if he was here to watch the remainder of this, theoretically-- or perhaps it was nothing to do with him at all. Victor took a deep breath and forced himself to focus, though the flickering movement of his fingers against his knee betrayed him just a little.

 

Jim listened silently. Or, well, maybe listened was too strong a word. His gaze was centered on David and he appeared to be at least mildly attentive, but the noise that pushed it's way through David's throat was of no interest to Jim. Hell, the mission could be a complete, catastrophic failure and Jim still wouldn't really care. It was still low down enough that it was unimportant. David was thrilled to think of how high up he was, how trusted he was, but he was still little more than a pawn. As was Victor, technically, but Jim had actual plans for Victor. He didn't want that talent to be wasted on having to steadily climb the ranks. That was boring, and slow, and Jim was far more impatient than people assumed he was. 

So he blocked out everything but Victor, his attention focused solely on his without looking at him at all. Peripheral vision, glorious thing. Jim had already noticed everyone else was blatantly nervous with Moriarty being there, but the only indication Victor showed was his fingers tapping his knee. Impressive. If Jim was a lesser man he'd have thought the man didn't care at all. Thankfully, he wasn't, and Jim waited for the meeting to be wrapped up and everyone to awkwardly start getting ready to go before he finally moved his gaze to Victor, smiling pleasantly. "Mr. Trevor, I'm afraid you'll have to stay after class." 

It was near impossible to truly focus on anyone apart from the new man in the room, for Victor. The words washed over him however much he tried to focus on what he was being told, his attention fixed on Moriarty. He wasn't looking at him, quite, but he was taking note of his movements, as they were, and he was listening far more to the small details than the words. Of course, it was going to be disastrous later, most likely, if he was actually required to remember anything about what he had been told. Was this reasonable, or-- no, it wasn't the time.

Victor tensed up as he was spoken to, slipping his hands into his pockets and trying his very best to appear at least mildly confident in what he was saying. "Am I to be scolded, or otherwise?" Well, it was a start.

Jim grinned. "No, no, of course not darling." He simpered, not offering up any more information after. He fell into silence, deciding to not reply if Victor spoke until everyone else left, then watched the last man leave before Jim straightened up and took a few steps forward. "You, Mr. Trevor, have been very poorly behaved, hm?" Of course, he hadn't, but Jim needed to check to see if the statement arose unnecessary amounts of panic. Better to find out he was a traitor now than later.

"Or very well behaved, depending on how you're looking at it." He added, giving a self conscious shrug, like he hadn't meant to purposely spook Victor. "Anyway-- you're no longer on your little... team. I know, I know, sort of sudden but don't worry, you probably won't be killed. Actually, I want you to kill someone for me, personally. Interested?"

Well, that was the least reassuring thing he had been told in a while. And this was the least reassuring man he had met in a while-- not really matched by anyone who had been in charge of a great deal of his life before. It was something of a miracle that he managed to keep calm enough to raise his eyebrows at Jim's assertion that he had been poorly behaved, or otherwise, as it might just happen, rather than entirely panicking and giving the whole game away. Of course, it wasn't the first time he had been in this kind of situation. He _did_ have quite a bit of experience with concealment. 

He took a breath that was just a little deeper and more relieved than it might have been otherwise, and quirked the corner of his mouth up in a tiny smile. "A privilege indeed, I'm sure." He hadn't actually meant to sound sarcastic, but he had this awful feeling that there had been a hint there, which he tried his best to rectify the next time he spoke. "I'd hardly turn down an opportunity like that."

Oh good, probably not someone here to take down the big bad Moriarty and all he stood for. Or someone who was just better than most. Either way, Jim could use him. Correction: either way, Jim would use him. He stopped an amused smile and the barely concealed sarcasm, honestly it would have been more fun if he didn't be all proper and well behaved around Jim. But most were, and Jim was used to it. It was safer, after all. Jim didn't allow many people to mouth off to him and live to tell the tale.

"Oh, you're too sweet." Jim held a hand to over his heart with a smile, then dropped them both at the same. "Annoyingly sweet. I didn't come here to get flattered, Mr. Trevor, I came here to watch you kill an innocent girl for me. And when I say innocent, trust me when I say I do mean it. Picked her at random. She's seventeen. I do hope you don't mind, but welllll, I do have to test your loyalty a bit before your actual job offer. So, darling, you still up for it?"

Oh, _great._ This was where it became difficult in a whole new dimension; while Victor's moral complex could tend towards variability, he was generally dealing with people who had done something to cause their demise. Not that it really changed a lot when it came to his regrets, and his hopes when it came to where ever they were now. God, it wasn't the time.

His expression hardened, but he nodded. Right, drop the façade, just a little-- just in the sense that he needed to be _real_ , and not an irritating suck-up (there were enough of those already). He was just about to accept, but-- "It's not much of a test. Following orders mindlessly? You have plenty of people who would be excellent at doing just that, and would have no qualms about killing as many as you could possibly hope for. It's senseless. Anything of real substance would have a reason behind it, good or not--- even if the victim is an innocent, which is an important distinction. Something about autonomy."

Oh, that was good. Good reasoning, very convincing, almost impressive. "Now now, Mr. Trevor, be careful there. You're starting to sound like you'd have an issue with killing a young, defenseless girl for the sole purpose of me wanting you to." And of course, Victor had a point. It wasn't very good as a test a merit, but it was a fast and easy way to weed out most uncover agents. They always thought they could get away with letting the person go and faking their murder. Never worked. Poor dears.

It wasn't a guarantee, but it was pretty damn close. Anyone who passed would be worth letting close, even if they did hold some justice-based intent. "And besides, now it's not mindless, you questioned it. Good job, darling, you're no longer a silly little worker bee." Jim flashed a smirk, not bothering to let the expression reach his eyes. "Now, to murder or to keep arguing with me and lose your window of opportunity?" 

It would be easy to twist this around in his head, to make it a little more okay. He could give the girl a quick, clean death, and spare her whatever else might happen if he left it to someone else, or left her to be used for whatever other purpose Moriarty might have. It would be _easy_ to find a way to justify it to himself, even if he would never be able to fully believe himself. He could think of it as for the 'greater good', but that was a dangerous path to go down, and he didn't believe that either. He drew himself up and met the other man's gaze, and gave a curt nod.

"Fine," he answered, cold, even. If he didn't do this now... he would lose his opportunity, he was almost entirely sure. "If it's such a requirement. Though I'm quite sure the questioning makes very little difference to the semantics."

Jim shrugged, returning to his position of leaning against the wall. "Not much, admittedly. But it does make you more interesting, which will probably lead to a longer life as long as you don't get too cocky about it." Victor sounded annoyed, it was lovely. He couldn't quite see the point, hm? And because of that, he wasn't pleased with having to do it. Jim could see how the man had gotten to this level so quickly, in comparison to others. Or perhaps he was just reluctant because he had morals, in which case he would be easy to break.

"Good. Oh, and remember to show off. A executioner kill isn't what you're going for here, darling." Most of Jim's men started out having a least a bit of a moral compass, but it was never very had to eradicate. When they'd done too much evil they had no choice but to stop caring. Jim had to stop a smile from forming on his lips-- he always liked getting a new person to tear down then rebuild. 

'Show off' was suitably vague, at least. Victor's plan of action would have to be something dramatic, classic, but quick when performed properly. Now, he was perfectly aware that Moriarty would most likely know that he had chosen such a method for those reasons, but it would just have to do. There was something to be said to quick, efficient kills, which left him free to get away swiftly in a more realistic setting. The morality would have to be secondary, for now. It would haunt his dreams and prayers, but could not afford to change his plan of action. _And Victor, what on Earth do you have to lose apart from yourself?_

And so, when the time was correct, a matt black blade was produced and he moved ever so fast, his movements precise and practised. It was clear he had done this before, whatever the motivations. Drawn swiftly, deeply across the throat, it was suitably dramatic, and if not clean, it was at least very neat. And he even managed to avoid staining his jeans, which was quite the miracle.

Merciful. But definitely flashy, and nice to watch. Clearly guilt stopped him from doing anything slow, but that was alright. Victor'd learn not to care, eventually. Jim watched the growing pool of blood with mild interest, but it didn't hold his attention for very long. "Well, that certainly counted as showing off." Jim commented, walking around the blood and facing Victor, then holding out a hand for Victor to shake.

"Welcome to my network, darling. Or, well, welcome to not being completely and utterly expendable. You'll get shiny, true information. If you're plotting my downfall, feel free to be thrilled. And if you're not, be thrilled anyway. More flattering to me."

It seemed almost too easy, which was ridiculous, when he considered that of all things, to murder an innocent could not be considered an easy option. Still, it made him wary, and it took him a moment to switch the knife to his other hand, and shake Moriarty's. "Absolutely thrilled," he assured him, despite the fact that it could mean just about anything in that moment. He allowed the corner of his mouth to pull up again, and relaxed back into that previous air of confidence. "This route sounds far less tedious than the previous one. Can't _stand_ the monotony of that sort of thing, usually."

Jim couldn't help a small grin when Victor confirmed how thrilled he was. It almost counted as a risk. It wasn't actually, Jim had added the second part of excuse Victor being excited, but it still implied that Victor was, in fact, planning Jim's downfall. And he was alright with that. People who wanted to take him down and got this far were _fun_. "Mm, well, if you find monotony boring I have some terrible news for you regarding what it's like to live a life of crime." Jim replied, moving his hands behind his back and clasping them together. "You can get rid of a body, yes? I'd hate for you to be found guilty of murder so soon in our new relationship. Quite the mood killer."

Victor let out a huff of breath that was something close to a laugh, though with a rather more nervous edge. There was still an awful lot he was attempting to feel out the boundaries of, after all-- but luckily, he was quite sure that anyone would be, at this point, whatever their intentions happened to be in the long term. "There are some aspects I have experience with in terms of the monotony," he answered. "There are ways of dealing with these things. As for the body-- of course. I'd hate to have come this far for nothing apart from to spoil the effect."

As much as Jim would love to stick around to see Victor presumably internally weep over the body of the dead girl while attempting to keep a stoic face as he got rid of her like spoilt food, Jim simply didn't have the time. Well, he did, but he'd grown relatively tired throughout this. Not of anything in particular, certainly not of Victor, but Jim didn't spend most of his time working over emails from bed because he had energy to spare. "How touching. Have fun, darling." Jim tossed Victor a disposable phone. "Call the number programmed there, my lovely assistant will tell you your new address and some of the other things you want to know." He instructed, then turned and left to return to his flat.

Victor caught the phone and gave the other man a curt nod of thanks, watching him leave with something approaching care, which was mostly due to a degree of self preservation. He just had to hold it together until he was in private-- although, he wasn't sure that he was going to manage to achieve complete privacy in any place that he had been sent to live by Jim Moriarty. MI6 had been a bit like that too, honestly. He was going to have to be incredibly careful from now on.


	2. Student in Office

Jim got home quickly, telling Sebastian to assign someone to make sure Victor was doing as he was told. It wouldn't be very helpful to have the dead girl show up in a morgue with people investigating her death without Jim being forewarned-- and besides, it'd be nice to know how good Victor was at covering up a kill. Jim retreated to his bed, taking out his laptop and doing some more work over emails.

Victor covered up the death as carefully as he could manage, though his attention to detail was quite significant. It was partly due to all those years of seeing deaths which had been covered up, and then there was Sherlock, and-- the thought was a slice of pain he would rather not contemplate, even if that meant bleeding out in silence. It was all very metaphorical.

Jim didn't have any real reason to call on Victor for a while. His higher ups did less work, but when they did get work it tended to be much harder. So a few days passed without Jim contacting Victor in any way, but then he was very suddenly needed. Well, not him in particular, but considering he was probably a double agent Jim decided to chose him. And because Jim was very partial to drama, Victor was informer via a time and location written on the back of a receipt of his, an M at the bottom to say who it was from. Jim, of course, walked in fifteen minutes late with a smile on his face. "Mr. Trevor. I haven't kept you waiting, have I?"

Victor had started to get worried, honestly. There was a huge amount of paranoia which came with knowing that he _had_ done something wrong, and that there was every chance something dreadful would happen to him because of it. So, when the summons finally came, it was almost a relief-- but not for all that long; it just meant there was more to do, and more danger of being found out. He was beginning to think this idea had been terrible in the first place, but there was absolutely no backing out now. Victor stood when Jim finally arrived, answering, "Not unduly, I'm sure."

Jim held back a grin. Not unduly. Of course not. Victor'd barely been with him for a cough and already he was so well behaved. Really was trying to keep this job, then. At the very least, Jim commended his dedication, even if Victor did look a tad... terrified. Just a bit, though, he was hiding it very well. "Quite right, Trevor." Jim replied, closing the door behind him and walking into the room. "I have a job for you, honey. There's a sweet little precinct nearby that's been causing me trouble. I want you to go in and kill a few particular people. I'll text you the names."

God, wasn't he supposed to be able to manage this better? He decided to blame the months between his leaving his last job and securing a place here, and the fact that this time, he had no backup. No one would come and try to get him out if he fucked up-- hell, no one even knew he was trying to take something like this alone on, let alone be willing to help. Maybe a few old friends, but... It didn't matter. He gave a tiny nod, studying the man closely. "Right. Details?"

It appeared as though that instruction caused Jim to fall under scrutiny. Interesting. "The Downing's. And, actually, I'll just tell you the names now. Easier. Pete Iverson and Kate Klells. Nothing fancy. Quick painless death-- they were just doing their jobs, after all. No need for any revenge kills there." Jim wouldn't really care if they did experience pain, of course, but it didn't feel very necessary. And the more instructions he gave the more he could see how well Victor followed them.

At least being given parameters like that meant that there was less unexpected surprises-- he wouldn't do something wrong and not realise. But then again, that probably made it worse if he _did_ do something well. Oh well. Not much to be done about it now. Another businesslike nod as an answer, before: "Understood."

Well, talking to Victor was certainly riveting. Although it's not as though Jim could get a word in edgewise. He repressed a soft laugh at his mental joke, it'd do no good to appear as crazy as most people thought he was. And as he actually was, he supposed. "Brilliant. I'll have someone pick you up after to give you a ride to mine." Well, one of Jim's places. "Don't mind a small talk, hm?"

Okay, so calming down a bit would probably help. There was something to be said for finding a balance, rather than being either overly keen or entirely standoffish. Right at the moment, he doesn't feel like he's doing very well. He let out a long breath, and tried to force himself to calm down. "No, no. Of course not. I'm just... getting used to the situation."

Victor seemed nervous, poor dear. "You feeling alright, Trevor? Don't need to take the afternoon off to rest up, do you? No? Good." Jim straightened his back, considering Victor carefully. "If you're not at my house in forty five minutes considering your contract terminated." Jim doubted he'd have to explain what that actually meant as far as pain levels and chance of survival go. "Car'll be waiting for you on the corner of Bently's and River when you're done. Ta." Jim turned and left, giving Victor a small wave goodbye.

Well, his position was clear, at least. He just really needed to shape the fuck up in the next forty-five minutes, and all would be well. He gave a quick nod of acknowledgement, and once Jim had left, set about with the necessary preparations, working quickly and efficiently.

Jim returned to his house, toying with the idea of not giving Victor a ride and seeing how he dealt with it, but decided against it. He sent the driver and waited, news playing in the background. Could be coverage of it. Probably not until later though.

It was better once he was in the right state of mind for this, and he steeled himself well. The kills were quick and from a distance, although quiet; he didn't much feel like drawing attention to himself and what he had done. Just shots, careful and accurate, into each of their heads with a crossbow he may have lifted from the stores at MI6. Then, all there was was to take the car.

Jim got a text telling him that Victor was in the car from the driver, and Jim smiled. Good. Although that did mean he should probably change back into a suit... nah. Too much work. It wasn't as though he was in his pajamas anyway, just a button down and slacks. He did go to the kitchen, though, to make some tea for when Victor arrived. 

At least Victor had the car ride to make sure he was properly composed, in the right state of mind for dealing with this. It had been a while, and was... difficult. He needed to get used to it again. Although, that was perhaps not a great thing. Oh well; there wasn't much of a choice now either.

Jim finished making the tea and buzzed Victor in once he'd gotten the text saying Mr. Trevor had arrived, sitting down on a sofa in the living room and placing the two mugs on the table. Jim waited until he heard the door open before talking, just loud enough someone at the entrance could hear him. "Ah, glad you could make it. I'm in the living room-- do come in."

Victor made his way towards the sound of Jim's voice, a slight unevenness in his gait after most of the day on his feet. He stood, somewhat awkwardly, unsure as to whether he ought to sit down or not. "Good of you to invite me," he responded, though it was pretty clear he wasn't sure if it was really good or not. "Or something along those lines."

Jim let Victor stand there awkwardly for a while, taking a long sip of his tea to create a stall for time. It was fun seeing him ill at ease. Then Jim put down his cup and relaxed back against the chair. "You're welcome. Do sit down, I made you some tea." He nodded to the chair opposite from his own. "How'd it go?" 

Victor sat and suppressed a groan, shooting the drink a careful glance. He had this feeling that accepting drinks from Moriarty could be dangerous depending on who you were, and refusing them would be dangerous for all. Or he was paranoid. "Fine," he answered evenly, and took it anyway. "Quick and neat, as far as I'm concerned. I wasn't seen."

Trusting. Or maybe just not in a rush to insult Jim. Either way the tea was just tea, albeit rather expensive tea, but not drugged. "Do anything with the bodies?" Jim hadn't told Victor to, which was the same as telling him not to, in Jim's books. He wanted to make a statement. If Victor cleaned up the evidence and left the bodies then everything would have been absolutely perfect.

Victor gave him a careful look, but shook his head faintly. "I made sure that there would be nothing to link back, to the best of my ability, but I didn't move the bodies from where they were." There hadn't been any instruction to remove or hide them, after all. That would be something that probably ought to have been mentioned if there were special requirements.

Jim listened silently, waiting afterwards for a little bit while he looked at Victor evenly. Then he grinned, giving a small nod. "Good job, honey." It was almost impressive. But Jim wanted to know his reasoning. "Why not?"

_God_ , that was a relief. He managed to get himself to relax a bit after that, and answered him with a little more confidence this time. "I decided that if you wanted something specific done with them, you would have told me. It's quite the specific business, after all."

Good. Very good. Jim smiled and gave an approving hum, taking a sip of his tea. "It is. For someone who used to be such a good man, you know how to behave in the world of crime. If I didn't know better I'd say you had an exciting youth." Certainly seemed like the type of man who got out all his rebelliousness in his teen years.

Victor raised an eyebrow, but there was something vaguely amused in his expression. Despite, of course, the suggestion that Jim knew at least something about his past with MI6, or something along those lines. "There were a few years," he answered. "That could have been called exciting, in that way."

"Oh?" Fun. Jim hadn't had much point for bringing Victor here, apart from observing him and now and then toying with him to see how he'd react, so the prospect of getting Victor to talk about his past was a nice one. It would be fun! Possibly a bit painful for Victor, who knows, but that wasn't really Jim's concern at the moment. "Do tell."

"Oh, you know." Victor made a vague dismissive gesture with one hand, indicating it wasn't really terribly important. Of course, he wasn't entirely enthused about telling Jim about his past either. "Bright golden days back at university, while I still had time to waste my life. Probably remembered a bit more positively than they really were, but that's rather the way when it comes to nostalgia."

Jim gave a light laugh, ‘still had time to waste his life’. Good way of putting it. Maybe Jim should bring Victor to a meeting someday, see if he could do well in those. "Mm, I remember University." Although by then Jim had already been deep in the crime life of London. Less pleasant memories from when he wasn't top dog yet. "I think nostalgia is helpful for storytelling." Jim commented, a prompt to get Victor to start.

Victor gave the other man a rather curious look at the mention of at least some part of his own life. He couldn't quite help but wonder about what Jim's past actually held, after all. "It's easy to get carried away when you finally manage to get rid of some of the responsibility," he continued, carefully. "And I think it's kind of traditional to go for it with the drinking and dramatically wooing beautiful people at that point in life."

Jim stopped himself from laughing again, but that really was a very pretty way of saying he got drunk and slept around. Definitely someone to use in bad situations that require some nice talking. And Victor may not even be trying that hard right now. "Sounds fun. Sounds like the type of lifestyle that leaves you to not actually remembering that much clearly, but fun."

Victor allowed himself a more proper smile, and took a sip of the tea before he continued. "Uh huh. I'll admit there are some fuzzy edges on a lot of the memories. But that made it rather more amusing the mornings after. Kind of like a treasure hunt of 'what horribly embarrassing thing did I do last night'."

Jim grinned in amusement-- now that was a feeling he knew well. For different reasons, but still. Drugs and alcohol had some common traits. "Terribly painful treasure hunt, considering the after affects. Worse to find out the what was actually a who, depending on the person." Once or twice it had been nice to find out who, though. "Any terribly embarrassing stories you'd fancy sharing?"

Victor nodded his agreement to that, though he was rather aware that it sounded like Jim had experience in that area. Which was interesting, at least. "Hmm. Not much harm in a few of them, I'm sure." He went quiet, and considered for a moment before continuing. "I'm pretty sure there was a time I walked into a party and someone yelled 'dibs'. It actually went _downhill_ from there."

Jim winced in sympathy, giving an understanding nod. "Oof. It's hard to enjoy pre-party life when the reputation of being promiscuous gets around, hm?" Then everybody thinks they're entitled to sleep with you, no matter how picky one was in reality. Annoying, to say the least. "Still, I think dibs is just about rock bottom. How in the world did it get worse?"

Victor quirked a faint smile, and nodded slightly. "Right. You'd think there would be some kind of advantage, but apparently not." He shrugged; that was the past anyhow. Young, wild days. Things had to be different nowadays. "I can't claim to remember precisely, but I woke up with someone's door-knob in my pocket, and had managed to be in the back seat of a car while it got towed. And some people didn't talk to me for a week. Not my proudest moment."

Now that sounded like there was a very interesting story there, but alas it was lost to memory. Jim took a moment to pout internally, but there was hardly anything to be done about it. "I remember one time I woke up wearing a very feathery vest and had a kitten who seemed very attached to me. Admittedly, I kept it, but still can't remember how the bond formed in the first place." Jim couldn't just say no to a kitten, after all. It was in his main house at the moment, probably causing some trouble. 

Victor couldn't quite help but laugh that time, the very idea being quite amusing. Still, it was a definite laughing _with_ rather than at. "That's the thing about kittens," he said, "They can get a little bit keen. Not that I'd really complain, myself, I mean-- there are far worse fates than small cats who actually seem to like you. Kind of reassuring."

Jim smiled, pleased that Victor had been amused. "Indeed. Except then they get spoiled and grow up and instead of being small, cute things they turn into rather large things who has the tendency to break expensive things." By dropping them on someone's head usually. "Actually, that just might be Tux. I've heard some cats stay pleasant. May just be a myth, though."

"Oh, I think cats are almost universally evil at least some of the time." At least, that was what always seemed to happen, in his experience. Except some people just kept loving them and thinking they were entirely innocent. "Though I suppose it's possible that there may he some truly golden-hearted ones. Somewhere. And not just when they want something."

Jim quirked an eyebrow. "I dunno, they all seem pretty malicious." He mused, then shrugged. "I'll believe a nice cat if I meet one." Which, sadly, wasn't bound to happen any time soon. The only time he met cats was when he went to get something from someone and they had a cat. And those were usually criminals. Who typically didn't have very nice cats.

"If I find a nice cat, I'll keep it and then bring it to see you," Victor promised, not entirely sure himself whether he was being serious or not. "Just to prove they do exist sometimes. Though, I'm not entirely hopeful of finding a perfectly benevolent one." 

Aw, how sweet. Jim gave a soft smile, finishing off his tea before placing the cup down and relaxing back in his chair. "Maybe you can find one that is trained to behave well at other people's house with the promise of food. Give me false hope."

"We all need some false hope from time to time, you know. Perhaps I'll find a cat and train it up myself. It could be an amusing hobby to get involved in." Perhaps totally pointless and really not going to happen, but hey. That wasn't the point. Victor had always liked his fanciful ideas.

Jim laughed lightly at the idea of Victor finding and training a cat just to give some hope. How incredibly touching. "We do. Sadly, life of crime means you rarely get any." Harsh truths were everywhere here. Very rare to get an escape from reality. "Although I do manage to hope I won't have to get out of bed every day."

"Ah well, that's the problem with such hands-on work. And there always seems to be more of it, too. A terrible plight, but worth it." He shrugged slightly. "That would be a luxury indeed, though."

Jim made a soft sound of agreement. Thankfully, his work didn't actually require him to go out too often. Then his only reason to get out of bed was to make tea or fetch something, and those lazy days were lovely. "Maybe I should just retire. Work is far too much work these days." He mused.

"I've got to admit that work does often do that," he pointed out, giving Jim another of those curious little glances. "Could you actually manage to retire, though? I've known quite a few people who have tried three of four times, and always ended up doing something again. They just get bored."

Well, yeah, true. Life without crime would get rather boring. Jim'd end up just killing a few people and then getting annoyed when he had to get rid of the bodies himself. But Jim was often bored with his work anyway, if was only those rare fun ones and the other fun things he could do due to his job that kept him working. "Possibly. I haven't tried before. The power vacuum it'd cause would be far too great for me to simply step back in, anyway. As much as good little people hate me, without me the crime rate would go through the roof."

"There's something to be said for crime being organised," he admitted, giving a little shrug. "At least it's under some kind of control then. It must be a bit of a delicate power balance, though."

"Sometimes. Usually a fair amount of people trying to kill me at any given moment." Although they very, very rarely even made it to any of Jim's houses, whether he was in them or not. Only once did someone get close enough that Sebastian had killed them. "But I do rather have a monopoly, so most have realized that doing as I say is a good idea."

"For some reason." Victor gave a little smile, and then shrugged again faintly. "You do rather give that impression. It would be very hard for anyone to really miss, if they knew about you. Very effective." And it was pretty terrifying, if he said so himself. It was rather the point, probably. He was just being a little truthful.

"That is the hope." And even if that didn't work, Jim rarely went anywhere dangerous without someone to look intimidating in the back corner. "Doesn't always work though. Sometimes those good people I mentioned think they could actually take me down. One day it'll work, but not without me letting it."

"Would you let it?" Victor asked, a frown colouring his expression. It didn't make sense, immediately, and he couldn't quite pull back the question before he had said it. "I mean... what reason would you have for letting something like that happen? I must be missing something."

Oops, bit of a slip from Victor there. Honestly, at this rate he'd never successfully trick Jim into thinking he was loyal. Should step up his game a bit there, Jim would only allow so many slips before he couldn't stand pretending to trust Victor at all. Jim gave a soft smile. "We all get bored, Mr. Trevor. And I don't fancy living into old age. One day I'll let the good guys win, so my death will be on my terms. It's only a matter of when."

Honestly, it was more a matter of curiosity than actually thinking about the implications. Anyone could be curious about something like that, whether they were on one side or the other. (Honestly, at the moment, he was feeling very little allegiance to either. Things seemed to matter very little either way.) And so, he nodded slowly. "I think I can understand that. A matter of choice rather than anything forcing it."

Jim smiled, glad Victor at least knew what he was talking about. "Exactly. Of course, I won't make it easy for them, but at some point I'll more or less give in." He shrugged. It was still a plan for the future, not quite to be implemented yet. There was only so much weight it had before Jim decided it was around time for him to die. "Any ways you're hoping to go out?"

It would be a lie to say that he hadn't thought about it. Some of the situations be bad been in, it was impossible not to think about the preferred way-- especially if you felt, in that moment, as if you were about to die in a way you would never have wanted. "Quickly," he answered finally. "But I think that might be wishful thinking."

Vague. But then again, Jim's plan wasn't terrible specific either. Just let someone kill him at some point, in some way. "Average people usually don't get to die quickly. An upside to a life of crime is the chance of getting shot point blank in the head goes up. S’very quick."

"True," he admitted, his expression perhaps a touch melancholy. "But there's also the chance that someone won't want to give such a merciful death, right? That's when it gets tricky."

Well, yes, there was that. "Only the stupid make sure someone gets a slow, painful death." He pointed out. Much higher chance of getting you caught, or your resources caught. "So just to get on only intelligent people's bad sides."

Victor huffed out a half-laugh, perhaps a little amusement in his tone. "I'll bear that in mind. Make sure I know the relative intelligences of all the people I happen to offend in one way or another."

Jim grinned in amusement. "Well, presently you shouldn't be killing anyone who's stupid. You used to, to be sure, but then you got a promotion so now it should just be powerful, halfway decent crime lords you royally tick off." Higher chance of death, lower chance of painful death. 

"Well, isn't that reassuring." Well, in some sense. Victor was currently less worried about death than he perhaps should be, and at least this was if it happened, it could be quick. "Oh well. It could definitely be worse."

"It could. You could be working for someone who has the tendency to torture his employees to death if they annoy him." Oh wait. Jim paused then flashed a smile, leaning back in his seat. "Oops. Don't worry though, honeybee, that takes multiple special circumstances to happen. Chance is low."

"...Even more reassuring," he answered, after a pause that was mildly awkward and mostly apprehensive, "I'll remember that. And very much try to avoid creating the kind of special circumstances which ends in that." Even though he was more likely than most people to end up in that situation.

Oh, it was fun to see Victor's reaction to that. He looked rather worried. Jim considered telling Victor it was more likely for him to sleep with Victor than slowly and painfully kill him, but decided against it. Less fun. "Good plan." Jim replied. He felt a bit like he'd spoiled the mood, though. "So, fancy telling me more about your past?"

Well, that was a bit of an open question, wasn't it? That made it a little difficult, after all, when half of his past was very much something that shouldn't be talked about and the rest was personal. "What do you want to know?" Victor asked, though he did manage to sound a little more comfortable in the situation this time.

"Well, you definitely have that air of someone who was in some sort of agency." Jim pointed out, giving a light shrug. "Let's start there. Which one, how long, etc." He could always check the information later once he knew which one Victor had been part of, see if he lied about anything.

Ah. Oh dear. This is where it got particularly difficult; Victor had no idea whether it was a better idea to tell the truth or to lie about this particular thing. Perhaps it would be better to tell the truth, rather than to lie and be found out later. Because, there was absolutely no way that he wouldn't be able to find out, one way or another, was there? And so, tentatively: "MI6. It was never really a matter of feeling obliged, but an opportunity there was no need to pass up. I left on my own terms, partly due to a failure on their terms. I couldn't trust them after all. Those ties are cut, now." (And his heart was pounding far too fast, and he was half sure it was going to go terribly wrong.) "Turns out I couldn't just leave this kind of work behind me. No one else will have me now, though."

Interesting. Jim would, of course, confirm Victor's tale later, but for now it sounded like he was telling the truth. Perhaps adding in truths to make it sound like he was perfectly cheery being evil for all intents and purposes now, after getting tragically let down by the good guys. Not that he said he had been thrilled to join up in the first place. "No one else will have you? Hm." Bit rude, making Jim sound like a last resort, but that made it sounds more honest. Then again, Victor might know that. "You left because you couldn't trust them." Jim mused, sending Victor a intent look. "What in the world makes you think you can trust me?"

"You know what I mean. It's just... nothing official, in the kind of sense that that was. They wouldn't want me. Wouldn't put their trust in someone who buggered off before." He shrugged faintly, and let out a sigh. "Oh, but I don't think I can trust you at all." He shot Jim a quick, rueful smile, with perhaps a hint of bitterness. "But at least you're not pretending to be trustworthy. There's a difference between having some idea that you're letting yourself in for that, and having it sprung on you at the worst moments."

Jim laughed lightly, he really hadn't been that offended. Just more amused. Working this highly in Moriarty's network was something most criminals actively wanted to do, but for Victor it was still a last resort type thing. Interesting man. "So you are trusting me, in a way." To be untrustworthy, and probably to let Victor down on promises all the time. "Imagine how completely messed up your plans would be if I turned out to follow through all the time." Which Jim did and would-- unless he ended up needing Victor dead.

Victor huffed out a laugh that wasn't so much amused as just a little surprised at the idea, and shrugged. "Well. There we have it. That would be an absolutely lovely surprise if there never comes a time when you change your mind, because I won't be expecting it. I've decided that most things are going to have to work like that, you understand. It saves the disappointment, and gives me many more nice discoveries." He was hoping it would work, at least. 

"Sounds like you're being optimistic about your own pessimism." Jim replied, voice maybe a wee bit teasing, and he may have had a small smile on his lips. But really, Victor was incredibly amusing, so he couldn't blame himself. "I'm not saying there won't be a time, though, I'm just saying that if you very suddenly find yourself in a deadly situation without anyone to rescue you, it'll be for an actual reason. Trust goes both ways, my dearest agent. I'll break yours when you break mine."

"I am indeed," Victor agreed, studying Jim's expression for a moment before dropping his gaze, fidgeting a little. "That sounds fair," he admitted, and looked up again, giving him a brief, firm nod. "I'll do my best not to let that come to pass." God, and that didn't even feel like a lie, though he was sure it ought to. But for now, he didn't have a reason to.

Jim grinned. "Sounds good, agent." He replied, standing up before picking up his and Victor's mugs, walking into the kitchen. "Fancy a glass of wine?" Jim's own wine, which was probably nicer than anything Victor had recently. And while Victor was clearly being relatively truthful, people got more truthful after having something to drink. 

"I think I could probably manage one, yeah," Victor answered. He had every intention of being careful, but... well. Maybe a little truth wouldn't hurt. Maybe he hadn't actually done an awful lot wrong as of yet, here. "It's been a while, though."

Oh good. Jim poured himself a glass as well, walking back out and setting his down as well as handing Victor's his before sitting down next to Victor on the sofa. Harder to lie to someone the closer they were to you, after all. "Admittedly, you may hate the wine. It's rather unique."

Victor gave it a vaguely suspicious look, but honestly, he wasn't sure that Jim was looking to poison him just yet. Probably. Oh well, even if he did, there would be wine at the same time. "Expensive, I presume?"

"No, surprisingly enough." Jim toed off his shoes and tucked his feet underneath him, getting more comfortable on the sofa. "It's from a winemaker in Ardara, not at all well known. He's about to go bankrupt, actually, so it's incredibly cheap. I'll miss the wine, though, I've never found any other type quite like it." Technically, Jim could fund his business, but he had decided against doing that a while ago.

"It's all a matter of taste, I suppose," he answered, giving a tiny shrug. "Maybe someone will take over the land. As far as I know, it's got to be something about the grapes and the process... so the soil, y'know." He gave Jim a rather sheepish look. "I'm hardly an expert in these matters, though."

Aw, cute. Jim hardly busied himself with finding out how wine was made, though, so Victor may still know more about it than him. "Possibly. But I doubt they'll use it for the same reason. I've already readied myself for the end of my favorite wine, anyway. Sometimes it's best to deny yourself from things you want."

"I suppose. Sometimes. In very special circumstances." He considered for another moment, before continuing. "What purpose does it achieve in this case, though?" As far as he could tell, it just ended in not having the wine that one would prefer, which... well, seemed a little bit pointless. Unless attempting to drink less wine.

Jim shrugged. "I try to only have so many vices at a single time." Giving up this wine meant he could pick up a new one, and there were so many new promising things to try in the world. Devil he didn't know was the one that was more interesting. And, besides, he had a potentially fun new vice sitting next to him on the sofa.

"I'll give you that." It was quite a good idea, actually. Easier to switch between these things than try to sustain it all at once-- god only knew that tended to end badly for everyone involved. "So. You'll have to find a new one? Got anything particularly fun in mind, or are you waiting for the thrilling new opportunity to present itself?"

Jim smiled for a brief moment, then pushed it down to send Victor a nonchalant look. "I dunno. Depends, really. Sometimes I try to get new ones and it doesn't quite work out." Things could go terribly, horribly wrong when Jim tried new vices, especially in the form of people. That's what made it more fun. "One's come up recently, actually, but I'm not entirely sure he's worth it yet."

Victor caught that brief smile, and it brought the slightest curve to his own mouth, which was hidden in a moment as he raised the glass to take a sip. "People count, then? Oh, I suppose they would. That kind of thing... well, yes, I think I know just how it can be a vice. What would make him worth it?"

Looks like Jim didn't even need to explain, which was nice. Possibly not the least awkward thing to realize about the person sitting next to you, but hey, sluttieness wasn't seen as much as a bad thing as it used to be. "He's interesting. I like the way he talks, as well. Nice way with words. Speaks like a poet, if that makes sense."

Victor gave him a careful, searching look, and decided: he'd have to take the plunge or not at all. It could go wrong, but he didn't feel it would. "Perhaps he fancies himself one," he answered, setting down his glass and leaning his elbows on his knees. "Graduates with degrees in English have a tendency towards it, you know. The world isn't nearly linear enough for description short of poetry, sometimes."

Jim smiled, seems like someone had gotten the hint. "No, it's not really, is it? Don't get me wrong, the amount of maths sewn into the world is beautiful, but poetry..." He gave a soft sigh. "Explains what science can't, and most of what it can. I think I'd like to hear the man recite to me, at some point. Gorgeous voice."

"Right." There was a kind of eagerness in his tone now, reserved for things he was passionate about, and rarely got to talk with people who he knew. "It's... helpful in dealing the the world, too. To write, and read, and--" A pause, and a kind of tentative smile. "Listen to, as well. What would you want to hear from him?"

Oh, his voice got even nicer when he was excited about something. Jim listened happily, understanding everything Victor said. "I find writing the most helpful for dealing but _hearing_..." Jim paused for a moment, returning Victor's smile. "Hearing invokes all _kind_ of emotions. I'd want to hear one of his favorites, one he could recite in his sleep."

Victor hummed softly, considering that for a moment. He could remember an awful lot, but sometimes only little snippets, and they would come to him at different times-- and so, he fixated on the first that came to mind. He let his gaze rest on a spot in the middle distance, and started:   
" _'I want you to know_  
 _one thing._  
 _You know how this is:_  
 _if I look_  
 _at the crystal moon, at the red branch_  
 _of the slow autumn at my window,_  
 _if I touch_  
 _near the fire_  
 _the impalpable ash_  
 _or the wrinkled body of the log,_  
 _everything carries me to you,_  
 _as if everything that exists,_  
 _aromas, light, metals,_  
 _were little boats_  
 _that sail_  
 _toward those isles of yours that wait for me. '"_  
He paused part way, blinked, and finally focused back on Jim, as if waiting for some indication to continue.

Jim shifted closer as Victor spoke, entranced by the way the words sounded, and more specifically how they sounded in Victor's voice. It sounded different, somehow, and Jim wasn't entirely sure he'd prefer sleeping with Victor to hearing him recite. Maybe both at the same time. Fun thought. To be saved for later. "I was right." Jim breathed after Victor had finished. "You do have a voice for poetry. Keep going."

Victor let out a soft breath and met Jim's gaze this time, as he moved on to the next verse, and the two after that. It was easier when he was in the rhythm of it, and he only had to speak soft and low for Jim to hear him so close.  
" _'Well, now,_  
 _if little by little you stop loving me_  
 _I shall stop loving you little by little._

_If suddenly_   
_you forget me_   
_do not look for me,_   
_for I shall already have forgotten you._

_If you think it long and mad,_  
 _the wind of banners_  
 _that passes through my life,_  
 _and you decide_  
 _to leave me at the shore_  
 _of the heart where I have roots,_  
 _remember_  
 _that on that day,_  
 _at that hour,_  
 _I shall lift my arms_  
 _and my roots will set off_  
 _to seek another land.'_ "

Poetry had a glorious way of changing a mood. And while the poem Victor wasn't exactly about a perfect, requited love, it was still changing the atmosphere to one Jim had been hoping for. Jim couldn't exactly move closer, really, but he felt the need to. The only thing Jim could do to be closer was kiss Victor, and that would stop him reciting, so it wasn't his favorite plan. "You've written some." Victor must have. "I want to hear one of yours."

Oh, but it was different when it was his own, wasn't it? It hurt more, maybe, or just was closer to the heart. It made him feel vulnerable, and yet... perhaps. "They often get written in the middle of the night, and receive little editing after that," he warned softly, giving a slightly apologetic look and pausing as he tried to recall the words.  
" _'A fragile heart, perhaps,_  
 _Resided within your chest,_  
 _Beating irregular time_  
 _Ardour-starved._  
 _(And with an old surrender,_  
 _My own did beat alongside,_  
 _To teach a sentiment-strewn rhythm_  
 _I had known years since.)'"_

Jim held his breath when Victor talked, he didn't want to interrupt or not hear perfectly. Jim slid his fingers into Victor's hair, lips close. Maybe not edited, but raw and gorgeous. "Oh, I don't think I'd ever get bored of listening to you. Tell me one about lust. One to seduce me." Jim murmured. 

Victor huffed out a breath that was something close to a soft, self-deprecating laugh, though his eyes were more pleased than anything else. No one had listened like this in... god, he could almost count it as forever. "I'm afraid a lot of them lead towards the macabre where I'm concerned." And so, he'd have to compose on the spot instead-- it was more halting, but came almost easily despite the difficulty.  
" _Frenzied pulses at their throats,_  
 _And desperate fingers on clothes,_  
 _When brief seconds are too long_  
 _to wait_  
 _When impatient promises_  
 _Are whispered_  
 _By their shrouded skin._ ”

That one certainly wasn't macabre. That was perfect. Exactly what he'd asked for, as though Jim hadn't been seduced the moment Victor had opened his mouth to recite anything at all. "I think I've officially decided you're worth giving up the wine for." Jim breathed, then tugged Victor into a kiss, his hand that wasn't tangled in Victor's hair moving to rest at the nape of Victor's neck.


	3. On Stars And Poetry

He couldn't claim it was quite a surprise, but it did manage to catch him ever-so-slightly off-guard, as if he hadn't quite managed to convince himself that this was really going to happen. It took a moment to relax into it, but he did, pressing himself carefully a little closer.

Oh, that almost sounded like a little hitch in his breath. Maybe surprise. Jim slid his hand around Victor's neck to cup his jaw, pushing him back down against the sofa, mouth moving to Victor's throat. "Don't stop on my account." He murmured against Victor's throat, a smile growing on his face. "Tell me another. Anything."

Victor gave a soft groan, his arm slipping around Jim automatically as he fought to remember another when he was so distracted.   
" _Ink-stitched hearts beat_  
 _with the integrity of repair,_  
 _grazed with the slip of words_  
 _through tender flesh_  
 _to the core._ "

Jim practically purred at Victor's words, sliding his hands under his shirt and tugging it over his head. "Christ, its not fair that you both look and sound so good." He halfheartedly complained, moving his mouth down over Victor's chest as Jim started to recite back.  
" _I can break my addiction,_  
 _To what consumes me in intensity,_  
 _This feeling encloses me perfectly,_  
 _and my hands reach out for the magic._  
 _I take risk, stepping into bliss,_  
 _I feel a sweet mouth,_  
 _A kiss to my neck and I shiver, I want,_  
 _You drink my eyes in small gulps,_  
 _You make me crawl and creep,_  
 _Down on my knees I implore,_  
 _I want you. I want more._ ”

Victor made a soft noise of extreme appreciation at the reciprocation, arching into the touches from Jim and losing himself easily in the words. "That's the first time anyone has said anything like that back," he murmured, quiet fervour in his tone. "It's beautiful." The idea, the execution, the words, him. All would have to be conveyed. "Exquisite, precious, as stones set in gold are to be cherished, but transient as sands beneath the tides. It's lovely."

"It's not mine." Jim admitted, although he still preened at the compliments. He really, really liked the way Victor spoke. Especially now. Jim was extremely pleased that this probably wouldn't be a one time deal, and that he was also probably getting a bit of loyalty from Victor in the meantime. He seemed like the sort to get attached, after all. For now, though, Jim simply enjoyed himself. He moved back up Victor's mouth, kissing him again. "Sadly, I don't write much in the away erotica. May start for next time, though..."

"There's something to be said for a good delivery," Victor pointed out with a little grin, his fingers settling at the nape of Jim's neck as he kissed him. "And I'll admit I have had to make one up on the spot this evening. _Apparently_ ," he paused, a little smirk tugging at his lips, "you're being inspiring enough to make it easy."

"Oh?" Jim ran through the poems Victor had said tonight. Must of been one of the shorter ones. But Victor wouldn't create one when Jim asked him for anything he's written, besides he'd already told Jim when he made that one. Which left the one about lust, really. Jim grinned. "Ohh." He purred, nipping at Victor's lips before kissing him again. "Glad I could be so _inspiring_ , then."

And _of course_ Jim would work out which one. It made sense, really, that it would be that one-- and it was hardly a secret either way. He gave a softly appreciative hum, kissing him deeply. (And how had he gotten to this point? God, this hadn't been the intention, and he'd had hardly any wine. He pushed it away for later consideration.)

Admittedly, Jim was getting a bit distracted by kissing and poetry. And he knew he was, too, but so far wasn't entirely inclined to stop. He didn't have anything planned tomorrow, and to the best of his knowledge neither did Victor, so it wasn't as though Jim really had a reason to hurry up. Except Victor himself. Who really did have nice skin. Jim slid a hand down Victor's chest, fingertips slipping under the waistband of Victor's trousers for a moment before his hand moved to run up and down Victor's side.

Victor was far more tentative than he perhaps ought to be, for a multitude of reasons. Slowly, he relaxed into it all the same, his fingers going to find the hem of Jim's shirt, to find warmer skin to press against, and to draw himself closer, as if the contact they had already wasn't enough, and perhaps couldn't be. He had no idea what he wanted, besides there being _more_.

The main issue with the sofa, Jim realized, is that he couldn't get what he wanted as easily. For example, flipping them over now to see what Victor would do when given control would lead to them both falling on the floor. Not that it was a long distance or it'd be particularly painful, but really a bed was much preferable. Jim pulled back slightly, giving a soft sigh. "Bedroom?" He asked-- and it would usually be an order more than a question, but Jim figured he had to be careful.

That gave Victor cause enough to hesitate, the lack of surety showing in his expression. "Maybe..." He fell silent again, for just a moment, his gaze dropping to the floor. "Not this time." It wasn't an outright refusal, but he felt this was maybe not the time. Maybe his thoughts had just managed to wander a bit far towards the past and those poems had been written at bad times and it was more difficult than it should be, now, to forget. It was silly, he knew. But there it was.

Well--. Hm. Jim... Jim hadn't actually expected that Victor wouldn't agree. But, well, he had given Victor the choice and Victor's decision had been made. After a brief pause, Jim sat up, pulling Victor up with him so he could get off Victor's lap, sitting next to him instead. He couldn’t really just ask Victor to _leave_ , it’d be impolite. And there were still endless things to talk about. "Do you have any interest in astrology? I've always thought that stars and poetry mix well."

Victor found himself quite relived that at least, it hadn't gone terribly wrong, and he was still here. It was just a matter of difficulty, sometimes-- he'd work it out later. He was still quite good with kisses, though. "An interest, yeah," he answered, giving a little nod and a smile. "But more in a kind of 'sneaking onto roofs and staring at the stars while I contemplate life' way. Only for lack of opportunity."

Jim laughed lightly-- he might have done that too, often. He'd just also decided he wanted to know more about them. "I do that too, sometimes." He admitted. "But I find that sometimes it can be extraordinarily cold. I have a room with a glass ceiling, now. Has the same affect, but warmer." Jim gave a small smile, thoughts drifting to the stars for a moment before he focused on Victor again. "Want to see?"

"Really?" Victor asked, his tone suddenly rather more eager and excited, sitting forwards in his seat a little. "I'd love to see. That sounds... well, really useful, and kind of amazing." Okay, so technically it was quite simple, it was more that Victor had never really been in a situation where he had seen one or been able to have one before. So, it was pretty amazing.

Nobody had ever sounded nearly so excited to see it before. It was a very welcome change of pace. Jim smiled, getting up off the couch and picking up the glasses of wine-- had they had any of it so far?-- before leading Victor to the room. It was painted in dark colours and mostly clear of furniture-- the main purpose was lying on the floor and looking at the stars, after all. Jim sat down in the middle of the floor, holding out Victor's glass for him. "London, so you can't see everything, but the brighter stars are still visible right now."

Victor followed him, taking the glass of wine and looking up at the ceiling for a moment, a smile curving his lips. He had to put the glass on the floor in order to brace himself and lower himself to the floor, one leg outstretched and quite clearly awkward, but he was very distracted by the wine and the stars. "I remember the stars in Norfolk," he said in an almost hushed tone. "I used to go out for walks at night, in the woods. You could see everything in a clear night."

Jim glanced over to Victor for a moment before his gaze returned to the sky, taking a small sip of the wine. "Mm. I've always wanted to see stars through treetops." Sounded gorgeously poetic, and one of those rare things in life that was a sort of poetry one could actually experience. "I have a cabin in the country that I go to sometimes, no one around and certainly nothing that pollutes. Sort of like a hideout, as silly as that sounds. But it's nice."

"It's lovely," Victor confirmed. "That and sunlight through trees. I could watch for hours, when there's a breeze." He gave a softer kind of smile, and took a longer drink of the wine before he glanced over and continued. "That sounds lovely. It's good, really-- to have somewhere to go to, away from it all, sometimes. I think it's probably really important. More than I'd thought before."

That did sound nice. Growing up in Dublin and then moving directly to London, however, meant Jim hadn't seen much in the way of nature. Business trips hardly left him with the free time to do so, either. "It is. Work is... constant. Even just finding time to go away is hard, much less preparing for it. Too many variables. I can never take a break if there's a big job coming, or if Sebastian is away. Gets terribly tedious, admittedly, running the world."

"It does sound like an awful lot of organisation," he agreed, carefully setting his wine down so that he could stretch out on his back, quite comfortably this time. "Lots that can go wrong, too, I guess. Delicate." He'd experienced a bit of it, but not on such a large scale. It was always just a few agents, or before that, his family, or something like that. It was just a matter of scaling up, and imagining people actually helped a bit, in a kind of 'actually having subordinates' way. Weird.

"Oh, things go wrong all the time." Jim didn't worry about how horribly small jobs could go, it wasn’t as though he planned them. And besides, Sebastian was smart enough to take care of small things like a murder or robbery, or giving someone a new life, depending on who and how. Jim sighed, then looked over to Victor curiously. "Don't you have somewhere to go, though? When things get overwhelming?" Jim couldn't really imagine not having a particular place in mind when he ran off.

Victor shot him a sidelong look, and then shook his head slightly. "Not really. Not any more. House in Norfolk got burnt down, so that's out. And I doubt I'd want to go there anyway, now. So... no. It's been upkeep enough, keeping myself and another in housing. I've not had the time." He paused a moment, a little smile tugging at his lips. "It seems strange now. I always used to, y'know? Funny how times change."

"Oh." Opposite for Jim, really. He'd grown up without any escape, which had led to the whole criminal life in the first place. But now that he was basically king, he at least had a place. Not somewhere he could go to often, but... it was there, at least. "Yeah. Funny." Jim returned his gaze to the sky again, thinking. It was easy for thoughts to wander in this room, Jim knew. "You should try to find somewhere. I mean, your new salary isn't anything to cough at, you could probably afford most places."

"I probably could," he agreed, and looked rather wistful for a few moments as he stared up at the sky. "I could do with it. But somewhere without too many stairs and with some space. Christ... it's all a bit intense otherwise." Now, Victor had always been one to work himself into the ground, but that didn't mean he claimed it was anywhere near good or healthy. In fact, he thought it was pretty crap most of the time, but did it anyway. Really needed to stop that.

Jim hummed in agreement, putting down his glass before laying down on the floor. "I think... life in general is rather intense, no matter what. So one should often take a break to just... look at the stars." He mused, then glanced over to Victor. "Or read poetry." Jim added, a small smile on his face. "Or kiss someone you technically shouldn't." Like an employee-- or boss. He looked up again. "Something that counts as a break, you know? A pause to breathe and appreciate." 

Victor chuckled softly, twisting a little and propping himself up onto an elbow. "Poetry and kisses, I can definitely do. Stars too. Of the few things I'm really good at doing at inappropriate times, those are right at the top of the list." Another pause, then: "I think the world would rather like to be appreciated, you know."

"Yeah, I think it would." Jim paused, looking Victor over for a moment. "I view the world oddly, though. I've always thought of it as a collective consciousness. Sure, maybe a flower doesn't care if you take a moment to think about how pretty it is, but maybe someone watching will have planted the flower, and they'll feel happy." He shrugged lightly. "Something like that. Stars though... I think I just appreciate them for myself, honestly."

"I like that idea." He took a moment for it, and finally nodded; it was good, it felt right in the moment. It didn't have to be forever, because nothing was, but for the moment it was lovely. "No one planted the stars," he murmured, and then smiled quite suddenly. "Although I like the imagery of it."

Jim grinned, shifting closer and looking to the stars, trying to imagine what Victor was. Probably not the same thing, but around the same idea, perhaps. "Mm, it is nice to think about. And we may as well fool ourselves for the next little while, I doubt any harm will come of it." Who really needed reality, anyway? "Is it alright if I kiss you again?"

Now, wasn't there a nice idea. Victor allowed himself his fictions, after all; they were rather helpful in bad moments. He smiled slowly, and gave a little nod. "Yes. More than alright."

Jim returned the smile, leaning up to press his lips to Victor's gently. No real reason to be rough or passionate this time, so it was more lazy than anything. "Mm. I think I'll believe that you planted the stars in the sky, then." Jim murmured. "Just until I have to go back to reality, mind you."

Victor slipped an arm around him, and kissed him back in a way that suggested he was far more savouring the moments now, enjoying the experience as much as he was able to. "That's as long as I ask," he answered softly. "It could be beautiful."

"You know, I think it could be." Jim agreed, running his thumb over Victor's cheek before kissing him again. 

"And there's a distressing shortage of beautiful things in life." Jim added. "It's why I only allow myself seven at a time. Makes it feel like there's more, if I hold back. Otherwise I run out too soon." Jim eased Victor back to be lying on the floor, placing a hand on his chest and kissing him again (again).

Victor let his fingers rest against his cheek for a few moments, and it was almost fond (though of course, he couldn't, and wouldn't be, not like this), because it was a moment he was allowed. This was not reality, as far as he could see. "That's a good idea," he agreed. "I think. Isn't it hard to let go of any, though?"

Jim laughed lightly, ducking his head down to press a soft kiss to Victor's neck. "Oh, it's nigh on impossible sometimes." He replied, sighing softly and settling down on top of Victor, half using him as a pillow but half being sure not to rest too much of his weight on him. "I've lots of regrets about giving some up, too. And usually, what I give up I can't get back. It's a risky business."

"Now, I'll admit that I have a habit of coveting all I can get and not wanting to let go of anything." It was something he had experienced for years now, and while he thought he knew why, that didn't mean it was a good thing. "Perhaps I'll leave the risk of losing things which are wonderful to you."

Jim let out a short laugh, pressing another kiss to Victor's neck. "So nothing changes then, really. Minus my lack of wine and my gaining a shiny new agent." Well, sounded good overall. And people were usually more interesting than wine, anyway. "Sounds like a plan, star man. Although I think I get the better end of the deal."

Victor gave a quiet laugh, and shifted to press a series of kisses against the line of the other man's jaw instead. "What can I say? I tend to end up with the bum end of the deal, but like it well enough to not bother seeking a change. It all seems to end up okay in the end, hm?" If this counted as okay, of course.

"I suppose." Jim tilted his head back slightly, gaze going up again. "I don't think either of us would be able to settle for an 'okay' life, though. You said yourself you weren't able to give up this sort of job. And I'm planning on working until someone kills me." He sighed, facing Victor with a smile and stealing a chaste kiss. "We're both doomed to dramatic, intense lives. With okay moments."

"You're right there," he admitted, and it was a little bit mournful that time. "Dramatic and tragic, and with these few glorious moments that I can't help but remember. It's an awful fate to be doomed to, in a lot of senses, but in the rest it's quite good. At least it's going to be interesting."

Interesting indeed. Jim quirked an eyebrow, leaning closer and brushing his lips over Victor's, not quite kissing him. "Is this one of those moments, then?" He teased, sliding his arms over Victor's shoulders and wrapping them around the back of his neck. "Not glorious, necessarily, but I'll be terribly hurt if you say you'll forget this soon."

Victor let out a soft breath, wrapping himself a little more around Jim, in an automatic gesture that was really almost not noticed by he himself. "I definitely won't forget this soon," he answered, and quirked another little smile. "A room full of stars, wine, kisses and poetry? I'm not about to forget that."

"You're so sweet." Jim purred, carding a hand through the back of Victor's hair absentmindedly. "Although, I suppose being the equivalent of wined and dined by the king of crime is rather memorable." Sounded like the type of thing one would remember, anyway. "But who knows? This may just fade into one of many times, if you keep being such a lovely escape from reality."

"It's certainly not something I've ever had the opportunity to do before, and doubt I will again with anyone apart from you. I'm not sure kings of crime are going to be generally so keen on me." He kissed him again, briefly and quite chastely this time. "Perhaps I'll make an effort to be wonderful. More than usual, anyway."

Jim hummed in agreement; most other crime lords had a particular dislike of someone, if they knew that Moriarty did like that person. Something to do with wanting Moriarty dead and to take all his power, probably. "More than usual? More so than now? Because as much as I hate being nice and giving compliments, you are being rather wonderful already."

Victor almost blushed that time; it was a compliment he hadn't anticipated and had nearly no defence against right at the moment. Oops. It was a near miss, either way. It took him a moment, but his reply came confidently. "Oh, I think I could up my game a bit. The natural brilliance works pretty well, but I try harder for those I care about."

And Jim did blush, because he hadn't been hiding his emotions thus far throughout the evening and the 'those I care about' had caught him off guard. But he supposed at this point it made at least a bit of sense. Maybe. In any case it was nice, and Jim rewarded the comment with a sweet kiss. "Well, I look forward to seeing you with your game upped, then."

Victor couldn't quite help but give a soft, almost embarrassed laugh, shifting a little to wrap an arm around Jim. It was all... strange, confusing, he wasn't sure what to think or say-- but it wasn't important. He hoped. He was going with instinct alone, this time. "I have a couple of ideas. Mostly, it involves kissing and being incredibly decorative."

Jim wrinkled his nose, his expression strongly displeased. "Kissing _me_? Ew. I would never kiss you, star man." He stated, then paused before giggling lightly and pressing his lips to Victor's jaw. "Incredibly decorative. That just sounds like you're going to put ribbons everywhere. Not that ribbons are bad, but I'm sure you're about to explain what you actually meant."

"Perish the thought!" Victor answered, an involuntary grin appearing on his expression. "You're definitely not the sort to kiss me. Not my type, you know." He shook his head, expression softening again. "I was planning to _be_ decorative. You know, stand around being generally beautiful in a decorative kind of way. I _am_ the incredible number of ribbons."

"Wow. Rude. I'm everyone's type." Unless they had any common sense, of course. But not many people did these days-- or, they did, but didn't feel like invoking it. Life's less fun when you pause and consider everything you do. "Ahh. See, that makes much more sense." Jim replied, placing a few butterfly kisses up Victor's neck. "Definitely not opposed to you just standing around looking pretty."

"Absolutely the ideal for everyone who has ever considered quite this close to a man who could have you killed in a matter of moments," he assured, and at least it was truthful. But Victor was pretty aware, and just not _entirely_ as bothered as he should have been by it. "It's actually one of my main skills," he insisted, and arched a little against Jim. "I can do it for hours."

Ha. True. "Every man could probably kill you in a matter of moments, though." Jim pointed out, moving closer to Victor and kissing him lazily. "The only reason I'm dangerous is because it doesn't take particularly special circumstances for me to kill." Right now, though, murder was far from Jim's mind. "Really? I'd imagine it gets rather boring."

"True." Most people couldn't or wouldn't, and didn't have a reason. Although, come to think of that, perhaps some people did have a reason when it came to Victor, although they didn't all know it. "Oh, no," he assured, quite brightly. "I could get lost in my thoughts pretty easily. Bit of a habit of losing time if I let that happen."

"Losing time?" Jim shot Victor a confused glance. "Oh, right." When relative minutes turned into the standard unit's hours. Jim didn't put much stock into the increments of the sun's movements everyone had tricked themselves into thinking was actual time unless he was organizing something. Otherwise, his own relative time experience suited him just fine.

"Yeah. Just a bit difficult when trying to be places on time and things like that." He gave a sheepish little shrug, and the tiniest of smiles. "But when I have the time... Well, actually it can either be very good or very bad. Depending on which direction my mind decides to go, you understand." It was a quiet admission of his past, or something along those lines.

Ah, yes. The annoyance of keeping schedules when there were so many better things to do-- like contemplate the point of life and all the heartbreaking and painful mistakes one’s made in their past. "Mm, I do." Jim had managed to repress most of his past by this point, though, minus the nightmares. "I find what I think depends a lot on where I am. In here it tends to go better than, say, in the basement."

"That's a point," Victor said, a note of thoughtfulness entering his tone. "A good one, too. Surroundings can be very important for that kind of thing. I suppose that's another reason that it's good to have somewhere to escape to." And somewhere to live which wasn't full of painful memories. Victor had been rather lacking that one until Jim came along.

"Yeah. You really should find one." Jim shrugged then rolled over, pulling Victor on top of him and stealing a kiss before he settled down. Not that Victor hadn't been comfortable, but Jim got bored of the position. And now he could look at the stars with far more ease. "Not now, of course. But maybe when I'm forced to shoo you out."

Victor steadied himself carefully, a little grin appearing for a few moments. "I'll make an effort to find somewhere," he assured, quite confidently. "If I put my mind to it, I'm sure that I can find one in no time. Hopefully without anyone else trying to nick it off me. That's the thing about cities."

Jim hummed in agreement, shifting slightly to get more comfortable and resting one hand on the nape of Victor's neck and the other on Victor's lower back, making a soft content sound. "Oh, if you ask nicely I can always have other buyers killed. Although... I get the feeling your moral compass wouldn't really allow that. Hm. Pity."

Victor looked just a little uncomfortable for a moment, but there was really no helping that. He _did_ have something of a moral compass, after all, even if he ignored it an awful lot of the time when he was working. "I can't say I'd be entirely pleased. It doesn't sound quite fair, when they shouldn't to know why. And even then."

Victor really did have a much stronger set of a morals than Jim had expected, considering the whole murdering of an innocent girl thing. But then, that had really just been because Jim asked. This was more entirely up to Victor. Couldn't really be rationalized away as easily. "So don't ask then, my dear agent."


	4. On Stars And Poetry 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversation continued.

Rather simple solution, really. "Do keep in mind that I have the tendency to do favors for pretty men who like poetry, though. Could be helpful in the future."

"Sounds like a dangerous tendency," Victor commented, pushing himself up on his elbows a little more and quirking a half smile. "There are more of them than you might expect, if you're in the right places. Although, an organisation like this isn't entirely a normal place for the poetic type, I'd suppose. Or like me for a few other reasons, too." 

Dangerous? Most of the things Jim did in life were dangerous. But not quite as fun as flirting with pretty men, depending on the day. "True-- but I think I'll risk it." And-- more than Jim would expect? The flirting thing may have gone over Victor's head a bit. "Alright, alright. I do favors for pretty men to whom I have easy access to and who like poetry without being horribly pretentious."

"Okay, okay." Victor carefully sat up, suppressed a groan of complaint and tried to arrange his legs in some kind of comfortable way. "It's the wine." He wasn't entirely sure what he was blaming on the wine right at the moment, but he was sure that there was something which would be appropriate.

Jim laughed lightly, propping himself up on his elbows and watching Victor with amusement. "What is? Your apparent lack of coordination or missing my blatant flirting?" Either way, Jim wasn't entirely sure Victor could blame it on most of a glass of wine. "And what _are_ you doing? I was rather enjoying your body heat, you know."

"Both? Whichever you fancy." Those did seem like good options, at least. It could definitely have been worse. Victor gave him a vague kind of smile, and then pointed quite accusatorily at his own leg. "I have been betrayed, and thus I had to move."

"Think I'll pick the latter. More flattering to me." Also more amusing. Jim looked where he was pointed to and then laughed at Victor's declaration, laying back down and looking over Victor appreciatively. "Very rude of your leg. Now I'm terribly cold, in comparison to a minute ago."

Victor grinned, stretching out a little bit and giving Jim a few decidedly appreciative glances. "Extremely rude! I'm afraid I really must apologise for its impertinence. You could hit it, if that would be sufficient revenge."

Now that was more Jim's style of flirting. "Oh?" He quirked an eyebrow, failing to stop a small, amused smile. "Are you trying to seduce me again, star man? Because I hate to tell you, but I've officially decided against sleeping with you tonight. You'll have to wait until our next meeting to try again."

"Is that so?" Victor raised an eyebrow, and tried his very best to keep a straight face. "Now, gorgeous and wonderfully appreciative of poetry as you may be, I can't entirely say that was my hope for tonight either. I'll keep next time very much in mind, though. Looking forward to that one." Besides, there were things it would probably be a good idea to do before that. 

"Flatter." And then Jim discovered the worst part of Victor sitting-- he was too far away to kiss. Horrible. "I didn't think you had any hope for tonight when you first came over. I mean, perhaps 'stay alive', but none beyond that." Even now, Victor must still be worried Jim may want to kill him. Hopefully he had at _least_ realized Jim wouldn't do so anytime soon.

Victor let out a quiet, slightly embarrassed laugh. Well, it was true, he couldn't deny that by any means. He had had no idea to expect, though honestly, it wasn't anything like this. "True. I'm doing pretty well on that front so far, don't you think? You've certainly raised my hopes from what they were at the beginning, though."

Jim rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically, placing a hand on his forehead. "Woe is me-- everything thinks I'm going to have them brutally murdered." He pouted for a moment, then dropped his hand and looked over to Victor with a small smile. "Admittedly, probably more distressing for those who are worried about actually getting brutally murdered, but I reserve my right to complain. And yes, the Bee Gees would be proud of you."

Victor couldn't help but chuckle that time, and it took a little while before he was actually composed enough to answer properly. It was a great mental image, he had decided. "I hate to have to point it out, but you do rather give a murderous impression. That might scare some people off." Still, no harm in a bit of complaining from time to time. Victor put a hand on his heart, and gave a solemn nod. "The highest of honours."

Jim sat up and shifted closer, placing his hand on the back of Victor's neck to pull him into a long kiss before breaking it and lying back down again. Which really did feel like too much effort for a kiss, even if it was a very nice kiss. "I think the murderous air mostly comes from my hair being slicked back, but that's the only way I can get it to behave." Jim giggled lightly at Victor's seriousness. "Indeed. Glad to see you understand how nobel the Bee Gees really are."

Oh dear, and now Victor was stuck imagining that. It wasn't really helping with his attempt to keep a straight face and appear even vaguely serious, honestly. "You do have a very murderous look," he admitted, and bit his lip for a moment to compose himself. "Definitely the hair. And the general menacing air. But little do they realise, your real focus is on the importance of the Bee Gees. They might be less intimidated, briefly."

"Well, if I had a generally sweet and innocent air I doubt I'd be able to get much done." Jim pointed out, finally giving in and sitting up, although he did put his hands behind him to lean against. Lazy sitting up. It still counted. "Would they? I should probably hide my love for old pop music, then. Maybe hypnotize you to forget or something. Although I think by now keeping you intimidated in general is a moot point."

Victor shifted carefully and leant over to steal another kiss from Jim, and gave him a quick smile. "I think I would be hard pushed to forget, even then. And while I'm sure intimidation has its place, I don't think that a room full of beautiful stars is that." He did a kind of awkward floor shuffle, pushing with just the one leg, close enough for more convenient kisses.

Jim smiled softly at the kiss, and the smile grew when Victor moved closer. In a rather amusing way, too. "No, this room really isn't good for scaring people. Very good for romancing ex-agents, though, apparently." Jim sent Victor a wink. "Which somehow reminds me, did you like the wine? You did end up having almost an entire glass, wild child that you are."

"You should conduct some kind of experiment on that," Victor suggested, a flicker of a smile appearing once again. Frankly, he was having trouble stopping that. "Or, you know, not. I'd rather have the monopoly on romanced ex-agents. Oh, yes, very good-- I've got to admit that I don't usually drink, and have a low tolerance for it. Incredibly wild."

"Are you saying you want me only to yourself, darling? Seems rather selfish of you. I am very likable, you know." Jim teased, not bothering to hide an amused smile. It wasn't as though Victor hadn't realize by now Jim found him amusing, after all. "Ah, so a full glass would be a bit much for you, then. Don't get drunk on me, star man, because then I couldn't kiss you and that'd be a terrible shame."

"I might well be selfish like that," he answered, leaning back on his elbows. "Even if I might be depriving other people of the pleasure. It's a sacrifice I would be willing to make." Victor nodded his agreement, looking a little sheepish for a moment. "I'm at a disadvantage in terms or ratios. But... could you not? A lot wouldn't make such a distinction."

"Hm. Well, more importantly, I think I may very well let you be selfish. As long as I'm allowed to be selfish in return, of course." At least, whenever Jim forgot about reality. Because in reality, his job called for a lot of odd things-- kissing someone he didn't particularly want to wasn't that rare. Easy distraction. "Goodness no." Jim wrinkled his nose. "Apart from the annoyance that is drunk people when one's still sober, that'd be taking advantage. Which is ew."

"That does sound like a fair trade," he decided. Within reason, of course, but that went without saying as far as he was concerned. "Ah." He smiled slowly, and gave an approving little nod. "I very much like that view. Refreshing. Accurate, too. And, of course, I shall now endeavour not to get drunk."

"Thank you. There are much better things to do with your time than get drunk, anyway." Jim replied. "Although, admittedly, my view isn't really based on morals. Sort of a despicable villain, after all. More of a personal preference. Doing anything with anyone who isn't sober just sounds completely unappealing. Hence the ew."

"I reckoned it was more something along those lines," he admitted. He had considered it, briefly; there was a big difference between personal beliefs and general morals, after all. "Still a good one, I think, whatever the reason. Works out the same in the end." He paused, and shrugged faintly. "Not sure what it counts as when both parties are inebriated."

"True." Worked out the same, although preference was probably more reliable. Morals had the tendency to bend or break, whereas Jim being almost disgusted by the thought of doing anything sexual without the other person happily participating was extremely unlikely to change. "Well, theres no real taking advantage there. I'd say its usually more of a stupid mistake than anything else."

Victor thought back over his share of drunken kisses, and found he couldn't entirely disagree. True, not all of them could be counted as mistakes, but quite a lot could. "I'll give you that," he agreed, one hand absently rubbing the side of his thigh. "They have their uses, though. There are certain times for these things, definitely."

"I suppose." Bit pointless considering Jim couldn't really remember anytime he'd had sex while high or drunk clearly, but it had been a way to pass the time. And probably felt spectacular. Just not easy to recall. "I find it's usually better to either get inebriated or laid, though. Combining the two is something I decided wasn't worth it long ago."

"Glad to hear you're sure of yourself," he answered, really quite truthfully. "And it's not good for me nowadays, all that kind of thing. I have a tendency to go a little off at the deep end now." He shrugged, grimacing a little at the memory. "Not good. For me or people who are around me at the time."

Jim sent Victor a questioning look before shrugging it off-- he'd probably pried enough into Victor's life tonight already. No need to ask why 'nowadays' was an issue, although it did imply something had happened recently. "Mm, doesn't sound like it. Indulging too much usually ends messily. And not in the fun way."

"Not in a fun trifle-ish kind of way." Victor frowned briefly at his own statement, and shook his head. "Made more sense in my head. Kind of still makes sense in a weird kind of way and I should probably be quieter now. I do kind of sometimes realise it would be a better idea of I stopped, rather than carrying on talking."

Jim watched in amusement, not interrupting. "Oh, how the pretty poet rambles." He mused after Victor had finished, then placed a chaste kiss on Victor's lips. "I regret to inform you that did, in fact, make no sense. To me, I mean. But it's alright, because you really are very pretty. Makes up for it."

Victor blushed just faintly, as compliments had a habit of making him do, especially when they were at a moment such as this, somehow. and in a room filled with stars. "I'm glad that my incredible luck in the gene pool makes up for the curse of going on about crap and making no sense. I could explain, if you very much fancy it."

Really, when Victor blushed, Jim had very little choice but to kiss him again. Which he did. It was practically a rule when someone you had the tendency to kiss blushed. "Do you honestly think I'll say no to hearing more of your voice?" Jim teased, sitting back and tilting his head in invitation. "Go on, then. Trifle-ish, I believe it was."

Victor cleared his throat, only seeming more flustered. It was silly, really, but it had been a while and this felt... strangely welcome, and he wasn't thinking about that bit too hard. "Right!! Because of messy. Trifle is quite a messy kind of dessert, you see, but in a definite good way which can be most enjoyable. It's quite simple really."

Jim quirked an eyebrow, pressing his lips into a line to stop a smile-- with only some success. The edges of his lips were still upturned slightly. It was hard to come up with a response to that, though. 'Simple'. After a while Jim just let out a soft laugh, grinning fully. "Very simple. Don't know how I didn't realize it before. Has anyone ever told you that you're terribly cute?"

"Entirely simple," Victor insisted, and then gave Jim an almost scandalised look. 'Cute' was not something he was often called, honestly, and especially not recently, what with his change of company and general career. "I hope you mean 'terribly' in its original meaning there. Otherwise that's just... practically awful."

Jim laughed again, briefly, pulling Victor closer and kissing him. "I mean terribly as in very. Used as an extra word, to emphasize what comes after it. As in, I am terribly endeared by your antics. It's quite shocking, actually. You should feel special, star man." Jim did, after all, dislike people at large.

"Damn it," Victor complained, but he did shift himself a little closer to Jim, and kiss him back. "I would have preferred the meaning of 'inspiring terror'. Far less embarrassing when trying to maintain a certain image." He grinned anyhow, and caught another kiss. "I do feel special, I rather think."

Jim hummed in acknowledgement, pulling back after Victor kissed him to send him a suspicious look. "Excuse you, I'm the terrifying one. We talked about this. Has to do with the hair." And general air of murderous-ness. "Oh good. I don't kiss all my employees, you know. Only two so far-- and that's including you."

"You'll get me all flattered and blushy again," Victor warned, attempting a stern look and failing dismally. "Anyway, I'm sure you find plenty of people who aren't your employees to kiss. It's just a matter of accidentally being in both categories at once."

"Oh the horror. We both know how much I loathe you flattered and blushing." Jim replied in an even voice before rolling his eyes with a smile. "Eh, not really people I want to kiss. And if you think about it, logically, it'd be easiest for me to kiss employees. Not many are keen on getting on my bad side. So it's still a relatively special double category you're in."

"There's something to be said for logic in relation to kissing," he answered, and something flickered in his expression a moment: a silly little memory, one that hurt, and he tried to push back into the depths of his mind. "Sidetracked. I... mmh. I think I will be flattered after all, one way or another."

Jim raised an eyebrow but didn't question, allowing himself to simply get pulled along into continuing the conversation. "I could try flattering you in a different way." He offered. "Calling you pretty and complimenting the way you speak make you blush the most often-- would that work?"

"Maybe," he admitted, and gave him a little smile that was rather apologetic despite himself. "They are some of the things I'm sure are pretty good, but maybe get a little bit overwhelmed by people actually pointing it out. It seems that they're too busy with other things for it at the moment, most of the time."

Okay, Jim. Jim mostly followed that, that time. Sounded sort of like people were usually too busy to notice Victor's positive traits? Something like that? Oh well. Jim understood the first bit, at least. "Hm. Well-- admittedly, I'm not one hundred percent sure what you just said, but that could have been because I might have been paying more attention to your voice than the words themselves.

"Cheating," Victor insisted, and kissed him again. "Can't believe you weren't listening to me when I was rambling on about unimportant things. What's so great about my voice, anyway?" Okay, that was a little bit of a genuine question. People seemed to like it, but the 'why' was never entirely clear.

Well, that was one of those things that was rather hard to explain in causal conversation. It was almost amusing how many things involving poetry seemed to circle back to poetry, really. "It... resonates nicely." Jim blushed, a bit lost for the proper words at the moment, and dropped his gaze to the floor. "I like the pitch. I don't know, it's just nice."

Well." Victor considered that for a moment, a slow smile tugging at his lips as he studied Jim's expression, and, of course, the blush spreading across his skin. "I'll just have to go with that for the moment. It definitely seems to..." he moved closer, and spoke low and close to Jim. "Have an effect on you."

Okay, Jim was starting to understand what Victor meant when he had said 'cheating'. He failed to conceal the small shudder that shot down his spine and the blush that darkened-- _cheating, cheating, definitely cheating_. "That." Jim breathed, pausing for a moment before glancing up to Victor. "That is just cruel. And unfair. And lots of other things."

Victor hummed softly, something of a smile in the tone of it, before he pressed a kiss to Jim's cheek. Ah, definitely still warm. Definitely quite the best kind of revenge. "Lots of other things?" he asked, his tone decidedly innocent. "Nothing of the sort, I'm sure. I thought you liked me speaking?"

Damn Victor and his insistent ability to make Jim blush. Although at this point he couldn't really blush more, so it just sort of... stayed. "I do." Jim replied after a short pause, then stole a kiss. "But you, agent Trevor, are using it against me. Instead of just in general. And you're doing that innocence thing which makes it more unfair."

Victor chuckled, couldn't quite prevent that, and pulled back just enough to catch Jim's gaze. "And yet you just let me keep on talking! It's almost like you don't entirely want me to shut up, despite it all."

Jim rolled his eyes, a smile crossing his lips for a moment before he managed to push it away. "Oh, shut up." He replied, leaning forward and pressing his lips against Victor's. To make him stop talking, of course. And not just because he may have liked the idea of a long, slow Victor kiss.

Okay, so that was rather effective. Victor couldn't complain when he happened to be kissed at the same time, especially when it was so... well, wonderful. He pulled back eventually, and gave a small but ever so fond smile. "That is rather the way to make people like me shut up, you know."

Jim followed Victor a bit when he pulled away, but ultimately sighed in disappointment and let him break the kiss, sitting back. "Mm, indeed. Not only is it terribly effective, but also highly enjoyable. For you, of course. Personally I didn't enjoy it at all. Whatsoever. Unless admitting I did will get you to kiss me, in which case it was heavenly."

Victor laughed, gaze flickering across Jim's face. "Oh, no. I'm sure that it was awful for you, but just something you really had to do. No choice whatsoever. You would have done the exact opposite, given your way." He was quiet for only a moment before pressing forwards again to kiss Jim in return.

Jim hummed in agreement, then smiled against Victor's lips and draped his arms over Victor's shoulders, shifting closer. After a little while he broke the kiss, giving a dramatic sigh. "See, that was awful. You're lips are not incredibly soft, and it isn't nice to know I'm kissing someone who's gorgeous. But you should probably kiss me again, in case I'm wrong."

Victor bit his lip to keep from laughing that time, and gave Jim a mock-stern look when he pulled away. "I doubt you're wrong very often. Are you sure you really need to check again?" Okay, he was definitely teasing this time, but it was kind of hard not to sometimes. And that was very definitely one of those times.

Jim hummed in exaggerated thought, even bringing a hand up to his jaw to help sell it. Then he sat in silence for a little while before, consideration covering his features, before he finally spoke. "I am." He decided. "Absolutely sure. In fact, I should probably check soon, with all that time I just waited. Otherwise the world will definitely end."

"The world will end?" Victor feigned a concerned expression, though he couldn't keep the amusement from his tone. "Well, if it's preventing the end of the world, I'm sure that we can both stand it just a little longer. Noble cause and all that. Mainly because we have to live in the world and that goes wrong if it ends."

"It does a bit, yeah." Jim agreed, nodding solemnly. "Actually, just to be safe, whenever we're together we should probably kiss every now and then." He added, feigning a despondent expression. "It'll be hard, I'm sure, but I think we can manage." Jim shifted closer, threading his fingers into Victor's hair and sighing. "Maybe it'll be easier if you recite some poetry to me..?"

"It's a burden we'll just have to bear," Victor agreed, giving a solemn nod. He smiled faintly again, though, and moved into the touch. "More poetry? You'll use up all of the poetry in this doomed world if you're not careful, you know."

"I will?" How tragic and worrying. Jim considered for a moment, then shrugged and sent Victor a smile. "Well, I'll be just be that much more attentive and happy to hear you recite your own poetry to me, then. Because I doubt you'll stop writing and it'll be my only source." He purred, ducking down to press a kiss to Victor's neck. "So will you indulge me?"

Victor let his eyes flicker closed for a moment, letting out a soft breath and nodding. It wasn't his this time, but they had time for that too, didn't they? And it wasn't so lovely either, but it sprung to the forefront of his mind, and would have to be good enough. "William Blake, this time.

_'O Rose thou art sick._   
_The invisible worm,_   
_That flies in the night_   
_In the howling storm:_

_Has found out thy bed_   
_Of crimson joy:_   
_And his dark secret love_   
_Does thy life destroy.'"_

Jim stayed silent while Victor recited, not wanting to interrupt or distract him from the poetry. Although it was hard to not make some noise of appreciation-- Jim really did like William Blake. Had a gorgeous hardcover and sleeve copy of his book, all the poems in text and with their original illustrated forms as well. "Blake is one of my favorites, admittedly. Next to you, of course."

Victor gave him a softer smile, that seemed to rather go along with the reciting of poetry, running his fingers distractedly over Jim's skin in an aimless pattern. "He's good, I think, and especially if you enjoy hearing his work. But I must say, I still think you're over-estimating my talents. They're more sleep-deprived scribbles than much else."

"Mm, my favorite is probably the Tyger. Which makes me sound like a poetry newbie, I'm aware, but it's the truth. First poem I ever fell in love with." And really, it was hard to put anything above what had gotten him into poetry in the first place. Jim always had been a fan of the classics, anyway. "Alright, correction. He's my favorite poetry writer, and you're my favorite reciter. Not to insult your poem, it was very good, but I have only heard the one."

"That's a good reason to have it as a favourite," he answered, giving a faint nod and then raising an eyebrow. "Oh, you heard a few, actually. Don't think I bothered to make a point of telling you when they were mine and when they were others, but... you know. There are still an awful lot of wonderful writers in this world, more than me."

"I did?" Right-- Jim had asked for one by Victor, and then ending up figuring out that the lust one had been Victor's as well. They had both been nice. "Ah, right, I'd forgotten. I blame you, because you're distracting." He commented, placing another kiss on Victor's skin, his jaw that time. "True. But it's terribly hard to be the best. And you're still my favorite reciter." 

"Ah, yes, it's all my fault." He pressed lightly into Jim's touch, a comfortable and quite automatic movement after all. "I'm glad I'm your favourite reciter. I'll have to make sure that you never hear another person with a better voice than me recite poetry, now."

Jim laughed lightly, tilting his head up to steal a chaste kiss. "Well, I'm very easily bias, is the problem. So any competitors would have to have a better voice than you, and be at least as likable. And you must admit, it didn't take very long for me to like you, so that would be challenging." He pointed out.

"I actually do feel rather reassured by that," Victor admitted, and then gave Jim quite the blinding smile. "It's a miracle! Well, kind of. It's nice to hear that kind of thing, and... well, I don't actually recite poetry to anyone else now, either."

There as an odd, fluttery feeling that Jim hadn't felt in a long time at Victor's smile and so went ignored. Instead Jim smiled back softly before letting Victor continue talking. "Well, I'm glad that for now at least, it seems as though I have your poetry voice all to myself. I may not be very good at sharing, after all."


	5. Out the Door and Back Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor leaves. But hey, he comes back again after, so it's all good.

"I can't imagine that you're really the sharing type," Victor admitted, giving a faint little shrug and adjusting his position on the floor again, to try to stay half comfortable. "With anything, really. Just... stars and poetry, because they're better when you can share them with someone, after all."

"Guilty as charged." It helped that Jim didn't really have to share much, though. From a strictly logical standpoint, he had a very nice life. Got most of what he wanted, lived in luxury, etc. "I didn't really share those with anyone up until today, though. No one to share them with until you."

"No one else who was interesting enough to bother with and enjoyed the stars at the same time?" Victor asked, curiously. (And it was the proper, personal kind; any ulterior motives he might have had when he thought of this at first were left at the wayside for now, quite accidentally.)

Jim sighed, he didn't even really have to think about it. "Nah. People... well, I'm not really the type most would look at at think I liked stars and poetry. In general, I was avoided after I was about sixteen, and after that I got into crime fairly quickly, so there wasn't much of star people."

"Good point," Victor conceded. Jim was... well, not exactly the usual sort, but then, people always were surprising one way or another, as far as Victor had known so far. Counting those he had known enough about to find the surprises, at the very least. It was kind of important. "Perhaps there'll be more in years to come."

"Maybe." Jim shrugged-- that'd just be more vices, which meant that he'd have to get rid of others, so while Victor was around Jim wouldn't really be looking. The same basic things taking up two of Jim's seven slots wasn't a very appealing idea. "What about you then, darling agent? Ever shared in stars and poetry with someone else?"

I have," Victor admitted, shooting another glance over at him, accompanied by a mildly bashful smile. "I took an English degree; there were plenty of people to share poetry with then. Less stars, apart from before, in Norfolk. You can get a really good view there, honestly, and it was always beautiful. There are only a few people I've taken to see that."

Yeah, that was probably one of those things Jim should have (and probably would have, if he'd bothered to put in the effort instead of just asking) figured out on his own. And it was nice that Victor didn't say that there'd only been the one important person, or something like that, because Jim was already likely to get jealous. "Lucky people. Sounds gorgeous."

He nodded, grinning briefly. "Oh, yeah. Beautiful, definitely, but deadly boring most of the time. To go with generally bigoted in most ways I can think of, but apparently, that's just what happens in small communities. Great stars, though."

"Nothing's perfect." And hey, it wasn't like Jim was required to talk to the locals about civil rights if he ever went to a small, pretty town. "You know, when I was younger, I hated astronauts." Honestly, he still wasn't particularly fond of them, but not with the same childish intensity. 

"Really?" Victor gave him a curious look, sitting up a little more properly. "Why?" It seemed a mildly odd thing to dislike, especially when so many kids wanted to be one at some point. Then again, with the stars, maybe he could understand it.

"People have the tendency to ruin things." Jim replied, giving a slight shrug. "Stars were one of the only two good things I really had, after everything. I didn't want people ruining them." He paused, then chuckled. "It was only later I realized there's not much people can do to hurt a star."

Victor smiled easily; he thought he could rather understand that despite the illogicality of it. "Lucky thing, too. I'd hate to have something like that taken away for the sake of a few idiots, after all. It'd be quite the tragic fate."

Jim smiled slightly and instead of replying, because in life words didn't always work very well, he kissed Victor softly. There had, after all, been a lull in kissing and logically, to fix that, Jim kissed Victor. It was very sensible.

Victor's fingers came up to trace across Jim's skin again, and when they finally did break apart he grinned. "Can't sit around here all night, can we? We'll never get anything done again, that way."

Jim sighed dramatically, draping his arms over Victor's shoulders and placing a light kiss on his neck. "Ugh, true. If only I'd gotten you here earlier." Jim was, admittedly, exhausted. "You should go. And I should sleep."

"Ah, sleep. The most elusive of beasts." He smiled softly again anyway, and caught Jim in one last kiss. (Supposedly, anyway.) "But, yeah. I'm sure I'll have things to do in the morning."

"Mm, there'll probably be a job for you." Jim agreed, ducking his head to bury his face against the crook of Victor's neck. He wished he could just take Victor to bed with him, honestly. He was warm. It'd be easier to fall asleep, wrapped around him. But Jim had nightmares and he wasn't willing to share that, so he broke away and stood up, stretching slightly. "Alright. Go away, then. Try not to miss me too dearly, my gorgeous poet, hm?"

Give us a hand up, would you?" Victor requested, holding his hand out towards Jim and giving him a rather awkward, brief smile. "If you want me to walk away from this rather than crawl, which I could do. But it's not very dignified and I would rather avoid it."

"Dunno... could be amusing to see." Jim mused, looking at Victor with consideration before he couldn't keep up the act and smiled, taking his hand and pulling him up. "Alright. But only because I'm incredibly merciful and you're still pretty. Do you ever take a break from that?"

Victor gave him a grateful little smile once he was up, and dusted his trousers off. "Amazingly merciful, but you have to be to cripples. It's the _law_." He grinned, bright and brief. "Being pretty is a full-time occupation for me."

"Darn it. Seems I'll be entranced full time then." Jim gave a small pout, then his lips turned up in a small, teasing grin. "Don't forget to pick up you're shirt on the way out." He commented, only amused because it had seemed Victor had forgotten Jim had taken it off.

"Ohhh. Yeah. Probably shouldn't forget that." He shot Jim a little grin, before finally leaving to find it and put it back on.

Jim lightly chucked, watching Victor leave before smiling to himself and going to bed, getting a bit of work done before he retired from consciousness for the night.

Victor was, admittedly, very distracted on his way home, and it took him a while to both go to bed and sleep. It was fitful, but that wasn't new, but the wondering what the _hell_ he was really doing with all this was.

The only reason Jim took a bit longer to sleep was the annoying lack of warmth, but he was rather always tired unless something riveting was going on, so he fell asleep relatively quickly anyway, waking up late the next morning and texting Victor a job as promised. 

Victor replied with his acknowledgement, slipping easily back into the routine of working. He couldn't afford to be distracted, after all, and... well. He wasn't entirely sure where they stood right now.

There were a few things Jim had to do today, sadly, so he got out of bed and went to work. Annoyingly busy. But near the end of the day he did find time to send a text to Victor.

**Come over later to brief me on the job. x**

**I've heard worse plans. VT**

Admittedly, he was still trying to really rationalise all of this in his head, but still. There wasn't too much harm. And after a day on his feet, he could really do with something different for the evening.

**I'd hoped you'd say that. x**

Jim started on his way home, sitting in the back of a car while messing on his phone. Well, texting Victor and telling Sebastian not to come over tonight. It counted, though.

**Want me to pour you a glass of wine? x**

**Go on, then. I'll indulge myself. VT**

And also sort his life out before he left the house, which seemed a good idea. Especially when one hadn't yet informed a potential partner of a certain lack of leg. And also because he _really_ needed a very brief shower. 

**Give me half an hour. Ish. VT**

**Oh, you are just making my night. x**  
  
Half an hour. Jim'd be home by then. Not with much wriggle room, judging by the traffic, but still. It's not like Jim needed much time to change and pour wine.  
Oh, Jim had forgotten the affect of Victor's blushes. Actually, he'd forgotten the affect of Victor entirely, but that wasn't the important part at the moment. Jim stole a chaste kiss, smiling softly. "You're going to have to elaborate a bit, darling, if you want me to understand what you mean."  
  
**Alright. Seen you in half an hour then, star man. x**

Okay, so that nickname may have made Victor grin like an idiot at his phone, when really what he needed to do was stop wasting time. He promptly attempted to do just that, sorting himself out quickly in order to arrive only a little late. It was practically a miracle, if he said so himself.

Jim got back to his house in a little over twenty minutes, traffic cleared up, and got changed into a button down and slacks, glad to be free of a suit. He lit a fire and set out two glasses of wine as promised, curling up on the couch and reading until he heard Victor arrive. He put the book down on a side table and greeted Victor with a soft smile. "Ah, Mr. Trevor. Lovely to see you for strictly business reasons again."

"Strictly business," Victor agreed with a quick smile as he stepped properly into the room. "Just with wine. Frankly, more business meetings should be conducted with wine; it would make boardrooms less intolerably dull. I imagine. Side-tracked again, sorry."

"Trust me when I say it's no issue." Jim replied, closing the door behind Victor and nodding to the couch. "And I agree, most things are less boring when there's wine. Because at the very least, you can drink the wine for entertainment." Or stare at a fire.

Victor sat down with no small measure of relief, giving the other man a rather more relaxed smile this time. "Right, exactly. And it also has this tendency to make people more honest, in general, which could be very helpful."

"Admittedly the reason I offered you time the first time around." Jim gave an unashamed smile and sat down next to Victor, leaning in to kiss his cheek before picking up a glass of wine. "Though this time it's because you had said you liked it."

Okay, so perhaps Victor blushed at the kiss to his cheek, dropping his gaze for a moment and picking up the other glass. "Well. That's... as good a reason as any. It's kind of strange to be drinking again, though. Makes me even unsteadier-- miraculous."

Oh, Jim had forgotten the affect of Victor's blushes. Actually, he'd forgotten the affect of Victor entirely, but that wasn't the important part at the moment. Jim stole a chaste kiss, smiling softly. "You're going to have to elaborate a bit, darling, if you want me to understand what you mean." 

"Probably ought to do that, yeah," he agreed, looking rather sheepish for a moment, and taking a drink from his glass before he continued. "I worked really quite hard, at one point, to avoid the very type of unsteadiness in gait that one tends to experience when really kinda pissed. Its not really such an entirely good kind of miraculous, but hey, it's worth it."

"Ah, see, now I understand perfectly." Jim clinked his glass against Victor's with an amused smile, then took a sip. "Although, I'm not entirely sure a glass of wine will leave you 'really kinda pissed'. So unless you're planning on getting us both more than a wee bit tipsy via lots of wine, which is another story entirely, I do believe you'll be fine."

"Ahh, but I have a horrific tolerance. Or lack thereof." He shrugged slightly; he really wasn't that worried about it for the moment. He needed kissing, after all, and so that seemed like a good enough idea. "But I will manage, yes, I'm sure. Just tired and sore from a day on my feet, honestly. Anyway. Probably not important."

Probably not important? Victor had this horrible tendency to become rather self-deprecating whenever he spoke for more than a few seconds. Jim decided he'd try to fix that, over time. "Oh, I know what you mean." He said, voice already half complaining. "Today was horrible. One of those 'everything goes wrong' day. Although I did hear you lost someone's leg? Please tell me that's true, because it's hilarious."

Victor stifled a laugh, taking another sip of his wine before putting down the glass, because otherwise he was pretty sure he'd end up spilling it when he gestured along with the conversation. "I mean, lost is a strong word. Misplaced might be a better one, which is surprisingly easy to do, sometimes. I would know these things. That could have gone worse, technically."

Jim grinned widely when Victor defended himself, allow a light laugh after he'd finished. "I'm sure it could have. Just as I'm sure there is a very interesting story to how you ended up with someone's leg in the first place. Which I'll get you to tell me later, when I'm feeling too tired to be as active in the conversation." He paused. "Actually, no, I will ask you to tell me now. Far too intriguing to wait."


	6. How Victor Lost A Leg Twice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interesting stories, at least.

" _Well_. I feel I should point out I felt rather hypocritical and guilty about all this, because I've been in similar situations and it's not so fun." He paused a moment, and made a vague gesture towards himself. "Not that you'd know it, with how incredible I appear. But the thing is about people with both legs in working order is that they have this terrible tendency to run off. Or wander out of the room you really need them to stay in if everything is to go to plan. They find it more difficult otherwise."

Jim gave a soft, slightly stifled chuckle at 'with how incredible I appear' but quieted down when Victor continued, loath to interrupt. "Right, if course. So you remove one of their legs." Made sense. Sounding tiring, though. "Wait--" If Victor felt hypocritical because he'd been in that sort of position before... "Do you not have both of your legs?" Seemed like the kind of thing Jim would have noticed, honestly.

"Right! And then while they're busy going 'oh shit' I can deal with the rest of it and get my job done. Very efficient. Quite funny. Almost forgot about returning it." Victor grinned then, if briefly and with a bit of embarrassment to go along with it, and gave a faint shrug. "Nah. But I nabbed some pretty amazing tech before I left MI6. I function very well, if I say so myself."

"How in the world could you have returned if you misplaced it?" It hadn't sounded like Victor had returned it, from what he heard. But then, Jim had only overheard something about a lost leg and Victor's name through a group of men gigging when he passed by a meeting room, so his information wasn't exactly water tight. Jim did, however, shoot Victor a suspicious look when he said he didn't have both of his legs. "If you're lying to me I will be mildly amused. But also slightly put off. Just to warn you."

"That's where it gets tricky. Lost would mean I couldn't find it again, but misplaced-- I did find it. And have posted it." He looked quite sheepish for a moment; it seemed even more silly when he looked back on it like that. Oh well. It wasn't the first time that he did strange things, after all. "Of all the things I could lie about, that would be one of the silliest. I'd never be able to keep it up, after all. You'd definitely notice sooner or later. And I'm pretty sure it would be a joke in awful taste."

Alright-- that time there was no stifling his laughter. Jim quickly put down his wine so as to not spill it in the process. "You _posted_ someone's leg to them?" He managed to get out. "Christ, you're amazing. Tell me you sent an apology letter as well. It would make my week." Jim quieted his laughter, although he was still smiling and maybe his shoulders were still shaking a bit. But silently, so it was alright. "I don't put you past making a joke in bad taste for a moment, star man."

That made it rather impossible for Victor not to laugh too, which took him a while to stifle so that he could actually answer properly. "I did not!" he protested, and then bit his lip. "I just... very nicely posted it back. I tried to think of something to write, but everything seemed too silly and weird, so I gave up." Victor twisted towards Jim a little more, stretching his legs out before him carefully, sounding a little amused as he continued. "Okay, okay, I shall prove this to you, my doubting friend. One proper leg," he tugged up his trouser on the left, and then the other as he continued. "And one leg not made of flesh and bone."

Jim breathed out an, "Oh." and moved his attention to the prothetic leg, running a hand over it. Victor hadn't been kidding-- it was rather impressive. Jim wasn't entirely sure he knew how it worked, exactly, even though he'd seen it for more than a flash of a moment. That tended to be enough. He shifted a bit further back on the sofa so he could look at it with more ease. How he hadn't noticed this was probably to due with how advanced it seemed to be, although Jim did feel something unpleasant when he realized that meant Victor had, in fact, lost a leg at some point. "Does it hurt?"

Victor gave an awkward little shrug, his expression somewhere between surprise and awkward amusement. People were rarely so curious first off, but he couldn't say that it was entirely a bad reaction. "If I'm on my feet too long I can get sore, and some things are kind of exhausting, but no. Not now. I had good after care." He paused a moment, and rested a finger on a point about half way down his thigh. "My actual leg ends about there, and the prosthetic socket goes up further. But the really interesting bit is the knee."

"Oh?" Jim moved his gaze to Victor's face for a moment, his expression most definitely interested, before it flicked down to where Victor's knee would be. Or, where his prothetic one would be, but it was still rather covered by now-bunched up trousers. Pity. If it was interesting he'd have wanted to look at it. Instead he looked back at Victor again, now expectant. The knee probably have to be more complicated to function properly. "Do you know how it works?" Well, that was clearly a yes. "Right, of course you do. How _does_ it work?"

Victor leant forward a bit, pulling his trouser leg up as far as he could, mostly so that he could generally point at things while he explained. "There's a 'knee angle sensor” thing, to start with, which measures the angle and speed of the knee, and gives the microprocessor information to help with the swinging bit, and being stable when standing still. And then-- there's software built in, basically, into which information is programmed about an individual person's gait, then it gets data from sensors and knows where I am in my step, and gives it the right resistance."

Once the knee was exposed Jim gladly moved his eyes to it, carefully following what Victor said while inspecting the machinery itself. "That's amazing." He murmured once Victor stopped-- or paused, Jim wasn't sure. "It's no wonder I couldn't tell." Jim would have had to been paying unnecessary attention to the way Victor walked. A flash of concern went through Jim's mind, the prothetic could have some sort of bug or tracking device, but Victor probably would have checked and gotten rid of any, and Jim was relatively sure at this point that Victor wasn't planning on betraying him. 

"I know, right? There are more sensors lower down to monitor heel strike and that kind of thing. And lucky for me, it's also far more comfortable than it could be otherwise; I'm kinda pretty active compared to most people and that ends up with a different type of prosthetic socket being used. More comfy, healthier, better control, but takes longer to get on in the morning. Still-- it's good." He shot Jim a sidelong look, maybe a little embarrassed at having gone on quite so much. "People don't usually ask. They shy away from the topic altogether, and while that's fine in most respects, the technology really is interesting. It used to be more obvious but I've improved over the years."

Jim really didn't mind Victor's explanations-- they were, in fact, exactly what he'd been hoping for. He only returned Victor's look with a small smile, before moving his gaze back, placing a hand on the knee to see if he could feel any movement from the technology working. But, while Victor had been very informative, it wasn't very easy for Jim to simply _not_ ask questions when he was interested. "How long _does_ it take to get on in the mornings? Do you still feel any phantom sensations?" Jim paused. "How long have you had the prothetic, anyway, and--" He was ready for Victor to not explain to this one, "--would you be comfortable telling me what happened?"

Victor considered that for a moment, before heading into his explanations again, quite enthusiastically. "I'm not entirely sure; there's a whole routine and it depends how distracted I get. I can manage about half an hour to get everything done and have it fitting properly. Phantom sensations-- sometimes, at night, mostly. Good aftercare and getting mobile fast helped, but with a traumatic injury and then surgery, rather than a proper planned amputation--" He broke off; considering the rest of it, which would perhaps explain that anyway. "It must be about five years, now, though. I can-- yeah. If you like, probably, I could tell you."

Traumatic injury. Unplanned surgery. That... really sounded like the type of thing that would end up having a man wake up in the middle of the night from the memories. Although, five years ago, maybe not as much, depending on what happened afterwards. "You don't have to." Jim assured, because oftentimes people assumed that they had to do whatever Jim even implied, lest they end up getting killed. To help solidify the message, Jim leaned forward and placed another kiss on Victor's cheek. It had seemed to relax him last time. "If you are willing, I would like to know. If you aren't, simply assuring me that whoever did this to you paid dearly for it would be fine."

Victor did manage to relax a little when Jim pressed a kiss to his cheek, a soft blush colouring his skin. "No, it's okay. It's a long while ago, anyway." Of course, that didn't mean that he wasn't still woken by the memories, and that there weren't still things that made him feel horribly anxious, but it used to be worse. He continued, sounding quite matter-of-fact. "It was on the job, unsurprisingly. I got myself into quite the sticky situation-- the people who I was supposed to have been taking out and found me. They tried to get information from me, but... time limits, I guess, so they decided to leave me where I was when they left. They informed me they planned to bring the building down after them." He grimaced, not quite looking at Jim. "They were true to their word, anyway. I was very lucky. People told me that a lot."

Jim listened silently, giving a short nod when Victor was done, then turning and leaning against Victor, Jim's back to his chest, careful to avoid laying either of his legs on Victor's prothetic. He wasn't entirely sure what would hurt or not, so for now it was probably better to avoid rattling it, or anything of the like. "I'm sure it took you all of two times to get sick of people telling you that. Especially considering I doubt any of them actually knew what it was like." Jim didn't either, though, so he wasn't sure what to say. "Living isn't always lucky." That much he did know. "But I am rather glad you did."

Victor gave a quiet huff of laughter, slipping his arms around Jim easily and almost automatically. "It didn't take long to get really pissed off at the people saying it. Luckily, there were quite a few people on the ward who were in agreement with me on that matter, and complaining about overly optimistic nurses was a great pleasure of mine then." He gave a faintly melancholy smile. "I think I'm glad, too. It all worked out okay in the end, even if I wouldn't call it lucky by any stretch, even now. It's only comparative luck, and comparing to death isn't really much of a comparison to start with."

Jim laughed lightly, turning his head to press his lips to Victor's jaw for a moment before resting his head on Victor's shoulder and giving a hum of consideration. "Admittedly, I never had to deal with overly optimistic nurses." The closest he'd gotten was dealing with Sebastian, who was the only one to really talk to him about Jim being injured, and that was usually just to yell at Jim for being stupid. Oh well. "Death is... terrifying, to a lot of people. But when one's not scared of death, hardships do seem... harder. 'At least I lived' isn't really a comfort."

"Right," he agreed, quite glad that at least someone seemed to understand it. Everyone else just seemed to think he ought to be entirely grateful, which for his life, he was, but for the situation? It wasn't that simple. "I mean, I try my best to be optimistic in ways that really make sense to me, but that? It never really did. People do it to just about anyone, too. In a lot of situations, death can seem like the easy option." He sighed faintly, but brightened up a little. "It's easier when there are people who genuinely care and don't tell you you're lucky."

Jim laughed lightly. "Very true. Last time I was in the hospital, after I woke up from the coma, Sebastian told me I was an idiot." Well, that was almost a nice way of putting it. "Among other things. But then, it really was my fault in the first place, so I suppose I deserved it. He didn't tell me I was lucky to believe alive, though, which was nice." Actually, that probably would have been the stupidest thing Sebastian could have said. "What about you, then? Who was your shining light that didn't tell you that you were lucky, at the time?"

"Coma? That's definitely dramatic." Victor asked, curiously, hopefully in a way that made it clear that an answer was optional. Although he did rather think that if Jim didn't want to tell him something, he wouldn't be told, and he'd have no qualms about making that clear. "Ah, well..." And here was where he had to be even more careful, probably. He wasn't sure how well it would be received if he mentioned Sherlock by name. "My boyfriend at the time. Very logical, you know. Traditional comfort wasn't really his style."

"Hm?" Oh, explanation was probably wanted. "Oh, right, I shot myself in the head. Had a few aftereffects."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> victor 'sad nerd' trevor  
> jim 'suicidal sap' moriarty


	7. As it Draws to a Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone gets sleepy.

"Oh, right, I shot myself in the head. Had a few aftereffects." But hey, that happened at least a solid few months ago, so it wasn't really important to him anymore. "On a rooftop, actually. It was all very dramatic. Sebastian ended up saving my life, so feel free to thank him if you feel the urge." Not that Jim had. But the plan was for him to have died with Sherlock on that rooftop, and Basher had messed that up, so Jim wasn't planning on thanking him. "Ah, sounds nice. And logic is almost always helpful."

Victor raised his eyebrows, shock evident in his expression. He had known about most of it, but of course, the aftermath was a complete mystery to him. "I'd imagine so," he answered. "It's one of the things which people would say you're lucky about, if they got the chance, I reckon. I might well have to thank him." Victor was glad he was here, after all. Very much more than he had expected to when this whole thing was started. "But I'd not say almost always. It can be very unhelpful, sometimes. And frustrating. Oh, of the things one does for love."

"Mm, I suppose." Lucky to have survived a suicide attempt. Well, most people were rather silly, so it was a possibility. "Alright-- maybe not almost all the time. But almost all the time when not including relationships. I do admit that relationships and logic very rarely mix well, especially romantic ones. They are based too much on feelings. Better to use emotions to navigate them. But for most other things, logic is good."

"Silly," Victor murmured, a softly unexplained comment that was mostly to himself: but from the sound of that situation, it was even more of a bad thing to say. He smiled faintly at the last part, and nodded his agreement. "It always seemed to work well for him in other areas, and even I find it useful most of the time. Everything has its place, though, I suppose."

Jim furrowed his brow and sent Victor a questioning look-- he wasn't even entirely sure what Victor was responding to, never mind why he thought it was silly. "Well, admittedly, I don't rely purely on logic. In work, I react using logic, but first I have to understand emotions. Otherwise no one would do what I'd say, nor would any threats work." He mused, then looked amused and kissed Victor's neck. "True. Just like you have a new place, as my lovely pillow."

Victor laughed softly, leaning to press a kiss to Jim's cheek. "Your threats are basically legendary, I think. I can see how an understanding of emotions would help with that, immensely." He grinned, shifting a little to pull Jim ever so slightly closer. "I'm not sure that I'm the best choice you could have made, as pillows go."

Jim smiled softly, letting himself be moved and snuggling into Victor contently. "Hm. Glad to know I can scare people when needed, then." Hopefully not just all the time, though, because Jim didn't fancy the thought of Victor being scared of him. "Hush. You're a lovely pillow." He turned to rest on his side, next to Victor now but he laid his head on Victor's chest. "I may end up just falling asleep on you, at some point."

Victor let his fingers rest against the other man's skin, one of those faint smile colouring his expressions again. "I can think of worse things than you falling asleep on me," he answered dryly. "But I can think of more comfortable positions to do it in. Warmer ones, too. I'm all about not being cold, and laying on people at the same time."

Jim half-successfully stifled a laugh. "You sound like you're trying to get me to take you to bed, but in the most sweet and innocent way possible." He teased, then leaned up to kiss Victor gently, still smiling a little. "You know, you've yet to show any flaws in my presence. It's quite unfair, I'll have you know-- being so perfect."

"Me?" Victor questioned in a wholly innocent tone, although he grinned wickedly a moment later. "I'd never do anything like that." It hadn't entirely been the intention, honestly, but he was always open to options. "No flaws? I think last night's failure to get off the floor without help kind of counts as one, or just legs in general. While I am, of course, utterly brilliant, I couldn't say anywhere close to perfect."

Jim lightly hit Victor's chest, looking at him with amusement. "Diabhal." He shook his head and settled down again, looking up at Victor. "If you think that counts as a flaw I'm going to start being worried you are actually perfect, not just seemingly perfect." Jim replied. "Well, doubtfully to yourself, of course. But maybe what you consider to be flaws I don't, at least not on you. Different minds and all."

Victor laughed lowly again, swatting gently at Jim's side. "There's a language I don't know," he commented easily, before twisting a little to press a kiss to his skin again. It was surprisingly affectionate, honestly. "Hmmm. I think we may have to continue to disagree on that matter, but I can't say that I mind. It's always nice when other people have a mildly higher opinion of you than yourself, after all. Or it's nice in most senses, most of the time. Y'know."

"Don't worry, most people don't. I may or may not have just called you a devil. But you were acting rather devilish, so I think it's justified. If you want I could call you star man in Irish, instead, but I prefer it in english." Personal preference. Though he usually liked Irish better in general. "I wouldn't know. I personally think that I am entirely perfect with no faults whatsoever in any form, so I'm not sure anyone else could have a higher opinion of me. Actually, I know no one does. Because I'm a genius. Of course."

His smile widened; he had always been keen on languages, and especially when they were directed towards him. Although, that didn't happen very often any more, he would have to admit. "I like it," he informed Jim. "And just maybe it was justified." Yeah, okay, it was definitely justified, so he couldn't complain. "I like your outlook. It's one I attempt to adopt myself, but you seen to be rather better at it. It's probably because you are entirely perfect in just about every way imaginable, as far as I can see. It's a good skill."

"Mm, tá teangacha deas. Ba chóir dom a compliment duit, hm? Tá tú an-taibhseach, diabhal." Jim teased, nipping playfully at Victor's neck, barely grazing the skin there. "Oh, well, practice makes perfect. Still working on it, admittedly. Although I am a genius, so that's easy to be confident about." Well. Pretend to be confident about, or like. He blushed when Victor complimented him, though, eyes falling from Victor's for a moment. "Hush, you. We can't both be perfect if we're different people, you know."

Victor hummed lowly, listening to the sounds of the words and the inflections instead, since he didn't know the meanings. It sounded like a compliment, at least in part, though, so he grinned. "I'm going to have to learn it now, you know. It's unavoidable." He pulled the other man into a kiss, his fingers brushing lightly across his cheek. "I think we very much can. I think it's a mistake to think there aren't many types of perfect. Are sunrises more perfect than sunsets, or stars more perfect than the sun?"

"I definitely won't mind hearing Irish on your tongue." Jim purred, kissing back without a hint of complaint. If anything, he may have trailed after Victor's lips for a moment when he pulled away to break off. "Oh, you just had to bring stars into this. That's cheating. Alright, fine, we can both be perfect. I suppose the analogy makes a bit of sense, considering you're as pretty as any star out there is." Oh, that was rather soppy. "If not as bright." Jim added, giving a mischievous grin.

"I would never cheat," Victor insisted, that innocent look coming back again, despite the fact they would both certainly know it was feigned this time. "Not even in board games." The last part made Victor laugh briefly, all too amused by what was technically an insult. "Now, if we were as bright as stars, you wouldn't be able to look at me so closely, and I you. Wouldn't that be an awful shame?"

Jim rolled his eyes, tempted to hit Victor again. But he was unendingly merciful so he didn't, deciding to simply not deign to give a response to Victor's proclamation, moving onto the next part instead. "I was trying to insult you and now you've gone and made it sweet again. You are truly a menace, Agent Trevor." Jim gave a dramatic sigh. "But that would be tragic, yes. I couldn't appreciate your beauty." 

"It's one of my main skills," he murmured in return, Jim's sigh making him have to suppress an amused smile. "Perhaps you'll have to think of insults with fewer positive connotations which I can come up with, next time. Though those kind have a tendency to get personal, so maybe not. I think I've had enough of all that in softer situations for the moment."

True. Jim had only said the insult in the first place because he'd been overly sweet beforehand, anyway, but he didn't tell Victor that. "Oh, star man, I'm not going to actually insult you anytime soon. Then you'd be offended and not come 'round and therefore wouldn't be available for my selfish wishes like talking to you and using you as a heated pillow. And you, my darling agent, are a vice I think I'll try to keep around for a while."

"Oh." Victor went quiet for a few moments, a little frown colouring his expression until he realised that probably didn't look very positive, when really he was more surprised than anything else, and it was good, really. "I'm glad," he said eventually, a little more tentative. "I really am. This is-- I'm glad. I've missed things like this, and you really are kind of incredible. Getting a bit sentimental and rambly there, though. Probably ought to stop that."

Jim's small smile fell away when Victor didn't reply. It's not as though he'd just confessed his love or anything, just said that he liked the idea of having Victor's company in the future. Jim had already said he wasn't in the habit of denying himself things if they were on his list of seven-- and he'd already told Victor he was on that list. But then Victor actually talked and Jim let out a soft breath of relief. "No, no that was fine. I... you're incredible yourself, you know."

Victor gave another of those smiles: the one that came sudden and bright, full of cheer, but was gone just as soon as it came. It was sincere, yes, but still ever so fleeting. (He thought he may have picked up the habit from his sister at some point, but that was a little irrelevant.) "Nah, but close enough. Just never ask me to dance with you, because then you really will discover I am very far from incredible in some senses."

"I am a terrible person, to be sure, star man, but I am not a lier." Jim paused. "Okay, I am. But not to you, so when I say you're incredible, I am telling the truth. And that is simply a fact you will have to learn to do with." He shifted closer, slipping his arms around Victor's waist. "And don't worry, I don't really like dancing." Jim could dance, when he had to, but he'd prefer not to in general. 

"Well, if it's like that, maybe I can just about manage," Victor answered softly, a lilt of amusement in his tone. "Thought I can't promise to be all that graceful about it. Facts don't automatically sit well, in some situations. As for dancing, that's rather a stroke of luck." While Victor had been taught how to in his younger years, that knowledge had by no means stuck. Not to mention the leg.

Jim shrugged. "I can hardly control how you deal with the facts, star man. Although the thought is a fun one." He gave an amused grin, silently annoyed to find that he couldn't move any closer. Despite the fire behind him, Jim was sure he could be warmer than this. Oh well. He sighed contently anyway. "I do, however, love singing. My love for it approximately equates to how bad at it I am, though. Fair warning."

Victor traced his fingers over what parts of Jim's skin he could reach absently, a gesture that was quite automatic now. He laughed softly, the sound low from his chest. "Pfssh, the point of singing isn't to be good at it, is it? Otherwise we're all doomed. It's one of those things that you can just enjoy instead."

Jim smiled, leaning into the touch subconsciously, and his smile only grew when Victor spoke. "Oh good. I was worried you'd be opposed to anything not up to scary horror movie lullaby par." He replied. "You know, I may take you up on that innocent bed offer, because this couch isn't as comfortable for lying on. And doesn't really fit two." There. That made it sound logical.

"I think I could do without horror movie lullabies, most of the time," he answered, and then smiled widely. "See, I'm just about always right! Laying down is another one of my greatest skills, as well as being warm in beds. It's all very innocent." And very sensible, which made it seem wonderfully reasonable.

"Same, honestly." That'd be creepy, and Jim wasn't usually a fan of horror movies anyway. "Mm, yes, you're a genius. Or psychic. But the able to be warm while lying in beds is honestly what seals the deal here." And then Jim realized to get to bed, he'd have to part from Victor and put out the fire. "Hm. Will you put out the fire for me in exchange for a thankful kiss?"

"Hmmmm. That does seem like a fair trade, doesn't it?" Victor shifted a little, wincing faintly at the movement and giving the fire a thoughtful look. "Yes, that definitely looks like the kind of thing I can deal with, in my infinite wisdom. Or something along those lines. You would, however, have to stop leaning on me for me to do it properly."

Jim pulled back a bit when Victor winced, thinking he might of hit an injury, but it seemed to pass so Jim settled down again before sighing dramatically. The other downside to their otherwise brilliant plan. "Fine. But for the record, I am entirely reluctant to do so." He declared, sitting up and consequently freeing Victor.

"Right, very reluctant. I can tell just from how you're looking." Victor gave a little nod, before finally standing up, stretching a little before he went over to sort out the fire. "See, it'll be worth all the terrible consequences of bothering to move very soon, I'm sure."

"So you say." Jim shot Victor a mock suspicious look-- not that he could see it, but Jim was relatively sure that the over dramatic suspicion was apparent in his voice as well. "You look very dramatic right now." With the flickering flames playing lights over his skin.

Victor shot him a look, quite surprised and rather pleased, a little smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Thanks, I think." he answered, turning back to the fire to put it out. Or at least, leave it in a position where it would burn down safely on its own. "I've got some very dramatic pictures of me during uni and when I lived with my sister, you know."

"Oh?" That sounded like something Jim would want to see. Young Victor posing for dramatic pictures and looking, well, young. "See, now you have to show me them." Jim declared, standing up and walking over to Victor. "At some point. Unless you have them on you, not now. Sounds like another delay and I am horribly selfish."

"They're at home somewhere, I think," he answered, straightening up after a while and turning back to Jim with a quick smile. "Either that, or Ev still has them. Half of them were taken when I wasn't paying attention, and the other half they're very specific." He made a vague gesture with one hand, and shrugged. "It all made sense to her."

Jim cocked his head. "Well, I hope so. Though it makes sense to me too. Does it not to you?" It was probably just because Victor had the tendency to look dramatic on his own, but not always in the ways his sister wanted. Something along those lines. But that wasn't the important bit. "You, my dearest agent, still aren't in my bed." He pointed out, taking Victor's hand and started to lead him.

"Not always," he admitted, following Jim, presumably towards some kind of bed. "But you might understand why it didn't make sense a little more if you heard her kind of instructions. Anyway--" It was a topic close to his heart, and there were beds to be thinking about just at the moment. "It's all very dramatic."

"True." Maybe it'd have been more odd if he was actually there. But from a logical standpoint it wasn't that weird. "Sounds like it. You've lived a terribly dramatic life, hm?" Jim stopped and opened the door to his room. "Watch out for books." His room was tidy-- not including the books and journals strewn about the floor in small piles. But one of his walls was literally a large bookshelf, so he couldn't be expected to have a room clean of books.

"I've just known an awful lot of very dramatic people," he answered with a little amused smile. "And it's quite fun to get caught up in it, and share in their extreme dramatic nature." He looked around curiously, not quite able to suppress that. "Ah, but books are so much more easily left on the floor. I'll be careful."

"Well, dramatic people just make life that much more fun." Or overly serious people, because they could easily be teased. Jim glanced back, not surprised but mildly amused to find Victor looking around. "Impressive, hm? One of my favorite benefits of being rich." Jim really did like his bookshelf. He sat down on the bed, contemplating changing into pajamas before deciding against it. "Thank you. I try to take good care of my books, so I'd appreciate you not stepping on them. Join me?"

"Very impressive," he agreed, though by this point he was focusing on not treading on things more than anything. Frankly, he thought he was doing very well, considering the way exhaustion tended to effect his fine motor control. "Very nice all round. I'll have to investigate your books in more detail later." He joined Jim on the bed, giving a rather pleased grin. "Amazing."

Jim grinned, pleased that Victor was interested in them. "Of course. And as long as you tell me, you're free to borrow any book you like. Minus my journals, of course." Jim wasn't entirely sure he'd be comfortable with anyone reading them, nonetheless taking the journals out of Jim's house. "Do you take off the prosthetic before going to sleep?" Victor had said he put it on every morning, after all.

"That would be wonderful. I used to have a lot more books than I do now-- they got lost somewhere along the way, though." Okay, there had also been an incident with small fire once, which was only partially his fault. "And, yeah, unless I accidentally fall asleep in bad places. Problem with fancy things like this is that they have to be charged, too. And another reason to still keep a wheelchair in my flat."

"Oh dear. Maybe I won't trust you with my books after all, then." Jim teased, shifting back to lay down and look over Victor for a moment. "Well, I somehow doubt that I have whatever is needed to charge it, so would taking it off be a moot point?" Disappointing. Jim had, admittedly, been looking forward to seeing how it got removed.

Victor chuckled, shifting himself up properly to stretch out on the bed, automatically using his hand to aid the movement of the prosthetic one. "I'm very careful nowadays, and it's been an awfully long time since anything went wrong with them. Apart from moving flats and losing things." He nodded agreement. "Honestly, the issue would be more getting it back on again. There's a whole routine, y'know. Very dull. Maybe I'll have to plan better next time all the same, if you're that curious."

Jim rolled his eyes, turning on his side and laying a hand on Victor's chest. "Alright, fine. But only one at a time, for now." He decided, although he still wasn't being serious. If Victor asked to take more than one Jim wouldn't be opposed. "Oh, I-- yeah, I may be a wee bit curious." Jim said through a blush-- it was clear he'd been rather more transparent than he thought. It was slightly embarrassing. "Only if you don't mind, though, of course."

Victor couldn't help but grin when Jim blushed, shifting to press a quick kiss against the flushed skin there. "Yeah, I might have picked up on the curiosity. Just a little." And honestly, he didn't mind as much as he felt her perhaps ought to. 'Ought' rarely worked, anyway. "I could always just hop home. That sounds like a sensible plan, doesn't it? Make use of the postal system again."

Damn it. Jim's blush deepened. "I thought I was being subtle!" Jim defended. He hadn't wanted to make Victor feel like he had to do anything, after all. Oh well. Seemed as though Victor was able to read him too well for that to work. "Excuse you. I've had to stop leeching your heat for long enough already-- it's cruel to make me wait longer."

Victor kind of dissolved into a fit of giggles when Jim continued, and it took him a while to compose himself enough to actually speak again. He did, however, shift closer to Jim so that he could continue to leech his heat. "Christ," he said when his mirth had finally subsided. "For such a dramatic man, you aren't half a silly bugger."

Jim tried his hardest, he really did, to keep his indignant expression while Victor laughed. But it turned out to be more difficult than he remembered, and eventually he couldn't help a smile. A small smile, accompanied by a (fond) eyeroll, but it still counted, Jim supposed. "Maybe. But being dramatic all the time is tiring, and I like your laugh."

Victor rubbed at his cheek; he really didn't think he had laughed that much in an awfully long time, and it kind of hurt. "It's your fault that I did it," he informed him, still rather amused. "So it would be rather a good idea if you appreciate it too. I mean, it would make it a little more worthwhile on both our counts."

Aw, poor Victor. Jim decided the nobel thing to do there was help him out with his cheek pain. Which Jim did. 'Kissing it better' was the phrase to fit the situation. Then Jim raised an eyebrow, sending Victor a questioning look. "How does me liking your laugh make it more worthwhile for you?" Victor hardly had anything to gain from Jim being slightly more pleased than he would be otherwise.

Okay, so that made Victor blush terribly, despite his best efforts. He supposed that at least counted as a small kind of revenge on Jim's part for earlier, whether it was deliberate or not. "Because it's just nice to know that people like things about you, one way or another. I don't need an awful lot of a reason, really."

"Well, I believe we've already established I like quite a lot of things about you. But yes, your laugh is on that list." More because it indicated that Victor was happy than the sound itself. Not that it was a bad sound, of course. "You do seem to laugh rather easily, yeah. I'm hardly complaining, though."

"I try to find amusement in life where I can, since the rest of it can be a bit crap a lot of the time." He stretched out a little more, for a moment, and made a soft noise of complaint. "Such as exercise. Who ever thought that would be a good idea? What a silly concept."

Jim let out a faint laugh, sliding closer and curling up against Victor properly. "It's not terrible in small amounts. Talking a run can do wonders for clearing a head." He pointed out. "But in large doses, it can be rather annoying. Not including swimming." Which was how Jim exercised. Kept strength subtle.

"Small amounts, I'm all good with," he agreed. "Well, most of the time, anyway. Swimming, while I remember it being rather enjoyable, is no longer my forte." He shrugged with one shoulder, apparently not entirely bothered by the fact. "Swimming in the sea was more exciting, too."

Right, leg. That would definitely pose an issue with swimming, probably shouldn't get the machinery wet and it would weigh Victor down in any case and attempting to swim with one leg sounded more than just a bit difficult. "Well, you could still go in the sea, couldn't you? In the shallower bit, if there was someone to lean on." Although Victor could probably see that as degrading. 

"Probably," he agreed, considering a moment. "Can't get this one wet, but I used to have a really low-tech one that I could. I can't imagine mechanical knees would work well in the sea either, though. But if someone was there, that would work, unless the waves were suddenly seven foot tall." He made another of those vague gestures. "Getting preoccupied. Do you swim?"

That sounded entirely possible, then, with a bit of planning. Not even that much planning, though, except for going with a friend and remembering the old prosthetic. And maybe checking for seven foot tall waves. "I do. It's the main way I exercise. Can't be scaring people off with bulk, but I also hardly don't want to be so weak I can't defend myself if the need arises. Doesn't happen often, with all the lovely henchmen I have protecting me, but I like to have back up plans."

"Very sensible," Victor agreed, considering it a moment more before he nodded. "See, definitely a genius. Except with the most useful type of exercise for you. Still definitely counts." Victor grimaced a little at his own words, and looked a little apologetic. "That made rather more sense in my head."

Jim placed a soft kiss to Victor's lips, smiling. "It's alright, star man. You can explain while we get under the covers, because I'm not as warm as I could be above them." He murmured, pulling away from Victor to quietly slide under the expensive sheets so he'd be able to hear Victor's explanation. It was interesting to hear how his brain worked versus how Victor made the thoughts understandable.

Victor slipped under the covers too, because Jim was right about it not being too warm, and besides, how else was the man going to use him as a personal heater? "Well," he said after a moment. "It isn't that good a point anyway. But I just meant-- you know, about the different types of genius, and this time it's with the most correct and enjoyable exercise for you. And also in other ways. And it's getting twisted up again."

Jim gave a fond smile, wrapping himself around Victor again once he was settled underneath the duvet. "That time it was entirely comprehensible." He assured, ducking his head down to kiss Victor's neck before he rested his head on Victor's shoulder and relaxed, letting out an approving sigh. "Thank you for appreciating my exercise smarts, star man. It's very nice of you."

Victor gave another low hum of thanks, pressing a kiss to Jim's skin and going back to tracing his fingers over the parts which he could reach. "You're welcome. We need all sorts of smarts in this world, after all. I specialise in a weird combination of them, myself."

"You do." Jim agreed. "A very weird combination of them, really. But then, so do I." How to plan murders, how to rob banks, how to not give information during torture, but then also poetry memorization and facts about the stars and not well known places that were lovely. "I think it's a good thing, to have a weird combination."

"It'd be hard to get through life otherwise," Victor answered thoughtfully. "Just doing one type of thing the whole time, I mean. It wouldn't work awfully well for anyone. You need a change, an escape, something different from your norm. I think that's just human."

"Now who's the clever one?" Jim teased, tilting his head up to press his lips to Victor's jaw, humming in thought for a brief moment before pulling back. "You should tell me a story." Because Jim was, frankly, exhausted but he'd respond if Victor was just talking and then neither of them would get to sleep, because talking. But if all Jim had to do was listen...

"Ah, I just get horribly philosophical at this time in the evening," he answered, before pausing to consider it for a moment. "Okay, then. What kind? I still remember an awful many Greek myths, if that would do."

"Really?" That sounded interesting. And Jim was expecting a half-coherent one made up on the fly. Greek myth sounded much more promising. "Okay, I'm requesting a Greek myth now. Your favorite, if that's not a bother." Jim let his eyes fall shut, shifting to get more comfortable before settling in a position and listening. 

"I'm afraid its pretty much impossible for me to pick a favourite," Victor said with an amused note in his tone, glancing down at Jim. "But I'll tell you about Atlas. What I remember of the story, informally, anyway. Anyhow: Atlas was a Titan, I believe, and his brother was Prometheus. Half man, half god, you know. He lived on Atlantis at first, with a farm and cattle and daughters-- and a garden. There was a tree of golden apples there, tended by his daughters, the Hesperides. The tree, however, belonged to Hera-- quite the goddess, was she."

Jim let out a soft, sleepy laugh. "My apologies." He murmured, glad to hear that Victor had decided on one anyway. He kept his eyes shut, happy to have Victor's voice in his ear in lieu of seeing him. And it was better for lulling to sleep, in any case. Especially with how smooth Victor's voice actually was. He gave a hum of acknowledgement when Victor paused the story, but didn't comment.

"Right, anyway." Victor paused for a moment, trying to remember what came next. "Hera found out that his daughters had been eating the apples, and jealous as she was, kicked him out. And eventually, there was a war waged on the gods, which Atlas played his part in. Thought he had no choice, I suppose. He was judged, and given the punishment to hold the whole of the cosmos on his back, a task befitting of his strength, which was integral in his downfall, as well as playing enough on his vanity as to prevent him dropping it. The weight was enormous, and for a long time, he was silent, until he found he could hear the noises of the world where it rested close to his head. But still, I presume he dreamt of freedom, which was where Heracles came in. A hero, kind of-- illegitimate child of Zeus, given immortality by the fact that Zues convinced Hera, just once, to feed him. Y'know, babies and all that. He was the only one strong enough to take Atlas' burden from him."

Jim ended up, quite counter to the point of getting Victor to tell him a story, actively trying to stay awake so he could hear the end. Sounded like something Victor really liked, or at least he liked Greek myths in general, and so Jim didn't just want to fall asleep halfway though. That could be insulting. Or disheartening. Although it did end up being rather difficult, and Jim started slipping into sleep every now and then before waking. Missed a few words here and there. "So does Herc hold up the cosmos now?" Jim asked, sad to realize too late that his voice sounded different from sleeping. 

Victor couldn't help but smile at the sound of Jim's voice, his own sounding rather fond as he continued. "Nah, they're all tricksy bastards, you know. Heracles wanted three golden apples, which was basically because he had been sent to do it by another god I can't remember the name of, who he ended up in the service of, one way or another. But it was prophesised that if he took the apples himself, he would die. And so, he asked Atlas to go and get them for him, in return for holding the world for a little while. He had to kill the snake Hera had sent to guard the tree, first, but still-- he took the world, and Atlas got the apples. Bloody weird apples, too. Golden, and representative of all his time: past, present and future." Victor paused a moment, to gather his thoughts. "He brought them back to Heracles, and didn't want to take the world back-- offered to deliver the apples too. But Heracles deceived him, by pretending to agree and then tricking him into taking the world for just a moment while he got a cushion for his shoulders. And so, in the end... Atlas had to take it back, and he did so-- graciously, in my mind, and with the kind of resigned love for it he still had. It was his punishment, and he bears it still."

Jim really did try to stay awake. He'd probably swear to it later, if Victor pressed. Because he did. But around the time Victor was explain what the apples represented, Jim slipped into sleep. Properly, this time, not like the little dips he'd had before. Not that Victor's story wasn't interesting-- he'd probably ask for a repeat of what he'd been asleep for-- but it had been a long day, and the room was dark and Jim was very warm. So, one couldn't really blame him. Hopefully. 

Victor only really noticed once he had finished, but found he didn't really mind all that much, when it was quite so comfortable, and the story wasn't going anywhere. He could tell it again, easily, and right now he'd rather like to sleep too, despite the fact he was pretty sure that there were a few disadvantages to that. Still, he found himself drifting off.

Now, Jim was a light sleeper, as he had to be with the danger he was constantly in, but he'd also trained himself to not wake in response to certain things. And to wake up rapidly to others. So if someone entered his bedroom, Jim would wake up. If someone laying next to him suddenly sat up, he'd wake. If he got nightmares, he'd wake. But if Victor didn't move much or make too much noise, Jim would stay asleep. Relatively nightmare free, as well, because of the comforting presence in his bed.


	8. Just One Night, But No

Victor slept surprisingly well with someone pressed against him (which he now rather remembered was something that tended to happen, but it had been a while) for most of the time, at least. And when he did wake, while it was with a start and his heart was racing, it was nowhere near as bad as it could have been, which was something he tried to remind himself of once he was awake.

Jim blinked awake when Victor woke up, although because it wasn't particularly dramatic or loud he didn't wake quickly, taking a few moments to realize Victor was in some sort of distress. He wasn't sure what it was for, so he wasn't entirely sure how to help. But feeling confined was probably a bad thing. Jim shifted back so he wasn't laying on Victor anymore, but gently carded a hand through his hair to give him a grounding touch. "S'alright, Vic."

"Don't worry," Victor murmured, a knee-jerk reaction that still rather stemmed from the fact it felt silly to get so worked up over things sometimes. All the same, Jim's touch did serve to relax him somewhat, and he concentrated on bringing his breathing back to normal. "It's-- yeah. I'll be fine in a minute, just... mmh." Okay, far from eloquent there. "I feel dreams should dull with their reoccurrences."

"Not worried. Still half asleep." Even if Jim was properly awake, he'd be more concerned than actively worried. Victor was clearly trying to slow his breathing though, and people often subconsciously synced their breathing with others, so Jim made his own breaths purposely deep and drawn out. Could help a bit. "One'd think so. The same thing should get less terrifying over time, in theory."

"Go back to sleep," Victor told him softly, shifting carefully and wincing faintly at the stiffness in his leg. "Theories rarely seem to work so well in practice, though." Probably was a bit counter-productive to the going back to sleep idea if he kept on talking. He probably ought to stop that.

"Nah. I sleep too much anyway." Even with the nightmares. But he often felt too tired to fight to stay awake to avoid them. "Yeah, that I've noticed." He propped himself up, placing a hand on Victor's heart and frowning slightly. Beating too quickly. "Want me here or gone? Or to leave briefly before returning with tea?"

Victor considered that for a moment, before giving him a faint, rather sheepish smile. "Tea would be lovely," he answered, sitting up a bit more properly. "Tea is traditionally helpful, after all." And he could really do with a moment to compose himself.

"Alright. I'll be back in a little over the time it usually takes to make a cup of tea, in case you want to rapidly do something without me around." Jim said, stretching for a moment before he slipped off the bed and left to the kitchen, pausing at the door. "Feel free to pick up a book, if you like." Reading could be helpful to Victor. It was to Jim.

The books had, in fact, factored in Victor's plan to feel better. Just a moment to breathe and sort out the rest, and investigate a couple of books too. He gave Jim a quick nod of confirmation, and a little smile. He swung his legs off the edge of the bed, leaning his elbows against his knees and ducking his head for a minute.

After Victor's nod Jim did leave, assuming Victor wanted a bit of privacy, and put on the kettle in the kitchen, getting out a mug. Then realizing he didn't know what type of tea Victor liked. Jim paused, and ended up getting out some green tea, because he'd always found it calming. He could always make a new cup if Victor didn't like it. Soon Jim returned to his room with the drink, walking over to Victor. "Green tea fine?"

Victor had found the nearest book, mostly because he didn't much fancy getting up properly, and had picked a page half way through to read. He was rather calmer when Jim returned, giving him a quick, grateful smile. "Yeah, good, fine. More interested in the warmness and comfort factor right now, after all, so it's all fine."

"Oh good." Thing for Jim to learn later, though: what types of teas were Victor's favorites. He sat down next to Victor, placing the cup on the bedside table, and glanced at the book. Oh, that was one of the ones he'd read more recently. He didn't even remembering sorting it away. Maybe Victor just picked it up off the floor. "Alright. Anything else you'd like?"

"No, no. I'm okay. Or getting there." He reached over for the tea, putting the book down between them in the meantime and wrapping his fingers around the warm porcelain. "Sorry. That was-- well, not even that bad. Used to be much more dramatic." He gave a faintly amused smile, and added: "Could make nurses come running from the other end of wards with that, you know. Great skill."

"Very impressive indeed." Jim agreed, matching Victor's smile with one of his own. Although Jim's concern did flicker hearing Victor say it wasn't that bad, considering it had still taken him a while to calm down. He was half glad Victor seemed to manage to do it on his own-- though he felt guilty for not helping, Jim wouldn't know how to. Now that Victor seemed better, Jim slipped his arms around Victor's waist and place a kiss on his cheek. "I'm glad you're feeling better, star man."

Victor relaxed into the touch, shifting himself a little closer and turning his head to steal another kiss. "Much. I do believe that falling asleep so close to someone else rather helps with the whole thing, somehow. It always seemed to before, and still does now. That's quite a nice discovery, too."

"Mm, I've found that, too." Jim agreed. Logically, probably to do with a steady heartbeat. (Thinking about it-- Victor's racing is probably what woke Jim up in the first place.) But emotionally it was rather sweet as it was, so Jim didn't mention the realities. "Are you able to go back to sleep after?"

"Most of the time, yeah," he answered, taking a sip of the tea once he deemed it cool enough to not actually hurt. "Sometimes I don't bother, because once I'm awake there are too many other things I should probably be doing. It's possible that I may have a tendency to worry about things overly."

"Yeah, it does see that way." Jim replied, looking amused. "Just a bit, though. And besides, there's very little for you to do at the moment but finish your tea and lie down." They'd each only gotten a few hours of sleep, and Jim'd prefer a bit more. "You may even be able to get almost a healthy amount of sleep. Crazy, hm?"

"What an odd idea," Victor commented with a quick, amused smile. "I've no idea how most people manage it. Don't they have paranoid worrying to be doing instead?" Still, Victor worked on finishing his tea a little more quickly, because sleep really did sound like a pleasant idea.

Jim grinned, glad Victor's good humor seemed to have return in full. "I'm sure some people. Others probably lack to motivation and will to get up in the mornings and sleep for far too long. Those who manage the perfect balance are definitely witches."

Victor nodded his agreement, as if that was perfectly reasonable. "Well, I can understand lacking the motivation for getting up, it can be quite terrible. Especially if it's cold. But managing to sleep precisely the right amount is definitely unnatural, and shouldn't be allowed."

Well, coldness had very little to do with it, but Jim didn't mention that. No real point after all. "I support that. You should try to take over the world, it'd be a more fair place. Plus, I could stop working. Maintain power by persuading you to do things for me with kisses. Sound much nicer than threatening people."

"A world governed by me? I'm not sure it would work out all too well in the end," he answered, a smile on his lips. "I'm not so great as all that. Especially when trying to make important decisions. I'd probably get all worried and try to help everyone and then cause some kind of giant explosion. Either that or I'd have to be utterly ruthless. But your plan sounds good, from your point of view."

"Being useless is fun." Jim replied. Sure, it was a lot of work, but it was safer and explosions were very pretty anyways. "And I am mostly thinking in a selfish way. Basically being a trophy husband to the king of the world sounds absolutely lovely. You should really take advantage of it more." Jim sent Victor a wink.

"God, why aren't I the king of the world yet? It'd be great for all of us. We could have a cool palace or something. And grapes." He considered that for a moment, frowning faintly. "Yeah, that didn't make perfect sense, as far as logical leaps might go. But let's be honest, grapes are a good thing to have when in a palace."

Jim gave a fond smile, sending Victor an amused look. "I followed that one, actually. I'll get better at doing that as time goes on." Victor clearly liked Greece, or at least the myths, and there was the often depiction of Greek people who were rich being fed grapes. Explained the jump. Probably not a conscious train of thought, more of a connection that had been made in Victor's head. "I do like grapes."

"I don't think that trusting people who don't like grapes without a good reason is a good idea," he answered, deadpan. "It's quite the suspicious thing to do, after all, not like grapes. They're just the type of person who would betray you for a packet of biscuits." He went quiet, considering for a moment. "But then again, biscuits."

Jim raised an eyebrow, officially deciding that he should be around Victor more when he was tired. It was... well, cute. "I'm suddenly concerned that you'd betray me for a packet of biscuits. And if not, then probably for a packet of biscuits and some grapes." Jim declared, laying down and waving Victor to follow suit.

"Weeeell." Victor put down his cup to move and lay back down, considering that for a few more moments. "It depends how many biscuits there were, and whether they were really nice ones." He grinned after a moment, shifting to lay on his side. "Maybe."

Jim gave a theatric sigh, adopting an exaggerated pout. "You're so mean. I'm going to have to keep fancy biscuits around, now, to be able to sleep easy. Otherwise I'll be up all night worrying about your imminent betrayal." How awful. "Maybe even a few grapes, just to be sure. Or does the wine count?"

Victor laughed, making a brief attempt at an innocent expression. "That would be an absolutely terribly fate for you to be subjected to, wouldn't it? Having biscuits around to avoid betrayal. You know, these things could almost be considered tasty. But yes, the wine does rather count, I've decided."

"Ah, yes, the allure of sweets." Jim wasn't very partial to them. Unless they included chocolate. In which case he'd most definitely eat it given the chance, even if it was something like raisins covered in chocolate. "Oh good. Having both grapes and fermented grapes seems like overkill."

"Only some of them, mind. A lot of them aren't very nice at all." Okay, he was getting sidetracked again. He had just decided it had been far too long since he had last had any chocolate covered biscuits. Or normal biscuits. Should probably stop thinking about it now. "Too many types of grape, definitely. It'd cause a grape-related spontaneous combustion."

"Only the chocolate ones." Jim added, agreeing and clarifying. At least, in his own mind, he was. To someone else it probably just seemed like he was giving an opinion. "I'm sure that's exactly what would happen, star man. Get under the sheets, you're going to freeze now that you don't have warm tea." Well. Okay, maybe just be mildly chilly.

"Well, they are the best ones. And we'd only want to keep the best ones around, after all." It seemed like a good idea to him, anyway. Especially chocolate ones. He gave a dramatic sigh and slipped back under the covers carefully. "Much better, definitely won't freeze to death now. Thank god."

Jim hummed in consideration, feigning concern. "I'm not so sure. You could still get cold." He mused, then set his jaw and attempted to look generally dramatic. "Don't worry, star man, I can save you." Jim quickly ducked under the covers as well, curling up around Victor. "There. _Now_ you won't freeze to death."

Victor chuckled, putting an arm around Jim to draw him carefully close, and positioning his leg more carefully as to not be uncomfortable for either of them. "Oh, incredible Jim Moriarty, you have saved my life! I don't know how I survived before your warm embrace kept me from the freezing wastes of the world."

Jim grinned, but pushed it down so he could play along. "Hush, it's alright now, agent Trevor. I have rescued you from such horrors. There's no need to fear, I'll stay here to warm you as long as you need." He paused, and then his grin returned, accompanied by a light giggle. " _Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the Jim is so delightful, and since you've no place to go..._ "

Victor stifled a laugh, which took quite a lot of effort, and he pressed his face into the crook of Jim's neck for a few moments. "Christ," he murmured, "That's an amazing song. Is there more to it, or does that bit just go over and over again?"

"Just that bit, over and over again." Jim deciding, pressing his lips together to quell an even larger smile. "Forever. It's a brainwashing technique, so that everyone knows I'm delightful." Helpful for world-taking-over schemes. 

Victor gave a serious nod. "Now that does sound like a good idea. People will be in no doubt about your utter sunny delightfulness after a few hours of that, over and over again."

"Exactly." Jim smiled for a moment, then titled his head in though. "Although..." He mused, biting his lip. "They might also go a little bit insane. Just a bit! So it's not that bad. But I'm not sure I want to drive the entire world mad. Just a select few, maybe."

"Just a tiny tiny bit mad," he agreed. "But probably either obsessed with you or terrified of you! I'm not actually sure which one would be worse, though." He gave a brief, amused smile. "Enemies, or just people who seem like they deserve it?"

"Maybe I should play it when you come over. See if you end up obsessed with me. Well-- more so then you already are. Is that possible?" Jim grinned, placing an appreciative kiss on Victor's throat. Had to do something to make things worth putting up with Jim. "Hm. Enemies. If I drove everyone who deserved it crazy, most of the world would be mad."

"Might be possible," Victor answered with a faint smile. "You're making it quite difficult not to be obsessed with you, what with all the interestingness and the questions and the inviting me into your bed." Okay, maybe he had something to do with that last bit. "Do you have a lot of enemies? I imagine a lot of people think of you as theirs, but it doesn't have to be reciprocal."

"Well, admittedly, I don't often invite people into my bed with the intention of actually sleeping, so this is a bit of an exception." Victor was a bit of an exception. A large bit of an exception. "Nah, I don't have any mutual enemies. Used to have one, but not anymore." And maybe Jim's tone was a bit too melancholy to be talking about losing an enemy, but... Sherlock was a very special type of enemy.

"No? Well, I'll count myself very lucky to be here and be able to sleep, then. Though I'm sure the other option is very pleasant too." Ah, and he thought he might just know who Jim was referring to, now-- if the connection between those two was indeed as profound as he had thought at the time. "Someone particularly well matched, I suppose?"

Jim let out a short laugh. "You were the one who said no to that in the first place, remember? Don't get all flirty on me now, star man. I won't know how to react." He kept a smile until Victor brought up Sherlock again, and then it slipped a bit. "Yeah, he-- he was a brilliant. In a very different way from me, but brilliant nonetheless."

Victor gave him another of those innocent looks. "I wasn't doing anything of the sort, I'm sure. I'd never do anything like that. Ever. It's the rules." He sobered too, though, at the description-- it was only too close to his heart, really. "I'm... we never want these things to end, do we? Even if they have to."

"No, not really." Jim had acted like all he wanted to do was win-- he had rather been hoping to lose. Or have the game carry on forever. What ended up actually happening had been the last thing Jim wanted. Living without Sherlock. 

He shifted to wrap his arms more securely around Jim, pulling him gently closer and pressing a kiss to his skin. "The only things that can go on forever are mythical punishments. The good ones never last for that long; they're too human."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone is sad. its the ongoing theme


	9. The Morning After

"Yeah." Jim smiled, softly and maybe it was touched with a bit of melancholy, but it counted. "All good things just come to an end." He murmured, then turned to Victor with an actual smile. "So I'd better enjoy you while you're still around, him?" Jim kissed Victor chastely, hoping to lighten the mood, at least a bit.

"That would be rather a good idea," Victor answered with a faint smile, though it was perhaps a touch half-hearted. It would pass, though, this feeling--- it always did, given time and distraction. "Who knows when I might accidentally get lost and not be able to find my way back?"

Alright, that was, in fact, a bit better. More emphasis on the 'bit' that Jim was hoping for, though. Still, Jim placed his hands on Victor's shirt and kissed his neck softly, giving a deep sigh. Tired. But that wasn't important right now. "Exactly. Remind me to teach you more about the stars sometime-- you can't get lost if you know enough about their positions."

Victor relaxed somewhat more, letting himself get lost in the idea of that for a moment. "Really?" he said eventually, studying Jim's expression somewhat more intently. "Now, that'd be useful. And if in doubt, I can lay on the floor and spend the time I need studying them to find my way back. So long as I don't get distracted by the stories."

Jim smiled, glancing up at Victor and blushing faintly when he realized Victor had been looking at him. "I'll make you a deal. For every study session you don't get distracted by a story, you can tell me a story." Win-win, then. Hopefully Victor would pretend to forget Jim's interest in Victor telling stories. "Sound fair?"

Victor half-suppressed a smile, pretending to consider for a moment before he nodded. "That does sound like a fair deal." And they both got something good out of it, so it was really one of the very best deals. "Besides, I enjoy learning new things. Knowing things, too, just in general. It's a good feeling."

"It is, isn't it?" There was a very specific sort of happiness that came with realizing you finally had something memorized, or had it down as several accurate facts. "Maybe you'll also learn that you really should kiss me more often than you currently do. Kissing burns calories, you know, and you did say you dislike exercising. It's an alternative." 

"You're just incredibly logical," Victor informed him, amusement colouring his tone. "See, you definitely know what's a good idea. Say no to exercise, and yes to kissing." And so, he caught Jim in another kiss, as if to highlight the point.

Jim grinned, sliding hand up Victor's neck before threading it through his hair, of course kissing back. He'd been the one to suggest it, after all, and even if he hadn't been Jim was hardly going to not kiss _Victor_. Unless they were in public. Or anyone else was around. But that was reality, and Victor and reality didn't mix in Jim's head.

Victor let himself get lost in the sensation, tender and enjoyable and god, he could do this for as long as he was allowed, he was quite sure. He did have to move eventually, away, but there was a smile on his lips and a blush marking his skin, and it could barely have been better.

When Victor pulled back, Jim simply moved his lips to Victor's throat, keeping the kisses soft, but he too relaxed back after a little while with a content sigh. And maybe, maybe, he nuzzled into Victor's chest, but if he did it would have only been for the purpose of warmth. "Told you logic was nice sometimes."

He let a hand slide along the skin at the nape of Jim's neck, close and wrapped as much around him as the position would allow. (And he really couldn't stop smiling, which was ridiculous, and terribly silly.) "Definitely nice," he answered. "It's far from made me feel like going back to sleep, though."

Hm. Okay, minor downside. Jim either wanted to sleep or go back to kissing, talking was draining and Jim's day had drained him enough already, plus he hadn't gotten much sleep before Victor woke up. But it could be worse. (And Jim might as well have been purring at the hand on his neck.) "What has it made you feel like doing, then?"

"Refusing to move from here for an extremely long time," he answered, a soft laugh escaping him. "But that wouldn't end well, because then I'd not be able to walk away from it. But there have been worse things." And kiss him again, too. That worked. It was one of the things that ought to happen when he didn't move from here.

"Mm, I usually try not to leave my bed for a long time anyway." Jim mused. "I shudder to think how hard it's going to be to get out of bed for work when you're in it. Significantly harder." He gave a deep sigh. "You're going to be the end of me, star man." Jim declared, then stole a kiss.

Another smile, Victor's fingers tracing along his skin, and he kissed Jim back deeply. "I'm such a terrible influence," he answered in a murmur. "Absolutely awful. But I hope you can think of worse ways to end."

"Then death by you?" Jim put on a concentrated expression, pretending to think deeply. "I. Hm." Okay, maybe he was being a bit mean, but in a teasing way. "Nope. I can't think of any better ways to go." He adapted a surprised look next. "Wait, did you say worse? Goodness, I do apologize, star man."

Victor poked him in the side as revenge, though he was having to suppress his grin. "Bastard." And he kissed him once more anyway, because that totally also counted as a type of revenge. Even if it wasn't a very good one. "Of all the incredible ways to go, you should be very happy to experience this one, possibly, at some point."

Jim giggled, pressing into the kiss until Victor broke it. "Maybe I could suffocate from kissing you for too long." If Jim had a cold or something, and couldn't breathe through his nose. That sounded fun. Or maybe Victor could kill Jim while kissing him, if he became good again. Also a nice thought. 

"Maybe I'd accidentally fall asleep on top of you and you'd die," he suggested. "Or there could be a terrible 'getting tangled in the covers' incident. There are so many ways to die in a bed, and most people don't even bother to think of them all." For some reason. Maybe they didn't have enough reasons.

Oh. Those didn't sound quite up to Jim's hopes of death. Jim had hoped he'd go out in a suitably dramatic way that could be easily romanticized. An accident involving covers didn't really fit that criteria. "Hm. Yeah, admittedly, I'm not sure those are the types of ways I'd like to die. A bit... common."

"They do seem a bit towards that, for you." Victor considered for a few moments, trying to think of some more suitably flashy ways to go. "I'm not sure beds are actually known for their drama. We could always be poisoned in the throes of passion or something, though."

"That sounds terribly Romeo and Juliet-y." Jim replied, tilting his head. "I'm not entirely sure I like the idea of you dying when I do. Maybe you could poison me instead of someone poisoning both of us?" Unless it was a slow working poison. That would be awkward, considering the 'throes of passion' part.

Victor gave the idea due consideration, then shrugged faintly. "I can't say that I entirely like the idea of having to poison you, right now. I'd much rather wait until someone else does it, really." Or not at all. He wasn't totally keen on the idea at all, all of a sudden. "Maybe there are better ways."

"Aw." That was sweet. Maybe a very odd kind of sweet most people probably found was more sane than anything else, but definitely sweet to Jim. He rewarded Victor for being sweet with a lazy kiss. "In all honestly I'll probably end up killing me." Jim shrugged. "Not the nicest way to go, though."

"Mmh." That idea didn't sit well with Victor, really, especially after the entire horrible experience with Sherlock. "Maybe we can arrange something accidental yet spectacular. Or not arrange, really. You get the idea." There would just have to be a coming together of circumstances, wouldn't there? It was a strange thing to be considering at all.

That sounded like work. Jim wasn't a fan. "I think I'll just stick to hoping its something suitably dramatic without putting any real effort into dying in a suitably dramatic way." He decided. Jim snuggled closer, making a content sound. "In any case this discussion is clearly upsetting you, so maybe we should move onto something else."

"I thought I was being reasonably subtle," Victor complained, but he was a little relieved that Jim was apparently fine with moving onto a different subject. "Apparently I let my guard down at some point."

"You were." Jim assured, moving a hand into Victor's hair so he could absentmindedly toy with it. "I'm just rather good with other people's emotions." He probably should have noticed sooner, actually. But Jim hadn't really been looking for emotions, just talking. "It does seem so. That's rather dangerous, you know."

Victor closed his eyes for a moment, and let out a soft sigh. "I know it is. I'm quite worried about it, really. It'd be entirely unreasonable not to be, I'm pretty sure." Especially when everything was considered.

"Being worried is reasonable." Jim agreed. "Honestly though, I'd be more worried about the fact that I've seemed to do the same. Which makes you a target for everyone who hates me, if they find out." He frowned. "Hm. See, that is why I try to not care, in general. Now you're more at risk."

"Ah, well." He wasn't exactly a stranger to being at risk because of people, and he wasn't one to shy away from something like that when it came with such good parts. "I can manage. I'll be sure to make sure you've already had a dramatic end before I let anything like that happen."

Jim laughed lightly. "Oh good. I'd hate to be alive to see you get hurt." He replied, placing a kiss on Victor's cheek. "Are feeling tired again yet, by the way? I know that romantic snogging session a while back woke you up, which I feel horribly guilty for of course and it wasn't at all worth it, but has that worn off?"

Victor pretended to consider that for a moment, making a soft noise of indecision. "I think I could maybe manage to sleep a little more now. Just possibly. But after that, I really will have to take off before it all goes terribly wrong."

"Are you expecting things to go terribly wrong?" And if he was-- things to go wrong in relation to Jim and Victor? Because so far Jim had thought things had been going very nicely, minus that bit with the discussion of how Jim would like to die.

"I always expect things to go terribly wrong," he answered, flashing a quick grin. "Usually in a kind of paranoid way. But this time, I have a legitimate reason, aka the fact it gets very difficult to go home when my leg starts to lose charge. I had to start early, you know, for that last job. It's quite the terrible inconvenience."

Oh. Right. Of course. Jim rested his head on Victor's chest to hide a faint blush. He'd just assumed... oh, never mind. "I'd almost forgotten." Jim admitted, and maybe his next sigh was one that sounded a bit relieved, but not dramatically so it was possible Victor wouldn't notice. 

Victor gave a low laugh, the sound vibrating through his chest. "Yeah, well. People find it surprisingly easy to do that. I have worked on making it nearly undetectable for years, after all. Imagining some kind of more terrible disaster?"

Jim smiled softly when he felt Victor's laugh-- it felt oddly intimate, that Jim was close enough to actually feel Victor's mirth in the literal sense. "Maybe. The thought might have crossed my mind that you suddenly realized you hated me, or something along those lines."

Victor considered that for a moment, before shaking his head. His voice was soft when he next spoke, his fingers tracing faint patterns into his skin. "That would be quite the thing to realise all of a sudden. I definitely don't hate you. In fact, I'm still rather fond."

"Oh good." And it might have been nice that Victor seemed to put care into being more sweet; although it wasn't strictly necessary, it was very much so appreciated. "It's wasn't because you acting mean if you worried about that. And I'm still fond of you as well."

"I hadn't actually gotten around to worrying about that, so thank you for heading it off before I even had to do the worrying bit." He leant to press a kiss to his skin gently. "That, I am glad to hear. I think were were saying something about sleep, though."

"I'm nothing if not a forward-thinker. Except when it comes to same sex marriage. Goes against tradition and should definitely be banned." Jim agreed, smiling and the kiss and finally relaxing back down again. "Ah, yes, I'm exhausted and you need more sleep. So no more consciousness for you until tomorrow."

"Are you confiscating my consciousness?" Victor asked, sounding perhaps a little incredulous. "I can't believe you'd do such a thing." He grinned, and closed his eyes. "Okay, is that better?"

"I'm a terrible, evil person, remember?" Jim placed a soft kiss on Victor's jaw. "Besides, it's for your own good. And my own good, because I'm sleepy." Definitely not selfish at all. Jim smiled softly and shut his eyes as well, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "Much better. Goodnight, star man. See you tomorrow."

"That was positively soppy," Victor murmured softly, a smile in his tone as his fingers finally stilled against the man's skin. "Hush." Because otherwise he was pretty sure he'd find something interesting to talk about and be up for another hour.

Jim was going to say something to defend his soppiness, but Victor had a point with his 'hush', so instead Jim just gave a soft hum of confirmation. Victor'd be there in the morning, probably, so Jim let himself fall back asleep.

Even if Victor hadn't been feeling that tired really, he fell asleep quickly with Jim against him. It was far easier than he could entirely justify, but he didn't mind all that much.

Jim wouldn't wake until his alarm went off or unless Victor moved a lot. More so because of being awake halfway through the night. Thankfully no dreams plagued his sleep, so Jim stayed quiet and still.

Victor slept better this time, and well. There was some kind of strange rambling dream at some point, but it was more odd than anything else, and he couldn't complain about that.

Jim did wake up when his alarm went off, but it was something he was used to waking up to. He reached over and shut it off, then curled up against Victor more. "Tell me that didn't wake you up." He murmured. That would mean moving.

Victor hadn't actually opened his eyes, but had made a rather displeased face at the noise. He had never got along all that well with alarms, but then again, he didn't think that anyone really had. Ever. "I'm definitely still asleep," he answered. "Not awake. Not even a bit."

Jim gave a theatric sigh of relief. "Oh good." He draped an arm over Victor's waist, because now, clearly, Victor wouldn't be leaving until he did wake up. "How long until your leg will be getting low on battery and you really will have to go?"

Victor gave a low hum, and a faint shrug. Maybe maths at this time in the morning wasn't his strong point. "Dunno. I get about forty hours, and it's been at least thirty-six. S'all been a bit non stop, until here."

So to be safe they should assume thirty-eight, and Victors flat was about half an hour away if he was using the one Jim gave him. So he'd have to leave... in an hour, ish. Could be shorter. "I'll make breakfast if you make tea?"

"Now that is a good trade-off," Victor agreed, finally opening his eyes and giving Jim a quick smile. "You may have to tell me how you take it, of course. I could guess, but it might be wrong."

"Milk, no sugar. Although I'm sure that's what you would have guessed." Jim teased, placing a final kiss to Victor's neck before standing up and making his way to the kitchen, starting to get things set up for pancakes, specially made from a store-bought mix.

"Totally would have," he lied with a grin, following after Jim a little more slowly. Okay, so maybe he wasn't entirely comfortable right now and would probably leave off the whole walking thing once he got home, but for now it was fine. "I'll look the other way so it can be a surprise."

Jim laughed lightly, putting a pan on the stove and waiting for it to heat. "The amazing surprise of what's for breakfast. Does this mean you're not going to put your arms around me while I'm at the stove? How disappointing." It would have been so perfectly cliché.

"Wellll..." Victor pretended to consider for a moment, sending Jim a sidelong glance. "I could always come and do it and just very carefully not look at what you're making."

"Hm." Victor would have to close his eyes, or not look at the stove for that. "Sounds dangerous. You could burn yourself if you pointedly don't look at the stove." Maybe. Then again, Victor was a very skilled agent.

"I'm more brilliant than you realise," Victor told him, moving a little closer and slipping his arms around his waist, and not looking at the food. "See? Absolutely incredible."

Jim hid a smile, leaning back against Victor while he poured the mix into the pan, actually starting on the making pancakes idea. "You endlessly fill me with awe, star man. Or warmth. I can never tell the difference."

"It's very easy to get confused between warmth and awe," he agreed, leaning against Jim perhaps a touch more heavily than he ought to have. "I mean, one's a sensation and the other an emotion, but still."

"Warmth is most definitely a type of emotion, Vic." Jim turned his head to steal a chaste kiss before returning his gaze to the pan and flipping it. "Tends to hang around with happiness and contentment. Why do you think I keep calling you warm?"

"I think it's a sensation that goes with the emotions," Victor mused, tightening his grip momentarily in response to the kiss. "Definitely related, but not quite the same. It's like... The bodily expression of those rather wonderful emotions."

Hm. Okay, that was probably a more succinct way of explaining it. "Alright, your description is accepted." And Jim did feel warm, with Victor around him. He slid a pancake onto a pate, starting to make another one. "Why did I decide we should get out of bed, again?"

"Because otherwise you'd have to carry me home, which is decidedly more effort than merely getting out of bed and making a mystery breakfast," Victor informed him, and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. "So really, it's quite the sensible idea you had there."

Jim tilted his head to the side, making another soft sound of approval. "You keep being very smart and flattering. It's very taxing on my dignified exterior." He berated, having to not relax too much or he'd mess up the pancakes.

"I don't think you'd rather that I stopped, hm?" He stepped away eventually, going to finish making the tea. "No need for me to stop being wonderfully flattering and brilliant unless it's really necessary, after all."

Ooh. Mean. Jim slid the newly done pancake onto a different plate, turning the heat down and carrying the plates over to the table before sitting down. "Well, I can't be distinguished all the time. Time for the surprised to be revealed."

Victor brought the tea over when he went to sit down, placing them down very carefully to avoid spilling any. "You have managed to make the absolute best breakfast. It's the rules. Pancakes are the best."

"Oh?" Jim reached over and took the cup of tea that was closer to him, wrapping his hands around it. "Goodness, and I thought I was the smart one. Any other rules I should know that'll give me a chance at stealing your heart?"

"Coffee is always welcome," he answered, sitting down properly and giving him a quick grin. "Aaaaand... helping me find things that I accidentally lose with horrible frequency."

"Didn't peg you as someone with a bad memory." In fact, so far, Victor had seemed to have an above average memory. "But if you forget anything in my house I'll probably return it to you."

"Ah, you see-- it rather depends what kind of thing it is. I can remember poetry and myths no problem, but I lose my keys practically every other day." He shrugged faintly. "I have to put quite a lot of effort into remembering things when I'm working."

Jim gave a contemplative hum. "I could text you orders in poetry. Or try. Would that make life easier?" He somehow doubted he could turn a few instructions into a myth. But a poem could probably be doable.

"Well, I wouldn't say easier, as such." His expression rather gave away that he would like the idea, though. "It'd be more entertaining for me, though. And possibly for you." It'd also probably make him grin like an idiot.

"Double entertainment? How could a girl resist something as alluring as that?" Jim his his smile by taking a sip of tea, might not work completely. "It's going to be shite poetry, you must realize."

Victor gave a brief laugh, glancing up at Jim for a moment. "I like shite poetry practically as much. It's pretty wonderful when people make effort to actually write something for you. That's always amazing."

Oh. Well Jim had already written poetry about Victor. Involuntarily, but he wrote down everything in journals, so it was there. And Victor had written poetry for Jim, verbally. Jim fought down a blush. "Very true. Especially when you can inspire some, hm?"

"Even better. It's quite exciting to be counted as a muse by someone." He couldn't help but grin at Jim's expression, though; he was pretty sure it would be a terrible mistake to call him precious, but he rather was. "It's a nice combination we have here."

Oh god. Grin meant Jim was being rather more obvious than he'd hoped. "I remember inspiring you to come up with some poetry for me. That was fun." There. Revenge. "Combination? Are you taking about poetry or tea?"

Victor looked a little bashful for a moment, dropping his gaze to his tea. "I may have been somewhat inspired by you, if it comes to that." More than a little. "Ah, both. A wonderful breakfast and wonderful inspiration to go with the poetry."

"Somewhat?" Jim's turn to grin now. But there was only so much teasing he was in the mood to do, so he didn't press any more than that. "Mm, true. And a wonderful man sitting across the table from me. So much wonder. Pity his fancy leg needs charging so early."

"Definitely the main problem with fancy legs," he answered, raising his eyebrows and trying his best to look even slightly serious. It didn't really work very well. "The bit where it takes me away from men who make pancakes for me."

"Anything that takes you away from men who are willing to cook pancakes for you poses a problem, I'm fairly certain." Jim added. "Although I am curious who these other men are. Cheating on me already, star man?" He added a small smile to show he was teasing.

Victor gave him a quick, practically wicked grin. "Oh, not yet, but you never know. I could be very easily tempted by somewhere on the ground floor with pancakes and coffee."

Jim held a hand over his heart, sending Victor a hurt and surprised look. "Agent Trevor." He said, looking over-dramatically aghast. "My ego is very fragile. You're going to bruise it. And my coffee is much better than some random bloke's."

Victor gave him a deeply sorrowful look, before pushing himself a little way up so he could lean over and press a kiss to Jim's cheek. "There. I feel that proves the incredible depth of my devotion to you. I'd never leave this for inferior pancakes. Or coffee."

Jim grinned, pushing it down to give a nod. "Good." He said, and then the small grin returned and Jim took another sip of his tea before picking up a fork to start on his pancake.

Victor half finished his own tea before starting, with a great measure of keenness. Hours doing jobs and not much time to sit around with food rather took their toll, and he was hungry as all hell by then.

Jim raised an eyebrow, taking another small bite and settling down his fork to have a sip of his tea, watching Victor with amusement. "I get the feeling I should start making more pancakes."

"Yes," Victor agreed, and did actually bother to stop eating them to answer. It was practically a miracle. "I may have not had very much to eat recently, because of y'know, time pressures, and these are really good."

Jim blushed lightly, standing up to go pour more batter on the pan. He didn't think anything he cooked was that good. Probably had something to do with most things already being pre measured and mixed, all he'd added was milk and eggs.

Victor finished his pancake and leant his head on his hands, a bright grin colouring his expression. "I used to make pancakes far more than I do now. Now I have to do proper things usually."

"Is making pancakes not proper?" How disappointing. Jim had done something that wasn't proper. He never did anything if it wasn't proper. Oh wait. "Back to being dangerously close to breaking my heart, star man."

"While it is one of the most wonderful foods in the entire world," Victor answered, "I'm not sure it can be counted as entirely nutritional. Unless you have a savoury one. But still entirely brilliant."

Jim tilted his head in mock consideration. "Hm. Alright. That's acceptable." He decided, walking over and sliding another pancake onto Victor's plate before putting the pan back on the stove and sitting across from him. 

"Thank you," Victor told him, really very sincerely, starting on the second one. He'd feel sick in about ten minutes, probably, but he honestly didn't care. "I don't think anyone has made me food in _ages_."

Oh, Jim shouldn't have sat down. Now he wanted to kiss Victor, and he was too far away. "You're welcome, star man. And I'm glad I could help fix your lack of being pampered. I'd offer you a massage afterward but I'm not sure we have that long."

"I'm not sure we do," he agreed. "But we could definitely manage to put it on my mental list of 'things that ought to happen in the future at some point', which I might forget, but also I might not forget. So that's a good idea, if you ask me."

Jim couldn't help a fond look, so ended up casting his eyes down to his tea and taking a sip after a moment. "Eventually. Next time, perhaps." He paused, tilting his head in consideration and moving his gaze back to Victor. "You do have more than one charger for your leg, right? In a different location?" 

Victor nodded, finishing a bit more of his pancake before he actually answered. "I do. Not entirely deliberately, but still. I think there's still one at my sister's house, because remembering to take things places when I'm in a hurry isn't always my forte."

Hm. If someone came after Victor, they'd probably be smart enough to watch his sister's house as well. "You should probably keep a charger somewhere else. In case of emergencies." Like Jim's house. No. Not like Jim's house, too much.

"Emergencies, huh?" Victor raised an eyebrow at him, although he was only half sure what the other man had been thinking of. Oh well. An inkling was better than nothing. "I don't know many places which would be safe, see. Not for something important than that."

"Right. But if someone gets ticked off and decides they want to hurt you, being able to charge your leg without having to go home and possibly get kidnapped is probably a good plan." Jim really shouldn't suggest his place. Although it was safe. "Just in case."

"A very good plan indeed," he agreed, giving the other man a kind of crafty little smile. "But you see, where is just the problem. I mean, I don't know many people I can trust now, apart from maybe you. That's the thing about switching sides."

Jim hesitated. "Well. In theory, then, you could..." Hm. This was about to go wrong, Jim was relatively sure. "My place is safe. And it could count as insurance for me, too, if your other charger was here." There, that sounded reasonable. 

Ah, and there it was. At least he had been right; it would have been really horribly embarrassing if Jim hadn't been considering that option in a kind of low key way. He had feared he was being presumptuous. "And it would mean that should something like this morning happened again, I wouldn't have to rush off."

"Right." All very practical. And Victor not having to rush off sounded nice-- they'd probably still be lazing in bed if there was a charger here. Which would be nice. Jim flashed Victor a smile, finishing off his tea. "That sounds nice, admittedly, you getting to stay longer."

"Although I'm afraid it would also lead to you having to keep a wheelchair here," Victor pointed out. Small price to pay, though. "Although watching me hopping to get places is very amusing, it's surprisingly tiring. I pity children in hopping races on sports day's."

"Somehow I think I'll manage. Although, perhaps not when you're in it, because I imagine bending over to kiss you could be uncomfortable." Terrible predicament. But doubtfully one that would last long. "Mm, I think we've come back round to the exercise discussion. Large amounts being annoying and all."

"I believe that when leaning down, one should bend at the knees. Although that might just be if you're picking things up, which sounds like a bad idea. Picking things up definitely sounds like exercise." He finished off his pancake, before giving the other man another really rather pleased smile. "That was probably the absolute best breakfast I've had in ages."

Jim just looked gradually more amused while Victor talked. "Admittedly, I wasn't planning on picking you up. Just kissing you. Which I'm relative certain are two very different things." They could be combined, of course, but perhaps not when someone was sitting in a wheelchair. Could end badly. "Thank you. I'll try to remember to make more sugary fluff for you in the future, then."

"I realised that, but kind of, half way through the statement. Because sometimes I talk before I've actually thought about what I'm saying." He gave a vague gesture with one hand, and a shrug. "You can always sit on top of me. That's practically the opposite of exercise, and works surprisingly well. At least, I was surprised. And sugary fluff is constantly appreciated, I assure you."

"I have noticed that." Jim replied. "I rather like it, though." He added, standing up and putting his plate and cup away-- didn't know if Victor was done, after all. "Hm. Alright, that sounds doable. Wheelchair and charger here, then." Okay. That was cleared up, then. "Not too much though. Then it'd lose meaning. So maybe not every time you come over."

"I'm glad you do. Not everyone does." It had kind of ruined a few dates before, to be certain. It wasn't always an asset so much as a hindrance he would really rather avoid. "Mmh, good plan. Just occasional sugary fluff that I shall vaguely look forward to while not knowing precisely when it shall be."

"Well, not everyone is as amazing as I am." Jim pointed out, a teasing smile on his face. Because, clearly, he was very amazing. The best thing to happen to the world. "Exactly. You'll be excited to come over each time in case of sweets, and I can pretend it's because you just like me that much. Everyone'll be happy."

"Not that it could ever be that I really am that excited to see you," Victor answered, shaking his head. "Definitely ridiculous. Never would happen." Okay, so maybe he wasn't entirely lying about it seeming ridiculous, and it maybe had already happened, but that definitely wasn't the point.

People didn't really get excited to see Jim. For good reasons, of course. But it did mean that Jim was still half convinced Victor only came here because he'd been told to. Or, well, been offered and didn't want to offend Moriarty. So Jim only hummed in acknowledgement, leaning back against the counter. "Would you like more of anything?"

"I think I would probably be sick if I had anything more of anything," Victor answered, perhaps a touch too honestly. He finally moved to stand, at least a little uncomfortable again. "I should... probably get going. Unfortunately."

Ah, right. It'd been almost an hour, and probably not best to leave this sort of thing to chance. "Alright." Jim walked over and rather hesitantly brushed his lips over Victor's. Awkward time to be self conscious, perhaps, just as Victor was leaving, but oh well.

Victor closed the distance between then, slipping an arm around his waist ever so gently and pulling him into a proper kiss. "I'm sure you'll find a reason to text me ever so soon, anyway. Or vice versa."

Okay, so no reason to be worried after all, then. Jim placed a hand on Victor's shoulder, getting up on his tip toes to kiss back properly, then sliding back to his heels when the kiss was broken. "True. I'll make up a reasonable sounding excuse."

"Oh, do. I'd be quite interested to hear what that turns out to be." He gave a brief, bright grin, before stepping back. "Now, it's entirely possible that I may accidentally forget something here, but you can tell me about that later. Probably. I'll find most things."

"Well, that sounds like a perfect excuse for you to come back." That and the decision to get a charger for Victor's leg here. Both sounded like good reasons to get Victor to come over sometime soon. 

"We've just got it covered with the planning." He started to collect up the things which he did know the locations of and belonged to him, in a kind of vague, distracted way.

Jim finished cleaning up when Victor went to collect his things, starting the dishwasher and going to the living room, waiting on the couch until Victor appeared. Had to go through the living room to get to the front door. 

Victor had managed to find most things, he was pretty sure, and headed back towards where he was pretty sure Jim was. He paused, giving him an almost accidental fond smile. "Well. Are you going to show me out, like a gentleman?"

"I just spent a night in bed with a gorgeous man and didn't have sex with him. Pretty sure I've filled my gentlemanly quota for a while." Jim teased, but stood up and offered his hand. "I suppose you might get lost without my guidance, though."

Victor laughed, taking his hand and looking very deliberately in the opposite direction to the door. "I would absolutely get lost. I mean-- doors? Absolute mystery for me. I've no idea what the point of door-handles even is."

Jim giggled softly, cupping Victor's jaw with his free hand and turning so he could steal a kiss. "Something to do with opening them, I think. I'll help you out." He murmured, leading Victor to the door with amusement and dropping his hand before opening the door. "Text me if you forgot something?"

"Ew, weird." Victor stepped half way out of the door, before turning back to steal one last kiss from the other man. And also hold off just one more moment before he had a small crisis over how strange everything was. "I will. I'll sort out the charger, too, in a helpful way."

Oh, that was dangerous. The chance that anyone was watching was low, but now that the door was open Jim could no longer be sure. Someone could be. And they could see the kiss and kill Victor. It wasn't even really that unlikely. Jim kissed broke off the kiss after kissing back just long enough so that Victor wouldn't worry. "Very kind of you, Mr. Trevor."

"I could quote Othello about the reasons for my doing that," he informed him, but didn't elaborate. Instead, he finally turned to go, because he really did need to be getting home.

Jim wouldn't mind listening to Victor quote Shakespeare, admittedly. But he didn't reply because Victor was leaving-- only watched him for a moment before closing the door, immediately sliding down it and wondering what in the world he was doing.


	10. I Thought You Might [Text]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That texting chapter every rp fic has at least one of.

Victor found that while he was heading home, he had all too much time to think about what he was doing. It all seemed so obvious while he was there, but now... god. How on Earth had this happened? In the end, he only stopped back at home and switched to using a wheelchair despite his general annoyance with them, and went out again to visit a certain grave.

Getting attached really never worked out, especially for Jim. He put anyone he got attached to in danger. And while he didn't want to have to act paranoid all the time, things like that small kiss in the door could lead to someone dying. After a long time, Jim wasn't entirely sure how long because he hadn't been paying attention, Jim stood up and went to go sit on the bed instead.

Victor stayed there for what was perhaps rather longer than reasonable; he lost track of time somewhere along the line and got tangled up in his thoughts. He was worried by his own motivations, worried that it wasn't fair, just worried-- it didn't help a thing, but now it was on his mind he lost the surety he had been so glad of.

This was possibly the second stupidest thing Jim had done in his life, only next to making Sherlock kill himself. How much total interaction time did he have with Victor? A few days? And part of that spent making sure he wasn't trying to kill Jim. This was ridiculous. Jim laid down staring at the ceiling. This was stupid, and yet the urge to text Victor arose.

And why _was_ he doing this, after all? He should be interested in bringing the man down, but there was poetry and stars and it had become far too precious in far too little time. Maybe it had something to do with the fact Jim was all too similar to Sherlock, but-- that didn't feel true. He knew he wouldn't back out now, though; it would only make things worse if he did.

No, it had only been a few hours-- Jim had lead a fine, empty life until Victor came along. He could stand doing that again. Maybe not forever but certainly for more than a few hours. When Jim had decided to pick Victor up as a new vice he wasn't expecting him to be the addictive sort. But he was, because of the poetry and laugher and. Jim rolled onto his side, taking out his phone and pointedly placing it down on the bedside table.

Victor waited until he was finally home again to text Jim, mostly because he really did find that he had managed to leave something behind. And not even deliberately. 

I believe I actually managed to leave a scarf with you. VT  
That's what I get for trying not to freeze to death. VT

Jim startled when his phone went off, probably looking over to it too quickly to be reasonable, relieved and annoyed at his relief when he saw it was Victor. Still, he texted back.

Well, I'm afraid scarves may be necessary until teleportation is invented. x  
So you'll need to come fetch it sometime? x

Victor was perhaps still a little more hesitant, and everything took longer when he was trying to sort out his flat while his leg was charging, but maybe he also put the texting before tidying. It was practically a miracle. 

That would be a good plan, I think. VT  
I don't have many. I lose them maybe a little too much. VT

Good plan. Or an awful plan, but at least it was a plan that calmed Jim's nerves a bit. And wasn't that pathetic, that just the thought of seeing Victor calmed Jim down.

I could get you another. x  
There are some very nice scarves out there. x

Which is why I only buy really cheap ones. VT  
Otherwise I wouldn't have the money to buy interesting things I see in windows. VT

I didn't peg you to be the type to impulsively buy. x  
Thought I'd have to shower you in presents for you to have nice things. x

Sometimes I get in terribly impulsive moods. VT  
Otherwise I'm very careful with money. I have to be, or I couldn't fuel the impulsive moods. VT

That sounds completely logical of you. x  
I'm sure I'll still find some way to spoil you. x

Oh, I'm sure you will. I'll have to ask things like 'are you sure' and 'really' a lot, though. VT  
It's compulsory. VT

Completely allowable. x  
As long as you don't mind lots of 'hush's and 'yes's. x

I think I can probably cope when the result is so good. VT  
Also, I've decided to blame the fact that I had no scarf for me freezing earlier. VT

I'm sure that it was definitely the scarf's fault. Tricky things they are. x  
It probably feels guilty, if that's any consolation. x

It ought to! VT  
It's entire purpose is stopping me getting cold, and it didn't. VT  
To be fair, it's very hard to keep warm when you're in no position to do normal warming-up things. VT

I'm fairly certain part of its point is to look stylish as well, but I don't think it could do that particularly well when not around your neck. x  
But at least it's providing a helpful excuse. x

Oh yeah, style. VT  
Totally my reasoning. It flows dramatically in the wind sometimes, too! VT  
Gotta love some helpful excuses. VT

As though you need more style. x  
Helpful excuses are my favorite ones. For example, I'm far too grief stricken by your departure to get any work done. x

Oooh, darling. You'll make me blush. VT  
Is that so? Terrible fate, that. I'd offer to come and surprise you, but my manly omni-capable image is currently spoiled. VT

[draft] Darl  
Oh, well, as we know, I do hate making you blush. x  
You'd offer to surprise me? Star man, I hate to tell you, but I think that might ruin the surprise a tad. x

I know, I know. It's a terrible thing to do to a man. VT  
Aha, but you wouldn't know how I was going to surprise you. I could be surprising in a great many ways. VT

Quite. Of course, that's why you've never done it to me. x  
Oh? Any ways I should be excited for, agent Trevor? xo

Possibly. VT  
I could turn up naked, for instance. That would be really amusing. Freezing, but amusing. VT  
Not entirely sure that's exciting though. Just strange. VT  
Remind me to think before I text more often. VT

I can promise you Victor, I will never remind you to speak before speaking outside of business situations. x  
I'd say that would be exciting, depending on what you mean by the word. x

Damn it. How am I supposed to remember these things on my own? VT  
I feel like I should do one of these: ;) VT  
Actually, you'd probably just get distracted by intricate machinery. VT

I was hoping you wouldn't. x  
... I might, actually. x  
But you have to admit your leg is very interesting. x

Still! Terribly embarrassing for me. VT  
I'd just have to sit around naked. It'd be cold and awful. VT  
Okay, so maybe it is. But the novelty does wear off eventually. VT

Well. I'd probably fetch you something warm. I can be nice sometimes. x  
What would you have me do if you showed up naked at my door, anyway? x  
You'd be freezing. I'd have to wrap you in an electric blanket. x

Beds are warm. VT  
We have already discovered this. VT  
Therefore you could take me to one again. VT

I cannot tell if you're trying to seduce me or trying to get me to cuddle. x  
It's surprisingly difficult to tell with you. x 

Both? Either? VT  
I'm not fussy, you know. I could go either way. Both of them are basically brilliant. VT

Well, sex does tend to be a bit tiring, and cuddling rather renewing energy-wise. x  
So I suppose both could work. x  
If you buy me something first, so I seem classy. x

One and then the other. And then maybe the first one again. Feel free to substitute whichever one in you fancy. VT  
Hmmm. A pint of milk? VT

Well, logically it would be best to use energy before regaining it, so the losing would be first. To be done again. x  
As says so logic. x  
Milk? You're going to woo me with milk? x

I think I can cope with that. Probably. VT  
Very logical. I must commend you on that excellent piece of logic right there, truly. VT  
Well, it seemed practical. VT

Won't tire you out? x  
Thank you, star man. I try. x  
You're a fantastic poet and have suddenly come into a great deal of money and you chose practicality. x  
C'mon, honeybee. Don't buy me something I need, buy me something I want. x

[draft] Did you just  
[draft] Honeybee is still a bit  
Nah, I'm sure I'll manage. My stamina can be rather brilliant sometimes. VT  
I'm pretty sure you already have most of the things you want. VT  
It makes it more tricky. VT

You are putting all sorts of thoughts in my head right now, star man. x  
True. x  
You could get me a necklace? I don't have many of those. x

Am I just? I assure you that's not at all my responsibility; I've been perfectly innocent. VT  
Oh? VT  
I'll have to consider it. VT

Completely and entirely innocent, of course. I just have a very sinful mind. x  
See? Proper woo'ing ideas. x

Utterly sinful. But I think that sounds rather /you/. VT  
I think for true proper wooing there ought to be flowers. VT

Are you calling me sinful, star man? x  
Hurtful. I'm a momument to good behavior. x  
Well, I wouldn't say no to flowers. x

Chocolate puddings are also sinful, so y'know, its not that insulting. VT  
It's a very attractive quality. VT  
See! Very gentlemanly on both sides. VT

Mm, chocolate pudding. More fun ideas, there. x  
Very. If you actually bring me flowers I may die of laughter. x

You are utterly, undeniably sinful. VT  
Well, I have to see that. You're just motivating me more. VT

Maybe a little bit. Are you saying you mind? x  
I'm sure I'll still feel very seduced after, too. x  
I've always been a fan of lilies. x

I can't say I entirely mind. VT  
Perhaps I even rather like it, but that's beside the point. VT  
Kind of a funeral vibe you've got going there, then. VT

Agent Trevor, how scandalous. x  
Hm. Well, I am a rather morbid person, you know. x

Me?! Scandalous? Would I ever do that? VT  
I may have noticed. Somehow, this seems to be a theme with people I like. VT

Of course not, Mr. I'll Show Up On Your Doorstep Naked. x  
I'd probably say the same, but I haven't liked enough people to know. x 

No idea why anyone would think that that is scandalous. VT  
That's kind of a shame, you know. Then again, a lot of people aren't entirely worth it. VT

True. I think it'd be more worrisome than scandalous, to most. x  
I realized that a young age. Mostly stayed away from people since. x

Especially with the weather. VT  
It could be counted as a sign of madness. I believe. VT  
Some of them are all right. Some of them are wonderful, too. VT

You're lucky I've always had a fondness for madness. x  
I've met one or two that are wonderful, yeah. x

A dangerous fondness to have, that one. VT  
They're the kind of people who one really has to try to hang on to. VT  
Though that didn't help me last time. VT

Little bit. But often rather worth it. x  
Yeah. x  
Me neither. x

Well, if we go down that road, I will get nostalgic and incredibly sad. Probably annoying too. VT  
And I've done that once today already. VT  
So. Let's not, probably. VT

You have? x  
Are you alright, Victor? x

I wouldn't worry. It's all okay. VT  
These things happen. VT

Alright. x  
So, if I were to expect the seductive flowers and nudity, when would I expect it to happen? x

Hmm. Well, I still need a few hours, at the very least. VT

Are you planning on coming right back after your leg has charged, star man? x  
Be careful, you'll start to flatter me. x

Could be. It is possible. VT  
But, no. I have to go blag an extra charger off a guy I know, and perhaps another thing that becomes a pre-requisite when one removes a leg. VT  
I have priorities, you know. VT

It seems you do. x  
I'm almost impressed. x  
Another time, then? x

Another time. VT  
Possibly a soon time, but still another. VT

You're just horribly impatient. x  
Even worse, I think it may be rubbing off on me. x  
How long is soon? x

Depends. VT  
Five hundred and fourteen minutes. VT  
Probably. VT

Five hundred and fourteen minutes. x  
Very specific. x  
How ever am I meant to keep myself entertained until then? x

You're an intelligent man; I'm sure you'll find something. VT

Probably just write, honestly. x  
Maybe cause a bit of mayhem. x

Does sound rather like your style. VT  
You could write a wonderfully appropriate piece of small literature. VT

A small piece of literature about causing mass confusion and fear? x  
That does sound like an appealing idea. x  
Also give real people a break from me actually planning something. x

Yep. See? It's definitely a great idea. It'd pass the time, at least. VT  
They could do with a few hours to recover, probably. VT

May as well. x  
Ordinary people do warrant some pity, I'm rather sure. x

I'll be looking forward to knowing more about this small literature piece. VT

Be careful what you wish for, star man. x  
With all this talk and nudity of flowers it may just end up being completely dirty. x

Scandalous! VT  
I may well forget to complain. VT

You seem so sure I'll let you read it. x

I could be planning to read it more sneakily than that. VT

Sneakily as in steal it under the cover of night? x  
Or try not to get too hot and bothered while sneakily reading it when you're still over? x

Either? VT  
Both? VT  
I can't reveal my plan to you now, you know. That's not how these things work. VT

Rude. x  
Sensible, but rude. x  
What if I just change everything up and read it to you once you come over? x

That could solve a few problems. VT  
Apart from the fact I may still have to do the latter of your suggestions. VT

Well, you see, now that just sounds like a challenge. x  
I may have to do some ear-breathing and neck kissing. x

It was not a challenge! VT  
I think I'm doomed. VT

It sounded like a challenge. x  
I am very good at winning challenges. x

See! Doomed. VT  
All because you took it as a challenge. VT  
Truly scandalous. VT

To be honest, I probably would have done the neck kissing anyway. x  
You have a very kissable neck. x

Is that so? VT  
I'll tell my neck. It'll be very proud. VT

It should be. There's lots to be proud about. x  
Should probably passage the message along to your lips, as well, though. x

No one's going to be able to get any work done with all these messages. VT

True. x  
If I get too distracted by talking to you how will I write? x

You can use one hand for each. VT  
Text with one, write with another. Obviously. VT

That would be an absolutely brilliant idea if I was ambidextrous. x  
Many things would be nicer if I was ambidextrous. ;) x

Saucy. VT  
My imagination is running wild. VT

Finally, I've seemed to affect you. x  
And then again, some things are better with a non-dominant hand. x

Are they just? VT  
I can't say I can think of many off the top of my head. Perhaps you ought to help me out. VT

Well, there's holding someone down when you don't really want to be in control, so they can overpower you. x  
Or when you want a grip to be weaker so something only feels teasing. x  
Long list, really. x

I can see you've certainly thought about it. VT  
Good ideas, there. VT  
Very clever. VT  
Mmh. You've got me distracted. VT

Well, you're the one who got me thinking about it. x  
You're such a flatterer, star man. x  
Plus, you know, non-dominant hand is better for carding through hair. x  
Makes any sudden need to grip hurt less. x

I didn't mean to! VT  
Practical, too. VT  
I do like the idea of your hands in my hair. VT

"Perhaps you ought to help me out." Yes, star man, clearly you didn't mean to. x  
Mm, it is one of the nicer thoughts thats been running through my head. x  
Your hair looks very nice to toy with. x

Shhh. That was totally subtle. Kind of. There was a slight attempt. VT  
My hair is very flattered. VT  
Fun fact: when I was in uni it was long. VT

Very subtle, I hardly noticed. x  
[draft] You're such a dor  
You know, it's rather hard to be talking about these things and not have you here to kiss. x  
For most people I'd cringe, but I don't picture you looking too bad with long hair. x

Thanks. Imagine me looking flattered now. VT  
I know, I know, it's terribly inconsiderate of me to be so far away. VT  
There are pictures, I believe. Somewhere. VT

But I'm already imaging you in an entirely different way. x  
It is incredibly inconsiderate. I'm feeling rather frustrated at the lack of you nearby. x  
How much of an inconvenience would it be to look for them? x

Scandal! VT  
Surely you can incorporate both? VT  
Not much more time, hopefully. I have lots of things to sort out for you, you know. VT  
Perhaps not too much. I have a feeling Evelyn took them, see. And she likes to keep things. VT

Hm... x  
Yes, it seems I can. x  
I know, yes, but I can be horribly impatient sometimes and this may be one of those times. x  
Helpful. Is Evelyn the sister you mentioned? x

Well done you. I do hope it's enjoyable. VT  
Me too. Very terribly impatient and even more impatient with myself. VT  
She is, yeah. VT  
Might even have transferred them onto the computer, so that's something. VT

Very, very enjoyable. x  
Remind me to compliment you more often. x  
And yet we're still texting each other, which is delaying you. Not that I want to stop, of course. x  
You know, despite the leg, I don't imagine you as an overly technological person. More pen and paper sort, if given the choice. Jx

You want me to try to remember to remind you of something? I'm not sure it'll work. VT  
Only delaying me slightly. And some things will take a certain amount of time no matter the amount of texting I do. VT  
Honestly, you're right. VT  
Don't get me wrong, very useful and all. But it's a different kind of experience, speaking in sensory terms. VT

Fair point. Just stay pretty, then, and I'll probably remember. x  
Ah, good, I can continue texting free of guilt. x  
It is, yeah. x  
I have a bunch of journals in my room. Pen and paper have always suited me better. x

One can but hope. I'll try to stay as beautiful as ever. VT  
I somehow doubt you were going to feel at all guilty anyway. VT  
It can be quite cathartic. More so, anyway. Feels realer. VT  
Anyway. It was always what I was used to. VT

I can't imagine you getting any less. x  
Hush, we can pretend I would be. x  
It is more helpful in that way, yes. x  
Pressing buttons has never been as relieving as actually forming the curves of letters. x

I'll blush if you do that. VT  
And then it'll be incredibly embarrassing and terrible for me. Of course. VT  
Mmh. One can write violently. It's more emotional. VT

Flatter you? x  
But you look even prettier when you blush. How am I meant to resist? x  
One can write with almost any emotion. Typing feels too robotic, sometimes. x

I'm sure you'll find a way. VT  
Such as avoiding my incredible and deadly wrath. Which I totally have. VT  
Punctuation helps. But yeah, I do know what you mean. VT  
And it's easier to avoid over-editing. Too much second guessing, see. VT

Oh, I don't know if thats motivation to stop. x  
I've spared a thought to you being controlling and wrathful-ish. Didn't end badly. x  
Very true. I can never manage to type poetry, I end up deleting it entirely. x

he theoretical might be rather different from the reality. Possibly. VT  
You do seem to have been thinking about me an awful lot. I can't say I'm unflattered, as such. VT  
Poetry's easier on paper. Visceral. Unavoidable. VT

Well, I imagine you'd be fine after expelling your anger. And it'd be a fun outlet for anger-expelling. x  
I can hardly help it. You keep texting me. What else is worth thinking about? x  
Unavoidable is a good word for it. x

But imagine the terrible amount of guilt that would happen afterwards. I'd apologise insufferably. VT  
I'm sure there are other things. Many other things. I'm struggling to think of some but I'm sure there are many. VT  
Mmh, yeah. It's just... very present. VT

The chance of there being anything to apologize for would be small. x  
And trust me, if you did something past what I was comfortable with, you'd know. x  
[draft] Flashbacks aren't very subt  
Struggling to think of anything more worth than yourself? You're lucky I've always been a fan of cocky, star man. x  
And persistant. x

I'd manage to find something. VT  
That's something to be taken into consideration, then? VT  
I do a wonderful impression of that, if I say so myself. It's one of my very best features. VT  
Apart from to burning. VT

Well, we certainly should have a discussion about limits before we actually do anything. x  
Even if you're not doing the anger outlet part. x  
I'm not sure I'd say it's one of your best features, but it is very impressive. x  
Yeah. Once one starts writing poetry stopping doesn't seem to be an option. x

Definitely a good plan. VT  
I have previously discovered that skipping that kind of actual sensible working out of things ends badly for one person or another. VT  
It rather helps with work and all that kind of thing. And other things. VT  
It doesn't. It rather continues to follow you around, one way or another. VT

Funnily enough, I've noticed that too. x  
Want to set limits now or in person? x  
Ah, I could see that. Acting like you're the best helps others believe it. x  
Gets stuck in your head, as it were. You end up just having to write it out. x

Weird. Almost as if communication is actually useful for something. VT  
In person sounds as if it could be better. In theory, though. VT  
It does! People don't trust you so much if they don't think you have confidence in your own abilities. VT  
Right. Cathartic, too. VT

Now that's just ridiculous, my dearest agent. x  
Alright. I may have to kiss you at least a little bit before the discussion, though. x  
Exactly. The power of a scoff or a smirk is amazing when wanting people to do what you want. x  
Most definitely. Almost refreshing in nature. x

I know, it does sound absolutely ridiculous. Deeply strange. VT  
That's not the worst thing that I could have thought of. Especially before Actual Serious Things. VT  
It's all very much about playing a part. But that's basically just what professionalism is. VT  
Quite! Sometimes I feel they ought to have artwork, but that's not really my area of expertise. VT

Such an odd thing for you to think of-- communication being helpful. Honestly, star man. x  
Oh good. Cut me off if I get too enthusiastic before we talk. x  
Professionalism, normality, most things are just about playing a part. x  
I paint. I could try painting something to accompany one of yours, if you describe what you want. x

Honestly. Don't know why I even suggested it. VT  
I'll try to remember that. Might be hard, but I'm sure I can manage when it's really important. VT  
Basically everything. We humans aren't very good at allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, one way or another. VT  
You do? VT  
That's a wonderful idea. VT

Nor do I. But I forgive your silliness, star man. x  
I may be a bit persistent. Priorities tend to get messed up when pretty men are involved. x  
No, not really. But at least we try, sometimes. x  
I'm not saying I'm a good painter, mind you. But I could try. x

I must admit that pretty men tend to make priorities seem terribly unimportant. VT  
I'll write it on my hand or something. VT  
Sometimes. VT  
I think you'll probably find that you're the most incredible Jim Moriarty painter I know. VT

Very much so. And you're incredibly pretty. I use lots of willpower to not be overwhelmed by it. x  
I think your neck would be more affective, honestly. x  
Yeah. x  
Ha, I would hope so. Very kind of you to say, though. x

'Incredibly'?! I'm not sure I deserve that. VT  
It's pretty hard to write on ones own neck. And people would probably think it was weird. I have to try to look a bit normal sometimes. VT  
Damn true. More is true, too. You're wonderful. VT

You deserve far more, but I'm afraid the english language falls short. x  
Ah, true. Alright, I suppose hand could work. x  
Hush, you're being silly again. Wonderful is one of the antonyms of what I am, darling. x

Damn. Perhaps we ought to switch to Latin, but then, the sentence structure is just confusing. VT  
I could do it just below my collar. VT  
Nuh uh. You inspire wonder in me, and are therefore wonderful. VT

Also, minor issue that I don't know Latin. Not one of the languages I ended up leaning. x  
Also could be effective, if you end up loosing your shirt again. Which isn't entirely improbable. x  
Oh. x  
Alright. x

I don't blame you. There are an awful lot of endings for everything. And that's coming from me. VT  
I thought so. See, I do sometimes have good ideas. VT  
Okay? VT

Taking a shot in the dark and saying you're a linguist, then. x  
You very often have good ideas. x  
Fine. Surprised, but fine. x

It may be one of my main skills. I used to do quite a lot of translation work. And exciting going undercover stuff. VT  
I wouldn't say very often, but still. VT  
You're also awful, if it helps. But unfortunately, I'm using the archaic meaning, so it's still quite flattering. VT

Now I want to listen to you to talk in languages I don't know. At some point. x  
Often enough to be nice, then. x  
You really must stop being out of kissing range. x

I have acquired quite a lot of them over the years, if I say so myself. VT  
I can accept that. VT  
The eventual gains will be worth it, I promise. I'll have the actual ability to stay with you for more than an afternoon without worry, you see. VT

So you wouldn't mind showing off a little? x  
Alright, admittedly, that does sound rather nice. x  
Okay, I'll wait. Reluctantly, but I can do it. x

I could definitely try. And also try not to apologise about it too much. VT  
See! Imagine that. VT  
And you can inspect the wonder that is the technology of today. VT  
I'm just reeling you in with wonderful things, here. It's like slightly more honest bribery. VT

Try to apologize about being impressive? I'd almost want to see that, to see how'd you manage. x  
"Désolé que je suis parfait." x  
Mm, consider me reeled in. Without any fight. x  
I'm endlessly fascinated by you and your leg, after all. x

I'm very good at apologising. Another one of my skills. VT  
Frankly, I think I could apologise for that kind of thing. "Je sais que je devrais arrêter d'être aussi bon à ces choses, mais..." VT  
I have noticed that. I also have an incredible collection of scars. VT

I'm sure it's useful in certain situations. x  
Not surprised. "Mas rien, homme d' étoiles. Continuez de parler." x  
I may or may not end up tracing a few of those, if you're not opposed. x

Mmh. It has been quite useful, even if I sometimes have to lie while apologising. Not to you, though. VT  
I'll blush again. 'Du moment que vous appréciez les entendre, je suppose.' VT  
Mostly not opposed. Sometimes a bit skittish. VT

You haven't had to applogise to me at all, Vic. x  
Oh no. "Peut-etre que vous ne devriez pas parler longtemps. Nous pourrions mourir de faim." x  
I have scars. Know not to press. x  
But tell me if the skittish feeling appears. I'll stop. x

I rarely take 'need' into account. Just go for it anyway, mostly. VT  
Jestem tak cholernie zadowolony, że tu jesteś teraz. VT  
Could be counted as showing off, that. VT  
Thank you. VT  
It can all be quite silly, but... yeah. Thank you. VT

That's alright. I'm not opposed to saying "It's fine." x  
I have absolutely no idea what you just said. x  
Nor how it's pronounced. Say it to me when you arrive, so I can learn? x  
It's not silly. Or, if it is, all my things are silly too and somehow I doubt you think that. x

I shall hope that you don't get bored of saying it too fast. VT  
That's the horrible, terrible beauty of Polish for you. VT  
Of course. May as well put it to good use. VT  
No, I know. It just often feels silly even if it technically isn't and shouldn't be, and I find myself saying that it is somewhere along the line. Even if it's reasonable enough when it's all taken into consideration. VT  
Trauma can be a bit bad with that kind of thing, I guess. VT

I deal with people I don't even like saying much more stupid things on a daily basis, I'll be fine with a few I'm sorry's from someone I do. x  
Thank you, Vic. Now I have yet another thing to look forward to. x  
Yeah. The specific things feel the silliest, you know? I can deal with being pinned down but not my limbs if I'm lying on my back, I can deal with compliments just fine but not being called "pretty". x  
It feels ridiculous when it's specific, doesn't it? Hard to rationalize. x

Oh my god I am going to get all flattered again. VT  
I'm just piling them up tonight, you know. VT  
Right. And I could probably work out specific reasons for all of it but most of the time they disappear as soon as explaining happens, or suddenly seem ridiculous. Like they're just something extra that would be too much trouble to take care over for no good reason, even though I would in a heartbeat for someone else. And I got a little caught up in that train of thought, maybe. VT  
I'll remember that, though. VT

One of my new favorite activities is to flatter you. x  
I've noticed. I'm getting very anticipatory. x  
It's hard to verbalize. Internally, I know why the things cause issues, but it is definitely a challenge to explain. And then there's the questioning of if your feelings are valid, or if you're just making them up, and then it seems like something that's not worth mentioning at all because suddenly it feels like I can out think it. But, of course, I never can. x  
It's horrible. But something we both understand, which will help. x

It's terrible and I'm never going to forgive you. Maybe. VT  
I might have to spread them out, though, or I'll run out. VT  
And of course, it all gets worse if you don't say anything, because then all of a sudden one has a panic attack after a perfectly good reason and leave someone totally confused and usually upset. Terrible idea. VT  
I think we'll work it out. Especially since I don't see either of us questioning the other's reasons, considering. VT

I'm sure I'll be able to convince you. x  
I doubt you'll run out, but if you don't spread them out I may just not let you leave. Be entirely too enthralled to consider it. x  
Terrible idea indeed. Makes everything worse, and then there's annoyance at oneself for A) not telling them and B) not being able to deal. x  
True. x  
[draft] Although I think you're the type I may tell one day, anyw

You do seem rather persuasive. VT  
I think I could think of a few worse fates than that. I might not object entirely. VT  
And then the explanation seems even more inadequate once they've seen what can go wrong. Et cetera. VT  
Good. We'll be good. VT

I try. JMx  
For the sake of honestly, I wouldn't suggest it. I can get annoyingly possessive, if you let me. x  
Painfully inadequate. Such a silly thing to cause such a dramatic reaction, despite it not actually being a silly thing. x  
Yeah, I think we will. x

I'll play it by ear on that front, probably. VT  
Planning ahead? Pfshh, that's for wusses. And successful people. Not me. VT  
The warning probably helps, though. VT  
It's all subjective. I've next to no idea how reasonable people would actually think my reasons are, for instance. It's impossible to know properly. VT  
Without mind reading, I suppose. VT

And yet you're making all these plans of things that will make me swoon. x  
Was hard to bring myself to warn you, admittedly. But honesty usually helps. x  
I will get possessive. And you'll have to tell me very sternly to back off. I apologise in advance. x  
Well, I'll tell you know, I think anything that causes trauma, on any level, is reasonable enough to. So try not to worry too much, there. x

Damn. Forgot about that planning ahead. Can I claim it's a different kind? VT  
That it does. There's a reason I kind of feel I should have mentioned the leg earlier. But, see, employers don't usually like that kind of thing. VT  
I can do stern explanation when necessary, I wouldn't worry. VT  
I think so too. It's good to be on the same page with these things. VT  
[draft] God, I don't think anyone's made me feel so reasonable since  
[draft] That's kind of ironic, I  
:) VT

Yes, but only because I feel flattered that I'm an exception. x  
It was fun to discover. And if you'd mentioned it earlier I wouldn't have been able to interrogate you about it as thoroughly. x  
Alright, good. x  
It is, yeah. x  
[draft] You really have to stop making me feel so  
Dork. JMx  
[draft] :)

The best people seem to be. VT  
True. You wouldn't have had the experience of being amazed that you didn't realise to start with. VT  
Me?! I am not. VT

Yeah. Being the best is an exception in and of itself, isn't it? x  
Exactly. That would have been heartbreaking. x  
Little bit. x  
Very kissable dork, at least. x

It rather is, I suppose. One of the best kinds. VT  
Even with getting up and down off the floor. You've no idea how proud of that I was. VT  
Shhhh. It's a secret. No one else has realised yet. VT

Definitely one of the best kinds. x  
I imagine you were very proud. Sounds worthy of pride. x  
I doubt anyone else is reading our texts, star man. x  
How much longer must I wait for you to come over? Isn't there something I could do to help things speed along? x

Very proud. VT  
Very overly proud. Terribly. Or wonderfully. VT  
True, but the more people who know, the more likelihood someone else will notice. VT  
I'm getting there. I have actually managed to procure another charger. I'm nearly done now. VT

[draft] You're adorable sometim  
Let's go with wonderfully. Better connotations. x  
Alright, I'll pretend I don't know around others, then. For your sake. x  
And suddenly the stars seems to shine a bit brighter. If it was night and I could see them at all, I mean. x

Wonderfully it is, then. VT  
Kind of learnt to appreciate little victories, either way. VT  
[draft] I'm just really glad I don't feel like I have to pretend it's all totally normal around you  
Good, good. It'd ruin my reputation. VT  
I am star man, after all. It is quite appropriate. VT

Perfect. x  
Sometimes the little victories feel better than the large ones. In a weird way. x  
Like not every step forward requires a huge amount of pain. Sometimes it's easier, if less dramatic. x  
Can't have that. Your reputation is now rather important to me, after all. x  
Right. But I can't see you right now, either. So I'm just imagining both you and literal stars shining more. x

Right. Little victories are lovely, and come around more often than proper big ones. VT  
Nice things also include waking up and going 'holy shit I get to use a practically bionic leg'. VT  
Is it now? I think I'm also flattered. VT  
I am rather liking the sound of your imagination, after all the things you've been imagining today. Lovely. VT

I won't lie, it is rather impressive you think that. Even it's not everyday. x  
I've never been able to look on the bright side of my own things. x  
[draft] Just because of the you now working of me, of cour  
[draft] I was about to send such a lie it's actually  
Ah, good. Still like doing that. x  
It's really only ever completely horrible or extremely nice. You do seem to help encourage the nice part. x

No? VT  
The bright side can be kind of hard to really believe, honestly. Or even find, sometimes. VT  
[draft] There are still days when  
But I can look on it for you, if ever there's an opportunity. VT  
Now there's a skill. 'Encourages the nice side'. I'll put it on my CV. VT

No. Never. x  
I didn't even learn anything from it. No life lessons. No how to improve for next time. x  
You'd be hard-pressed to find anything good from it, honestly. x  
Ha. It's a very lovely skill, if I do say it myself. I appreciate it. x

I'd still take up the challenge. VT  
It doesn't always have to be something big, or obvious. It can be tiny. Pinpricks of light in the impenetrable darkness, you know? VT  
Anyway. It's still hard. But I like to think there's always something, however small. VT  
Secret: I don't always believe it myself, but try to. VT  
I'll keep it up. VT

I know, I know. I've looked. Trust me, Victor, I've looked for any pinprick I can find. x  
I should stop talking. x  
You probably shouldn't come over. Enjoy your evening, or something. x  
[draft] Sorry sorry sorry I jsut  
Sorry. x

Hey, it's alright. It's fine. You have my word, Jim. VT  
It's okay. VT  
What do you need? VT

Nothing I'd want to do to you. x  
Um. That one's a long story. Ignore that last text. x  
Just some bad memories, I'll be fine. It'll be fine. x  
[draft] Uh. You really shouldn't come over, but if you do soon would be app  
[draft] Really don't come over  
[draft] or do  
[draft] please do  
You don't need to deal with this. It's fine. x

I'm going to come over unless you expressly tell me that you don't want me to. VT  
Okay? VT

[delayed] Okay. x  
Alright. x  
Thank you. x

I'll be half an hour at most. VT  
See you soon. xx VT

Yeah. x  
See you soon, Vic. xo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last time i tried to copy down this part the thing crashed so i had to redo it from scratch pls appreciate the amount of work that went into the texting chapter


	11. Damage Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are the poisoned youth...

It took Victor twenty minutes to arrive; he had foregone putting his prosthetic back on in favour of haste, which honestly, an extra ten minutes couldn't have changed. It did make it rather easier to carry things, though, by piling them in his lap. Worry had become rather overwhelming in those last twenty minutes, too -- by the time he arrived and knocked he was quite on edge, although he managed to disguise it reasonably well. He just needed to be sure Jim was okay, and hopefully, find something he could do to make it mildly better.

He'd assumed that Victor wouldn't continue texting, so Jim ended up just curling up and tugging the blanket over his head. Warmth helped, sometimes, and he wanted to stop shaking by the time Victor arrived. He'd managed to still about five minutes before the knock-- although the knock put Jim on edge again. Right. He'd have to get up, actually answer. He kept his door locked. After a few moments to calm down again, Jim slipped out of bed and walked to the door, pausing again with his hand on the knob. Right. Jim cleared his throat, then opened the door, blinking in surprise to see Victor in his wheelchair. Quickly, Jim stepped out of the way.

Victor gave a quick, fleeting smile when Jim opened the door, pushing himself inside and making sure he was far enough out of the way. Perhaps there was a little selfishness in his nerves there; it was still a vulnerable thing to let people see him like this, when he felt so damn incapable, but it was a small price to pay for being here, now. "Hey," he finally said, once he'd turned back to be able to see Jim properly, studying his expression and body language carefully. "Tell me where I can dump this stuff," he gestured to things on his lap,"And then we can take it from there, yeah?"

That sounded good. Sounded like something in particular to do, and then _take it from there_ just made everything else seem like it'd be easy. Jim's thoughts spared some attention to working out it was very likely he'd had to deal with this sort of thing before, with someone else. "Yeah. Uh..." Jim's gaze flicked away, because any excuse not to look directly at someone was a good one, and searching for a place was an excuse. Eventually he just looked at the nearby coffee table. "There, I suppose." (And maybe Jim had been to busy thinking to greet Victor back, but at least he'd replied at all.)

Victor nodded and went to unload what he had brought (which mainly just consisted of his leg and a few related things, which had earnt him a few strange looks, but he'd been in no position to care when there were more important things on his mind), before finally turning himself back towards Jim. Straight-forward steps had been useful so far so they hopefully would continue to be. Victor found himself ever so grateful that at least he had some idea what he could try to do; so far he wasn't too out of his depth. "Okay. Where's best for us to go, now? In the simple physical sense."

Jim, later, would be endlessly grateful that Victor had added that last sentence, because right before he'd said it Jim had gotten very concerned that he was asking something rather more difficult to answer. But at present he just relaxed a bit. Jim didn't want to think too much on the answer. He'd been curled up in bed before Victor'd arrived-- that should work, then, yeah? After a pause Jim remembered the whole _actually speaking_ thing. "Bed? Not for--" Clearly not for the flirting thing. Jim really didn't have to clarify that, in his current state. "It's warm, I mean." Jim felt mildly safer in it.

"Warm is good," Victor agreed, and didn't question it any further. He was being careful with what he said to start with; this wasn't the time to let things be unclear and get lost in translation, and it didn't feel needed. Instead, he headed in the direction of Jim's bedroom, abandoning his wheelchair carefully out of the way a little distance inside in favour of crossing the gap to the edge of the bed with a practiced manoeuvre in which balance was crucial. "Okay?" That was an important question just at the moment.

Jim followed silently. He wasn't used to other people around when he was like this. And least not people he actually knew the names of. Jim sat down next to Victor on the bed, tucking his legs beneath him. At any other time, he would've been extremely interested in how Victor had gotten from the wheelchair to the bed, but for now he was wondering how to answer the question. Jim moved his gaze to Victor's eyes, searching for a moment before he flicked it away again and he sighed. "Better, I think." Which was something. Jim laid down, silently leaving room for Victor to do the same, if he wanted.

Victor watched Jim closely for another moment, before deciding that yes, it would be okay if he lay down too. He stretched out beside the other man, turned on his side and propped up on one elbow. "Better is definitely the outcome I'd prefer." He was quiet for another moment, before adding: "Would physical contact help with getting towards better, do you think, or would it be a bad idea? And if you're not sure, then we can try if you like, carefully." Honestly, he really wanted to hold Jim right now and offer physical comfort, but he needed to be sure that it would be helpful rather than counterproductive. He was quite aware things like that could usually only be judged on a case-by-case basis, to say the least.

"Yeah." Yeah, that sounded nice. Maybe not in certain ways, definitely not with Victor laying on top of Jim in any way. But in general. Jim shifted closer, bringing up his hands to rest on Victor's chest. At least Jim had mentioned he disliked being pinned on his back normally, so it was doubtful Victor would try anything like that now. "Give me a moment. I'll... attempt to explain things. But later." Now, speaking was hard and really maybe Jim just wanted to listen to Victor talk about whatever and not move unless he absolutely had to.

Victor moved close at that, wrapping his arms around the other man and running a hand along the length of his back automatically. It all still felt delicate, but better in some ways; they were getting somewhere and at least Victor hadn't made it worse, as far as he could tell. "Later is fine," he promised softly. "Whatever you need is fine." He was silent for a moment, fingers pausing over Jim's shoulder blade as he searched for something to say. "I never finished telling you about Atlas. Want me to finish the story?"

Jim didn't exactly relax at Victor's touch, he wasn't entirely comfortable with touching being reciprocated, but it was Victor so it wasn't as though Jim tensed either. Jim buried his head in Victor's chest, curling up more. Story. Meant Jim didn't have to talk, but Victor would. "Please." Jim replied, far more quietly than he had wanted to. Probably still able to be heard, though, which counted as an accomplishment of some sort, Jim was sure. He could pretend it was. That it was impressive, not pathetic.

Victor nodded faintly, and settled on staying as still as he could, just in case. Stories were easy, though: familiar to him and distracting to the other. It had always been part of his go-to response to this kind of thing, and at least so far, it hadn't been a bad thing. So he continued from where he remembered them having left off with the story, speaking softly but relatively constantly, at least until he came to the end. At that point he paused, mostly to try to gauge Jim's reaction, and whether it was a good idea to just slip into another story to give him more time.

It allowed him a bit of time to calm down. And Victor did have a nicely soothing voice, which helped out even more, and Jim felt like maybe speaking wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Sleeping sounded better, of course, but Victor had come all this way and Jim didn't want to just fall asleep against him. Actually discuss things, possibly, show he was making some attempt at improving. And then Victor stopped speaking and Jim had the chance-- and he paused before speaking. Of course. "There isn't an upside." Felt weird to say out loud; to acknowledge out loud. "You won't be able to find one."

"I am getting that impression," Victor murmured in return, a little surprised at the change of topic, but glad. It was less worrying than the silence was right at the moment; it felt a little more functional. A little. Not much. "That's the thing about optimism, though. Often the upside ends up little more than an 'it could have been worse' consideration." He gave a faint grimace, but the expression was smoothed over quickly. "It doesn't always feel so helpful as I like to hope. But I still try to find them, even if they're just like that."

It could have been worse. That was true, it could have been worse. Somehow. Probably. Yes, actually, it could have been more than once. That would have been worse. "I was put in correctional therapy." Always a good start. "Sent off to some boarding school for the disturbed." Jim had fit right in. Diagnosed psychopathy and depression-- and homosexuality, of course. Such a disturbed kid, poor dear. Too much to deal with. Jim would have been fine, though, some uppity place to 'help' he could have dealt with. He shifted closer, falling silent again. Storytelling from him would be a slow process, it seemed.

Surprise registered on Victor's expression; that certainly wasn't something he would have predicted. Not precisely because he couldn't imagine that someone would think it a good idea (people thought some utterly horrific shit, after all), but more because it was something he'd never even thought about the possibility until prompted. "That was never going to turn out well, I'd imagine," he said quietly, more as an acknowledgement as he waited to see if Jim would tell him more than anything else. He wasn't going to push it right now, just wait and see.

"It would have been fine. It really would have." The actual therapy bit and being treated like a ticking bomb wasn't nice, of course, but it was tolerable. "I... my therapist was nice." The only nice person in the entire place. Jim had actually trusted him and it just-- not just any night, but that one in particular-- when Jim was bleeding and terrified and. This was not going well. Recalling it wasn't going well. But Jim really wanted to see if Victor could find a bright side. But he incredibly tense, he noticed, breathing erratic. Jim tried to force himself to calm down, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around Victor tightly.

"Hey, hey." A frown furrowed Victor's brow, and he tried his best to be physically comforting while at the same time being unsure of what might make things worse. Words, though. He could do those. "It's okay here," he murmured, voice low and even, aiming to draw Jim more into the present. "We're okay, and I'm staying right here, and you can have all the time you need. Just focus on breathing for a moment, hm? Slower. I can almost guarantee it'll make you feel a little better; breathing's pretty vital for that. It's going to be all good. I'll make sure."

Jim immediately latched onto Victor's voice as a grounding mechanism, Victor's voice was a very recent thing in Jim's life, it helped with staving off the memory. Slowly, Jim loosened his hold on Victor, trying to make their breathing match. Slowing his. It took a while, but eventually Jim was back to being aware of his surroundings and the past wasn't quite as threatening. "I'm okay, sorry, I'm fine." Words a bit of a jumbled mess, but they got across fine. Jim took a deep breath, and it wasn't even that shaky. "Sorry. I don't even remember much, but it still..." He remembered enough.

Victor gave the other man a tiny, relieved smile, though there was still an awful lot of worry in his expression. He couldn't help that, right now. "I know. Even if it's not much, memory can be very overpowering. It's okay." Victor was quiet for a half moment, a little unsure, before asking: "Do you want to try again?" He wasn't sure which would be better, honestly; while he wanted to know it wasn't going so well for Jim so far, but sometimes vocalising experiences could be quite cathartic. It was hard to tell, and he was in no position to judge. Hopefully, the other man was a little more.

Well, yes, Jim did want to try again, but the issue of how was posing a problem. This whole taking it slow approach clearly wasn't working. Just led to the descent down bad memory lane. Still, Jim gave a nod. Time to try ripping off the bandaid quickly. "I'd hurt myself and went to see him because I was scared. He gave me drugged wine. Not to calm me down, of course, but so I couldn't fight back. I was twelve." There. It was out. Summarized in four sentences. That wasn't completely horrible. "So, if you can find an upside to that happening, please feel free to tell me."

Victor gave a faint nod, his gaze flickering away for a moment. There was a bit of an art to not going quiet for too long, even when one was trying to work out what the hell to say, he thought, and this time he was straddling the line of 'too long'. Too long tended to make people uncomfortable, or more upset, or just unpredictable. Still, he was pretty sure he managed to fall just shy, answering quietly. "You're still here. Though that counts more as a positive outcome of the time after, rather than the event itself, and that kind of statement can be-- subjective, anyway. We both know that." A pause; Jim was right about anything which could be construed as even vaguely positive being almost impossible to find. But he felt as if he had to try to find something. "I very much doubt you'd let anything even vaguely similar happen again. That's an upside." Kind of. He really was trying.

As though Jim had let anything happen. He was young, and betrayed, but Jim knew what Victor was trying to say, probably, so he pushed down his flare of anger. Victor meant well. Jim kept quiet and rested his head against Victor's neck. But no, he definitely hadn't let anything like that happen again. Was paranoid about drinks, and had the slight tendency to accidentally kill someone who pushed to far if there was anything sharp within reach. "Yeah. Really not easy to think of benefits." Though the fact he'd tried at all meant something. "Tragic backstory over, then. I ran away and didn't look back." And then grew up in the crime world, but that was a bit of an obviously. Now Jim was just exhausted from getting bad and then making himself explain things. Worth it, probably, but tiring nonetheless.

"Definitely got the appropriate narrative traditions going on, running away to a life of crime," he suggested, then frowned faintly at his own words, not entirely sure whether that had been terribly insensitive or not. He'd kind of lost his sense of perspective on that kind of thing at some point. "Sorry. Should be being more specific in my phrasing right now, I think." He let out a soft sigh, watching the other man's expression a moment before he continued. "You look dead on your feet, you know. If you'll excuse the slight inappropriateness of phrase." Then again, he knew that this kind of thing could be incredibly exhausting, one way or another.

True. Very true. Jim was a very clichéd villain, which was nice in an odd way. Amusing, at least, enough so that Jim cracked a smile. Although then Victor started apologizing and Jim's smile softened, because Victor apologizing so readily for things really was endearing. So Jim pressed a kiss to Victor's cheek, ill timed as it may be, before settling back down. "Yeah, admittedly I feel a bit drained." Or a lot drained, but that wasn't much more intense than Jim's usual exhaustion. Easily helped, however, by sleep or tea or both. Or maybe just a large amount of snuggles. Sounded like a theory worth testing. Jim tightened his arms around Victor, pulling him closer and giving a soft sigh.

Victor finally managed to relax a little, giving Jim a faintly relieved smile. The smile and the kiss were reassuring, and made Victor more hopeful that it was going to be okay tonight. "Just a bit." He curled around Jim ever so slightly more, still somewhat apprehensive and unsure of the reactions his actions would bring about, though that was knowledge that would only come with time. "I'm glad I came this evening, you know. And not only because I'd have worked myself into a state worrying otherwise. I'm just-- I hope all this was helpful in some way."

Victor had a really lovely tendency to ramble, and it always seems to appear at the most helpful of times. Jim had definitely had calmed down, but he wasn't calm, and Victor talking for longer than strictly necessary wasn't a bad thing by any means. Gave Jim a few extra moments to collect himself for speech. "It was." Jim replied, happy to note the pauses before he spoke weren't as awkward and long as they had been before. "You were." He added. "Thank you, for coming. I..." Am grateful. That sounded lane, and Jim had just said thank you anyway. "Thanks."

He nodded again, just faintly, before shifting to press a quick kiss to the other man's cheek. He withdrew just as quickly afterwards, and spoke instead, which he currently considered quite safe. His rambling actually seemed to be an asset around Jim, too, which was new and quite nice. "It's all good. I'm sure I'll find an appropriate payback at some point, anyway, and then we'll be even." The lilt in his tone suggested he was joking, though really, there was probably an element of truth to it, unfortunately. "Either way. Even if I had to rush all the way here getting weird looks."

Joking was always nice. If it wasn't horribly subtle, because Jim wouldn't be able to detect very subtle at that moment, but he managed with what Victor had said and smiled softly in amusement. "I do apologize for the weird looks. Clearly my fault, as I control everyone." There, teasing back. That was a sign of improvement. And Jim was feeling better, so acting like it was due. He switched to lay on his back, no longer pressed against Victor but looking at him fondly. "You're still to show me how to pronounce that text you sent me in polish, star man."

"Clearly. I presume most people are at your beck and call, after all." Victor moved a little, stretching out some of the tenseness that had quite understandably come on since he had arrived and shifting to a more comfortable position. "Mmh, I do, don't I?" He thought back, taking a moment before he remembered what the hell he had actually been on about, and could repeat it out loud. Slowly, so that Jim could follow more easily than otherwise.

"Well, that is true." Or, at least, Jim could have anyone at his beck and call, if he thought they were worth it. Jim propped himself up on his side again when Victor pronounced the phrase, so he could watch his lips and try to repeat himself. Which Jim did, poorly, but it had definitely been an attempt. Oh well. Jim laid down, on his side again, considering Victor for a moment. Jim really had a lot of questions, most about why Victor came or cared, but ended up just asking, "What does it mean?"

Okay, so maybe Jim's attempt at pronunciation made Victor grin in amusement, but he had been there himself, at one point. "Most people don't even try to pronounce Polish things, seeing them written down. Or even hearing them. At least, in my experience; it's possible I've only met a very specific type of person. I'm impressed." Victor gave him a sidelong glance when he asked what it meant, a faint flush colouring his skin despite his best attempt. "It-- uh. Well. It was me telling you that I was glad you're around. Basically."

 

Impressed? Even Jim had been able to tell how bad his pronunciation was. He gave a grateful smile though, shrugging. "I'm pretty perfect, I know." He replied, grinning slightly. And then Victor was blushing and Jim was horribly confused until he translated, in a rather flustered and cute way, and if Jim wasn't positive it would have killed him he would have sworn his heart melted a bit. He leaned over and brushed his lips over Victor's. "Tá mé áthas orm go bhfuil tú timpeall, freisin."

Well, that only managed to make Victor's skin flush more, even if he only got some of the translation; he'd only managed to pick up snippets of the language over the years, and had never had a reason to learn it more thoroughly. Until now, maybe. "Don't know much Irish at all," he murmured, in quite obvious flustered embarrassment. Unfortunately enough for him, he was almost entirely sure that Jim liked it when he ended up like that, in some way or another. "But I'm going to take that as reciprocation."

Jim hadn't excepted Victor to speak any Irish. No one really did, nowadays, and Jim was more than a little (pleasantly) surprised. "You should, because it was." Jim stole another chaste kiss, pulling back, half leaning over Victor in case of wanting more kisses later, which was hardly unlikely. Victor was rather kissable anyway, and right now he was flustered and blushing which just made him more kissable. "Tá tú tar éis éirí tábhachtach go leor dom." Jim murmured, half hoping Victor wouldn't quite understand.

Victor gave him a mildly mystified look, and shook his head faintly. "I got none of the important words that time." The ones in between? Yeah, fine, but connectives and pronouns didn't really lend much meaning to a sentence without the rest. "I could guess it's complimentary, though." He quirked a smile, his attention utterly centred around Jim. Funny how he could manage to monopolise his attention so fully, and apparently so easily. "It's almost nice. Not to understand. I so often do nowadays."

Jim smiled. "I understand that. Why do you think I try to get you to talk polish to me?" He teased, tempted to kiss Victor again but decided he should probably at least take a short break with kissing. For some reason. That Jim couldn't actually think of, so he leaned down for another kiss, being a horribly hedonistic man. Somehow Jim didn't think Victor would mind. "Tá tú impossibly leor, agus an- tempting, agus ag tosú a bheith mír tóir ar mo áit sásta."

Victor huffed out a low chuckle, pressing back up into the kiss. He far from minded, honestly, and it was wholly reassuring just at the moment. "Did you just call me pretty?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at Jim before propping himself up on an elbow to initiate a kiss in return. It really was becoming a habit that was difficult to break, and one that he really didn't want to anyway. "To znaczy, czy widzieliście siebie?"

Jim really hardly had any choice but to grin against Victor's lips. Firstly because the one part he caught was being called pretty, and then because he'd kissed Jim. Jim couldn't just not smile when both of those things happened in quick succession. Impossible, really, even if he had actually attempted not to. "Maybe. Among other things." Not the highest compliment Jim had given Victor in that sentence, actually. "I really hope that was a rhetorical question, because I have no clue what you just said."

Victor let himself drop unceremoniously back onto the bed, a grin spreading across his expression in return. "'I mean, have you seen yourself?' Quite rhetorical. It's a useful tool, this: even if you could remember what I had said you'd never manage to spell it, so I count myself as pretty safe to say what I'm thinking." Not that he didn't want Jim to know, most of the time. It could all just be quite a lot. "It's less convenient if I wake up from some dream or another in the wrong language. Just you wait; it's quite the experience for everyone."

Ah. As always, the blushing was going back and forth, an now it was Jim's turn to blush, ducking his head down to hide the blush, his forehead resting on Victor's collarbone. After a while of Victor continuing to speak Jim felt at least part of the heat leave his neck and he lifted his head slightly, looking at Victor with amusement. "Mm, I almost look forward to it. Sounds like a Victor-initiation, of sorts." Plus, it's not as though Jim always remembered he was meant to speak in english. "If I get particularly tired I may give up on english. It's my third language."

"Sometimes it's quite amusing. And confusing, because I definitely feel as if whoever I'm with ought to understand perfectly. But then it turns out I'm speaking some bloody far-flung language or other. Still." Admittedly, at other times it was terrible and horrible and really not fun for anyone, but he opted not to mention those times. That was a less pleasant conversation and he'd rather keep on with this one, which he was rather enjoying. "What's the other one, then?" Okay, maybe he sounded terribly curious that time.

"There's always the very slight chance I will understand." Very, very slight. Victor seemed to know at least a bit of most things, and a lot of some things, whereas Jim was fluent in a very few things. If it's worth doing it's worth overdoing, and all. And becoming fluent was rather difficult, so he only knew the three languages. Slowly learning Spanish, though, so maybe four eventually. "French. Lived in France until I ran away, and then I ended up in an older Irish town. Had to learn that language to get anything done, and then I moved to Dublin and learned english."

Victor practically beamed that time, evidently pleased at that news. "Mum was French. Learnt a good deal of it before she died, see, one of the earliest. So there is one we have in common." And yeah, maybe he was a little bit overly enthused about it right now, but that was better than the opposite as far as be was concerned. "And I think I could have maybe guessed that earlier, with the texting, but apparently that slipped my mind somewhat. That does happen."

Victor's excitement had the tendency to be contagious, it seemed, and soon Jim was feeling rather extremely pleased that they shared a language growing up, although he couldn't have told you why. "French and English. We're practically a match made in heaven." Language-heaven, maybe. "I've noticed. Which remind me, your scarf is folded on the kitchen counter, homme d' étoiles."

Victor shot a glance in the direction of the door, and then gave Jim a faux long-suffering look. "That's an awful long way to hop, you know. And your floor is not particularly wheelchair-friendly in here." A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, though, amusement suffusing his expression. "But I suppose I can probably last without the warmth of a scarf if you're here. Probably."

"You are incredibly sweet." Jim replied, punctuating the compliment with a kiss to Victor's cheek. "But I had rather meant for when you leave, since you'll probably be wanting to take it back with you." He added when he pulled back, looking at Victor with a fond amusement. "By which time you may have gotten your leg on, for all we know."

"I will have forgotten by then. Probably. So you'll have to keep on remembering for the moment." Jim was terribly distracting, after all. It was difficult to remember important things when he kept getting kissed, too. "For all we know. These things do tend to happen when I need to be places, after all." He rolled his eyes, sitting up a little again. "How is, of course, a mystery."

"Mm, I don't know, you're a bit distracting. I may forget. Maybe I should kiss you a lot while thinking about it, so that for the rest of the time when I kiss you I'll remember. Then the goodbye kiss will be helpful, as I suddenly remember your poor scarf." Completely logical plan. Completely. Jim moved back when Victor sat up, getting out of the way in case he was moving. "Some sort of half-hour long process? No, wait, I think that was the total time getting ready in the morning. So... fifteen minute long process?"

Victor gave Jim a suspicious look. "I don't know, that sounded quite a lot like a convoluted plan to get to kiss me a lot. Not that I'm complaining, but still." He gave a kind of faint shrug, and tried to convince himself that this was not the point to get shy about the specifics. Apparently, the rest of him didn't agree. "Something like that. Possibly has something to do with me getting distracted, but even so. The socket seals by a vacuum, see, and if you don't do things properly it all goes terribly wrong later."

Jim held a hand over his heart, mouth falling open slightly so he looked insulted. Downright _offended_. As though Jim would kiss Victor at all. Ew. No. "It's a legitimate plan. Has to do with psychology and kissology and some other ology's." And, very impressively he thought, Jim was able to keep a straight face for a few seconds after until he dissolved into giggles, only stopping when he pressed a lingering kiss to Victor's neck. Done only to quiet himself down, of course. "I could see that going terribly wrong later. Vacuums are tricky things."

"I think you might be making up ology's too," Victor accused, but he was just barely suppressing his own laughter by this point. He gave up after another moment and wrapped his arms back around Jim in a brief embrace as he tried to stop himself from entirely dissolving into an irreprable fit of laughter. That just wouldn't do. He did kind of manage to calm down, though, so long as he didn't think of Jim's affronted expression. "Anyway. It's all very technical and definitely not about making sure there's a proper seal and that I don't give myself blisters. With fancy liners and lotion. Very technical, and not at all for the eyes of laymen, obviously."

Jim slipped his arms to wrap around the back of Victor's neck, with Victor's arms around him it was either that or awkwardly let his arms get crushed a bit. And besides, Jim wasn't exactly opposed to the position, anyway. "I did not. I can prove I've studied kissology." He declared, and maybe it was just bait so that Victor would challenge Jim's 'proof' and then Jim would have a perfectly understandable reason to kiss him. Maybe. "Does sound complicated, at the least. Did you bring everything with you?" Otherwise the previously mentioned horribly wrong things could happen, and Jim wasn't a fan of that idea. 

Victor raised his eyebrows briefly, questioningly. "Have you just? A very in depth subject, is it?" Victor traced his fingers distractedly across Jim's skin, a habit that was perhaps somewhat nervous and a little embarrassed this time, as he nodded his answer to that last question. "Yeah. I mean-- yeah." It had seemed like the obvious thing to do, what with the rushing and lack of time to do it at home. His expression turned apologetic, which he felt was rather bad timing, because it really wasn't the moment for all this. But it was bound to happen sooner or later. "Don't mind me. I'm being silly. Please disregard all silly things I say in relation to this, because I have a huge propensity to. Still."

Jim had, in fact, been entirely prepared to start a minor make out session that involved lots of murmured compliments, at least on his side, probably not in english, and was even about to when Victor suddenly seemed nervous about something. So Jim stopped and pulled back, looking over Victor with some mild concern. It was clear Jim had done something wrong-- maybe asked the wrong thing? Mentioned something that made Victor uncomfortable? "Vic, I don't have anything silly to disregard." Jim moved a hand to lay on Victor's chest-- in case he made Victor feel more uncomfortable or something did go wrong, Jim would be able to feel it in his heartbeat. Same if things got better. "What's wrong?"

"No, it's fine, it's just--" Victor grimaced a little and cut off the sentence half way through, unsure how to explain. He'd really ballsed this one up, so far, and there was no sign he was going to be much better as it when he continued. Damn. "Some things are maybe still a bit... weird, for me. I mean. I don't even usually--" He fell silent for another moment, only managing to feel that he was embarrassing himself further, which really didn't help at all. "Even being here is kind of unusual. Like this, I mean. With someone I actually-- christ, the more I talk, the less clear this is probably becoming."

Jim silently lowered himself down more, laying next to Victor. Didn't feel like the time to be hovering over him, probably wouldn't help with the apparent nervousness and insecurity thing. Jim wasn't entirely sure what Victor was being insecure about, though. Last time his leg had been brought up Victor had enthusiastically explained things. Jim didn't really understand how this was different. He was listening, of course, and trying to figure out how best to comfort Victor but Victor wasn't quite finishing his thoughts so Jim was still a bit lost. "It's alright. I haven't minded before, I promise I won't start now. Take however long you need, if you want to try to explain again." And while Jim definitely did want Victor to try to explain again, he didn't want to make Victor, so he made sure to include the 'if'.

"Yes, well. I'm very lucky that someone around here doesn't actually mind me rambling horribly." Victor sighed in evident frustration with his own failure to adequately explain. "It's different. Different from explaining and showing when it's about the prosthetic and not the part of it that's still me. Some things about all this are still so-- so fucking vulnerable." He made a vague gesture with one hand, his gaze dropped to a spot at the end of the bed. "So I get-- I don't know. Insecure. I love the technology part, enjoy explaining that, but the rest can be a little less nice for me or anyone else sometimes and, I guess, that's one of those things. Putting it on, that process and I have to pay attention and-- and it's an odd between-time. I know it doesn't really make proper sense, but I did say it was silly."

Admittedly, the swear had taken Jim off guard. It did tell Jim how frustrated Victor was with the whole thing, but... he had to suppress any sort of physical reaction to it so Victor could keep talking about himself on not worry about something silly like Jim not excepting a vulgarity. Jim hesitantly shifted closer, lightly wrapping his arms around Victor's torso. He didn't want Victor to feel constrained, but he didn't want Victor to feel alone at all either. Hard things to balance. "It makes sense." Between-time made sense. Jim got what Victor meant by that, at least, and that was something Victor had managed to properly convey so maybe that would help calm it down. "It's hard. Doing that everyday." And Jim didn't really know how to help, either, from that angle. "Anything you want, Victor, je vais vous donner."

Victor leant faintly into the embrace, staying quiet for a few longer moments, partly to avoid saying anything else unbearably ridiculous. "I'm just frustrated," he said eventually, more quietly. "I just get annoyed at myself. It's not a big deal." And compared to other things, it really wasn't; it was something he generally coped with fine, it was just the fact that there was someone new and he hadn't had to deal with it like this before that had brought it to the surface. He hadn't realised himself that it would, quite this acutely, at the mere thought of dealing with it with someone else near. "You'd think after this long I would have gotten over it, honestly. Lost the damn fear and insecurity of it all. I ought to have." He considered a moment, before continuing. "I know it doesn't usually work how it ought to."

Okay, he didn't move away, so this was fine. Jim relaxed a bit more and pressed a featherlight kiss to Victor's jaw while he spoke. "Forget ought to. Ought to is the same as statistics, and I will not have someone as amazing as you boiled down into a statistic." Jim hadn't said it harshly, of course, because that probably wouldn't help so it had said it rather softly. But sternly. The quiet, soft helping that Victor provided-- and was rather perfect for Jim-- wasn't something Jim could really do. Jim sighed, pressing another soft kiss to Victor's jaw before moving back a bit. "You can be frustrated, Vic. You can be insecure and scared, and that's fine. You haven't 'ought to' have gotten over it by now. You're moving past it. You're improving. And that's fine, star man." Jim chanced a soft smile. "You're fine."

Honestly,Victor wasn't sure what to say in response to that. Any of it. It was very close to precisely what he had needed to hear, and even if he was aware it didn't technically change anything and he was still going to have to deal with the problems that came with such intimacy at some point, it felt better for the moment. He was still in a position where Jim was the first person who mattered to see him this vulnerable in so long (or, if he thought about it, the first important person since Sherlock to even be around him when he wasn't using the prosthetic), and he was still horribly conflicted over the whole thing, but they both had their hang-ups of all kinds and this was just one he'd work with. In the end, he didn't bother answering verbally, instead shifting his position so he could catch Jim in a kiss of thanks and apology.

Oh thank god. Jim was half convinced, with the pause, that he'd made everything infinitely worse. That stern wasn't what helped Victor and he needed the same thing he gave, the gentle words of encouragement, and that because Jim wasn't good at that everything would go horribly wrong. But Victor was kissing him, and it felt like a grateful kiss at least, so of course Jim kissed back (perhaps accompanied by a quiet, relieved sigh). And, because they'd both talked about looking forward to it, Jim raised his hand and carded it thought Victor's hair. Because, really, this hadn't changed things. Well, of course it had, there was definitely a new feeling of vulnerability and closeness that Jim felt and that he assumed Victor reciprocated, but the good things from before could stay. The flirting and hair carding and kissing. Jim wanted to show that, and he'd never been very good at subtle.

It didn't take long, and the sensation of Jim's fingers in his hair certainly helped, for Victor to mostly relax into it again, and calm down considerably. (The 'mostly' came from the fact he was still hypervigilant of his positioning, as if reminding Jim through touch that he was currently sporting just the one leg would be the end of the world. Even though he didn't much object when it was just words doing the reminding. He had decided it didn't have to make sense, but this time, it was perhaps exacerbated by the fact Jim hadn't felt or seen properly yet.) He curled himself lightly around Jim, one hand at his waist, and when he finally broke the kiss it was only to drop a little and press one at the side of the other man's neck. "Told you we'd work things out fine. Different context, but still applies." They'd done well at it tonight, honestly.

Jim smiled and tilted his head to the side. Which, honestly, did take a bit of willpower because it was one of those things he'd didn't particularly like doing, fundamentally, but it was also one of those things he felt comfortable doing with Victor. So the willpower was more to break the habit than anything, exposing a vulnerable part of himself. "Yeah. I think this counts as fine, if not actually good, all things considered." There was warmth and kissing and those two things were definitely good independently, and then there had also been quite a bit of comfort where they'd worked out what did and didn't work and that'd be helpful in the future. Jim laid his hand on the nape of Victor's neck, toying idly with the hair there. "La nuit est mieux que je l'ai eu dans un certain temps." He admitted.

"Moi aussi," Victor murmured, pressing a kiss to the line of Jim's jaw before pulling back enough to catch his expression. Just to check, because he was a little all over the place and unsure, but quite aware there was still a need for care and he knew far less than he'd like to in that respect. But time and experience was the key, again, with that. "Beaucoup plus honnête que je avais l'intention, honnêtement. Even taking into consideration the circumstances-- I didn't quite anticipate all this." He looked a little sheepish for a moment before leaning forward to steal another quicker kiss. "Let's try to keep it nice for a while this time, shall we?"

Ha, true. "Ouais. Je ne prévoyais pas à vous dire ce qui est arrivé. Or, at least, not all of it." Jim sighed, sending Victor a smile when he looked worried and returning the kiss. "Sounds like a good plan, yeah." He chuckled lightly, shifting closer again and draping an arm over Victor's waist. "Speaking of making things nice, I think I still have to prove my degree in kissology?" Jim gave a teasing grin, moving his hand to cup Victor's jaw, quirking an eyebrow. "Hard for things to get too angsty when you're busy kissing, don't you think?"

Well, at least the incidental honesty was reciprocal; it made it feel a little more okay. Secrets were generally less terrifying to tell when you weren't the only one, after all, even if they didn't really match up in significance. "I think that's probably part of your degree," he said as way of a reply. "You know, knowing the many uses of kissology. Such as avoiding terrible and sudden devolvement into a another sad moment." He met Jim's gaze, his smile reappearing. "But I think you should most definitely prove it."

"One of my best skills, avoiding sad moments with kissing." Jim agreed, and that was probably enough talking for now, after all the very dramatic talking, so Jim pulled Victor closer to press their lips together. He may not, necessarily, generally be the best at comforting or explaining, but he was relatively sure kissing with something he was at least pretty good at. And this was a chance to show off. Jim caught Victor's bottom lip between his teeth, pulling off teasingly before ducking down to press a soft kiss to Victor's neck, kissing up his throat before sealing his lips to Victor's again. Careful to watch for reactions, of course, because neither of them were back to being completely fine.

It was as easy as he had hoped to let himself concentrate on sensation, let himself get a little lost in that, allow his only other consideration to be Jim. He exhaled little shuddering breath at the kisses against his neck, but a good one-- it was all muscle memory and far too long between times, and his fingers stayed flutteringly gentle with a touch of apprehension lingering, though the supposed confidence in his movement went some way to disguising it. And god, Jim was damn good if he was any judge, and it was the most appropriate distraction he could have hoped for.

There was, admittedly, a rather strong temptation in the breathy sounds Victor was making. They were the type of thing that made Jim want to do little more than push harder. And he was sure he was letting out a few of his own-- the whole Victor existing must have been coaxing some soft sighs of contentment from Jim between kisses. But there was also a line Jim had decided to not cross tonight; namely, that all clothes would stay on and that all hands would stay above clothes. Something felt off about it being otherwise. Jim gave one last, lingering kiss before pulling away and settling down, a small smile on his face. 

Okay, so maybe when Jim finally pulled back Victor was flushed and a little breathless, and all in all, quite flustered. But he could hardly complain when Jim was involved, right at the moment. "Have I ever told you that you're a bastard?" He asked, quite innocently, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth despite himself. "In the nicest of ways, of course." Still, he had relaxed considerably by now, and it was exceedingly good. Just this was fine, and just what he had needed. Or one of the best possibilities at least.

Jim immediately grinned-- he'd definitely been told that before in general, but somehow he got the feeling it wasn't quite as cutting from Victor as others attempted it to be. "Nice bastard." Jim mused, tilting his head in consideration. "You know, somehow, I think I can live with that." He decided, leaning up a bit for a soft kiss. "Sounds like the type of thing you'll forgive me for, star man." And this was definitely them back to being relaxed, which Jim had admittedly missed.

Victors gave a low hum of supposed consideration, though the obvious affection in his actions rather spoilt the effect. "You are my favourite bastard," he admitted, and pressed another faint kiss to the skin at Jim's jaw. "So I suppose it might be okay. I might just forgive it, since you're my very and actual favourite." He mentally chided himself for being so damn sentimental, which was silly, because he wasn't even sure Jim objected to sentimentality. That was from before.

Jim might have been able to hold one back at Victor's first declaration, but when he went on about Jim bring his favorite, Jim really couldn't help it-- he blushed. Which, of course, also led to some vague mumbling about that being nonsense, but it didn't really have Jim's heart behind it. Just a small habit of denying compliments, in closer moments. Jim slipped an arm around Victor's waist, pulling him closer and curling up against him a bit. "Vous êtes mon préféré, ainsi." He murmured.

Victor leant into the touch, pressing just a little closer to the other man. The statement had made him fall quite silent for a few long moments, though there was nothing in his posture or reactions that suggested it was a bad thing. Eventually, he tipped his head towards Jim a little more, a mildly sheepish smiling colouring his expression. "I'm still not entirely sure how that happened. Or any of it. But I don't mind; unlike some people, I don't need a perfectly logical explanation for everything that happens when it comes to other people." Another little silence, short this time, before he added: "You're making me sleepy, by the way. It's awful."

Ha, sounded like Victor'd had a type of Sherlock of his own, at one point. That he was a bit bitter about, possibly. Although Jim didn't really feel the need to reply, because it wasn't as though he really had anything to add. Clearly, Jim hadn't expected this to happen either. He'd expected, if anything, to have a normal business relationship with Victor-- maybe a bit of sex thrown in, depending. But hardly this vulnerable caring things. Jim laid his head against Victor's chest, stifling a yawn. "You're making me sleepy too, though."

Victor gave a mock affronted gasp. "I would never do something like that. I can't believe you would think /I/, of all people, would do something like that." He ducked his head to press a kiss to Jim's cheek, though. "Though I do suppose, if went _both_ sleepy, there could be some merit to the idea of actually going to sleep." Which, honestly, he felt more okay about doing than he had in a while. It was a little strange to say that he felt safer here than he usually did home alone, all things considered, but that was the reality of it. His general paranoia had eased off a little in that respect, for the moment. "It generally helps with exhaustion, too."

Well, Jim found sleep only helped his usual feelings of exhaustion for a little while. If it did at all. But sleeping itself was nice anyway, and Victor had so far kept away any nightmares. And was warm. So maybe sleep wasn't a bad idea at all. "Hm. That sounds oddly reasonable. Are you feeling alright?" Jim faked some concern, placing a hand to Victor's forehead before breaking the facade by smiling in amusement and giggling lightly. Alright, so maybe Victor did offer reasonable plans sometimes, but so far coming up with completely reasonable plans had been Jim's job.

Victor nudged Jim lightly in the side as retaliation, though he couldn't keep the amusement from his expression even if he tried. "Very rude, Jim. Very rude indeed. I am an utterly reasonable person." Okay, so that was a blatant and utter lie, but his fleeting grin rather gave that part away by itself. "I'm the kind of reasonable person who may also point out that I did not anticipate this, and have therefore not factored 'comfort for sleeping in' into my clothing choices for this evening." Oh well. It wasn't as if it was the first time, or the worst choice. "But I am also a brilliantly resilient person who will survive all mildly uncomfortable seam-related hardships. You're very lucky there."

Jim might not have expected the caring thing initially, when he had just noticed Victor, but it was becoming rather clear that caring would have happened eventually, if they had ever spent time together, because Victor was near constantly endearing and wonderful. Admittedly, even more so right now than usual, which might have been what caused the thought in the first place. In any case, Jim decided he could bend the rules regarding the decision he'd made earlier, because they're point hadn't been to make Victor uncomfortable while sleeping. "While that is very impressive-- and I am basking in just how lucky I am-- I won't pounce on you if you're not fully dressed, you know. You don't actually have to sleep in all that." Jim'd offer to let Victor borrow some of his nightclothes, but there was a bit too much of a size difference.

"Effort, though." Okay, so maybe in all honesty that wasn't the entire reason, but still. Part of the reasoning behind it all was still something he was working on, and maybe had been getting better with before the Roof Incident he was not going to get caught up thinking about, especially when he was feeling so okay. It was all a matter of exposure, one way or another. "Still, I will admire your wonderful self control, in that case. I mean, who wouldn't jump me?" Yep, cover up raging insecurity with humour and faux cockiness, perfect plan. Totally not transparent. Still, this past would be fine, he was sure; it always has been before, with Sherlock, so-- he aborted that train of thought. "S'okay. I have a plan."

Jim chuckled lightly, before making himself look serious and giving a stern nod. "It'd be very hard for me, of course, forcing myself to not try and seduce you. But I think worth it for the sake of cuddles and sleep." And nothing until a certain point felt off, honestly, and that could have just been because Jim was feeling tired, but Victor mentioning having a plan did feel a bit off. Jim raised an eyebrow, sending Victor a mildly confused look. "A plan?" Wasn't the current plan just sleeping? Maybe Victor was talking about what to do the next day? 

"It's an incredibly short term which involves the removal of jeans and the keeping of my t-shirt," Victor answered, aware that maybe he had made that sound a bit overly dramatic. He kept talking, though, because it generally seemed a good idea in terms of warning, and giving himself just a little time to not be silly. It was maybe something to do with the slight humour thing again. "One has to plan these things, you know. Because you know how unfortunately difficult it is to get trousers off without standing up and almost falling over while accidentally turning them inside out? That becomes even _more_ unfortunately difficult when trying to balance on one leg. But the thing about jeans is that they're _incredibly_ uncomfortable for sleeping in, so. It's probably worth it." He gave him a quick, reassuring smile; it really would be fine.

Well, that counted as a plan, if not ad dramatic as Jim had expected. Although, that plan meant that Jim would have to unwrap himself from Victor, and he honestly wasn't too keen on that idea. But he himself had to get changed, because last time he didn't and ended up being rather uncomfortable for a while after waking. So after a groan of disapproval, Jim pulled away reluctantly. "Fine, fine. But I demand extra snuggles once we return to bed." He replied, ponder questioning why Victor would keep his shirt on but deciding against it for now. He could ask tomorrow, tonight Jim thought there had been enough sad moments, and didn't want to risk the possibility of another. Jim slipped out of bed, going to his wardrobe and taking out pajamas to change into.

"I think I can probably manage extra snuggles," Victor agreed, feeling maybe just a little bereft when Jim finally did actually let go of him. He shifted to the edge of the bed to stand, close enough to the wall that he could just lean his shoulder against it to keep his balance while he dropped his jeans, before sitting again to kick them off with relative ease. Very efficiently done, if he said so himself. He shrugged off the jacket he'd not bothered to remove when he arrived, dropping it down next to the trousers. Just the one worrying part where Jim would see the stump left, then, which he was convincing himself _really_ wasn't that worrying. It had all been fine so far, after all, it was more that he'd managed to put himself on edge earlier.

Jim smiled, he was rather hoping Victor wouldn't mind Jim's condition. He slipped off his shirt and trousers, pulling on his pajamas afterwards before returning to bed, lying down next to Victor and slipping an arm around his waist. "Am I making breakfast again tomorrow, then?" Not very high on the list of horrible things, but Jim was hoping that he'd get to taste some of Victor's cooking. But Jim imagined that Victor wouldn't want to put on his prosthetic with Jim around, and it couldn't be easy to cook in a wheelchair. Possible, probably, but not advisable. And Jim was also hoping Victor wouldn't duck out under the cover of night, and because maybe Jim wasn't entirely confident he was worth sticking around for and breakfast was probably a nice incentive. 

Victor shifted back towards Jim, pressing close to him with a relieving kind of ease. "I've got to say that your breakfast was very good last time," he admitted, pretending to consider for another moment. "I think I could probably stand to experience it again." He relaxed a little more, pressing a brief kiss to Jim's cheek before continuing to speak. "I'll cook you dinner some time, as thanks. Two breakfasts definitely ought to equal a dinner, right? Proper real world maths, that is." He was, honestly, still considering the possibility of slipping out to put on his prosthetic at some early hour of the morning, but that depended on a lot of factors, and besides his own dislike of inability there was not much of a good reason. And that kind of thing tended to freak out bed partners a bit, if you disappeared off unexplained, even if you didn't technically leave.

Ah, now that sounded like a fair plan. And promised a nice ending to a day, at some point, getting made dinner and likely spending the rest of the day together. That really did sound like a lovely way to spend an evening, honestly, so Jim felt himself nodding sleepily. "Alright, that sounds more than fair. I'll hold you to that, you know." Jim snuggled closer, placing a kiss on Victor's neck before giving a deep sigh of contentment. Victor's existence was really just seeming to become nicer as time went on, and maybe with Victor around as often as he was wouldn't be completely horrible. Far more tolerable than it had been for a long while, at least. "Night, star man. Sweet dreams."

Victor flushed a little, dropping one more kiss to Jim's skin as thanks. "Go to sleep, darling," he murmured in return, fondness colouring his tone. "Sleep well." Okay, now he felt soppy as all hell and hadn't quite gotten out of the habit of internally cringing when that happened, even though he really _did_ like it. He finally closed his eyes, still ever so close to Jim, and almost sure that he might actually manage a good night's sleep.

And a sort of warmth spread over Jim's skin at Victor's murmur, maybe especially at the 'darling' part, so Jim ended up drifting off to sleep with a slight blush colouring his skin. Really, he wouldn't have even been that surprised because honestly, he blushed far more than usual around Victor, especially when they were close, and so the chances of Victor making Jim blush right before sleep wasn't that low. Jim's only two options while sleeping were either nightmares or nothing, so Jim fell into a thankfully dreamless sleep, at least at the start of the night.

There had to be something about companionship and the grounding nature of it, because Victor's sleep was good by anyone's standards, especially his own. Or perhaps it was the exhaustion of the day before, emotional and physical, that meant his own sleep was relatively uneventful. Undisturbed by his own internal troubles, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one day??? im avoiding moving to make tea


	12. The Horrors We Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. Jim has a nightmare.

Really, Jim probably should have warned that his chances of having a nightmare would be higher, because of the general remembrance of the event that'd happened that day. Or maybe that he had nightmares at all. In any case him waking up from nightmares wasn't exactly subtle. At the least, he didn't wake up hurting Victor, which he'd done once or twice to bed mates by accident. Although he supposed waking up practically hyperventilating on the edge of the bed wasn't great.

It wasn't the best way to be woken up, really, but it was neither the first time Victor had been woken like that, nor could he even think of objecting when he would much rather be woken and able to attempt to help than otherwise. And at least he had some idea of what not to do, after earlier. He shifted himself carefully to sit on the edge of the bed next to Jim, and slipped back into that same low, soothing tone as before. "Breathe, love. Let's slow it down a bit, hm? Take your time, yeah, but it's okay. It wasn't real, you're safe here."

And things had been going so well. Jim swallowed, opening his mouth to talk but that didn't seem to quite work so he closed it with a tired sigh, drawing his legs up and wrapping his arms around them. Right. He half hoped that Victor would wrap his arms around Jim, but also knew that would end terribly. All he had to do was find his voice to tell Victor to go back to sleep. Then he could make himself some tea, or something, and calm himself down. Jim shifted a bit further away from Victor-- although he felt bad, he couldn't help it. Victor was too close.

Victor studied Jim's expression for a moment in the darkness, before deciding to ask the more simple kind of question which could be answered with a nod or shake of the head. "Would you like me to leave you alone for a while?" It seemed that maybe alone was more what Jim was after, right now, or at least not being close, and that was fine. Whatever he needed would be fine, and Victor wasn't one to question why when it came to these things. He could worry about that later.

Okay, well, that had a complex answer. No, Jim didn't really want Victor to leave, but he didn't want him so close or looking at Jim or really anything that would count as conscious. Just. There. But not really noticing anything. But considering that was entirely impossible, and Jim had stayed still thinking for longer than was comfortable, he gave a short nod. _Sorry._ "But don't... _leave_ leave. Please." After Jim got fine again he didn't fancy the thought of being alone.

"Okay." He gave him a little nod of confirmation, before moving back to the other side of the bed. He wasn't entirely sure where he really ought to be, and there was no way he was going to manage to go back to sleep even if that was the best option. In the end he decided that it would be easier if he went and found his notebook he was pretty sure was with the things he had left on the coffee table when he arrived, because there were things he wanted to look over in there and it seemed like a better idea to get himself out of Jim's way right at the moment. Kind of. He was still pretty unsure. "I'm going to be in the other room, where I left my stuff." He felt he had to say, just in case it wasn't okay. He didn't want to prolong this too long, but it was a difficult balance, so he leant off the edge of the bed to bring the wheelchair close enough to move himself into it while he waited to see if an objection would come.

That was a good plan, Jim decided. Victor would be available but not close, not here to witness Jim when he inevitably broke down, but there after. Good. There was a certain level of vulnerability Jim wasn't comfortable showing Victor-- granted, the cutoff was a very high level, but it was being hit now. Or, soon. Victor hadn't actually seen Jim cry, and Jim didn't fancy the though of having him, and he had the strong tendency to do so after a nightmare like that one. So, yeah, Victor in another room. Good idea. Jim gave a nod, trying to stay relatively still and quiet until Victor left.

The confirmation was enough for Victor to speed his movements, shifting himself quickly into the wheelchair and leaning down to grab his jacket from the floor before leaving. Okay, so maybe he was horribly worried and would be trying not to listen in while at the same time not being able to prevent himself from listening out for anything that was too bad, but it was still the best option he could see. He found his notebook and somewhere to park the chair near a lamp, flicking through the pages distractedly and completely failing to concentrate.

Jim breathed out a sigh when the door closed behind Victor-- some worry gone, then, and Jim was able to relax at least a little bit, if not enough to actually be noticeable. He buried his head in his arms, fighting off the sting in his eyes, but quickly realized that was pointless and Victor was gone, anyway, so Jim slipped under the blankets and pulled them over his head, pressing his face into the pillow and at least holding back any actual sobs. Thankfully, Jim had mastered the art of crying quietly.

Victor felt that really, he should make practical use of the time. But he wasn't sure much there was, which ruled out donning his prosthetic, despite the fact he was pretty sure it would be a good idea right now and he would be much more helpful if he could actually walk, but he felt nowhere near comfortable enough doing it here anyway. In the end he ended up flicking through the most recent half-poems he'd put down on paper as a distraction, holding his pencil in his mouth and changing a few choice words. He didn't manage much more through his preoccupation, and really, it probably just counted as waiting.

Alright, Jim could tell when he was approaching the doing stupid things level. On one hand, he could stay quiet and fight it off, then calm down and go back to Victor like nothing happened. But he was about as good fighting that off as tears. Other choice, be around Victor in some way and see if that helps. But then Victor would see Jim when he was actually bad and that could end horribly. Both could end horribly. Jim took a deep breath before going into the on-suite bathroom and quickly straightening himself out, then slowly walking out to the living room, bringing up his gaze to Victor, then gesturing to his lap vaguely. "Do you mind if I...?" Victor'd mentioned being okay with it before.

He glanced up quickly, giving Jim a quick once-over that was deliberately not too close to scrutinisation, before leaning over to put down the pencil and paper and nodding. "'Course. You may have to give me pointers as to what's okay with you right now, though." He could see that things weren't good, to say the least, but he was hoping that if Jim was out here rather than alone in there, he thought it might help in some small way, or was at least considering that as a possibility. Even more, he hoped that he'd be able to surpass just barely helping, though he wasn't sure how realistic that was.

Jim slipped onto Victor's lap, wrapping his arms around the back of Victor's neck and resting his forehead on Victor's shoulder. He blinked a few times, worried that he was going to start crying again. "Um. Sudden things aren't great. Or touching my wrists at all." Everything else was sort of obvious, he supposed. Or, at least not horrible. Except the pretty thing, but Jim was pretty sure he'd already mentioned that to Victor, in some way. Hopefully he could work out not to say it now on his own.

"Okay." That information combined with what he knew already ought to be enough to get by without causing anything too bad to happen, he thought. He kept still for a few long moments anyway, unsure whether Jim would want reciprocation of touch just at the moment, and even so, he felt it best to keep things slow. He wasn't sure whether he ought to be distracting or just quiet, either, and trying to work out that dilemma only resulted in him being quiet for a while longer. 

Okay. Alright. Jim wasn't entirely sure how he was meant to behave-- or even what he wanted Victor to be doing-- which might have been the downside to dealing on one's own for so long. Other people were factored in and sudden Jim was left rather confused, which wasn't how he wanted to feel ontop of the general fear and such. So while Victor stayed quiet Jim didn't ask him to do anything, or even really move to show he wanted Victor to do anything, just mostly awkwardly held onto him and focused on keeping his breathing even.

Victor did eventually speak, mostly because he really wasn't very good at being quiet in situations like this, especially if he felt awkward. "Y'know, it occurs that I'm probably not actually the most comfortable person in the world to sit on. Colour me impressed at anyone actually wanting to." Admittedly, he was just speaking his thoughts aloud, but if he didn't speak he wouldn't find out how it would be received, and he'd continue to have no idea whether it was a good idea or not. "But then again, I'm not an expert. Me sitting on other people happens even less."

Admittedly, when Victor first spoke Jim tensed. Taken over by the irrational notion he was going to say something cutting and painful, possibly reveal he was here to take Jim back to that place, but calmed down when Victor instead starting talking about comfortability in relation to himself and others. Right. Victor was fine, and definitely not evil or distrust worthy (probably maybe definitely) and so it was fine, this was fine. Him talking was fine, even a bit soothing after Jim killed a bit of his temporary paranoia. "I'm a bit short to sit on." Jim murmured. "Or I'd offer, later."

Victor didn't miss the fact that Jim tensed, but he did seem to relax again afterwards, so he was hoping it was probably okay. And he did respond, so it surely couldn't have been that bad. "I'm a bit heavy to sit on people anyway," he answered, still ever so softly. "It's all that running around in obscure countries doing silly things I seem to have kept doing over the years. Otherwise I'd totally accept the theoretical yet technically unmade offer. M'sure you'd be very good at it anyway."

Jim managed an unforced soft smile, which was definitely an improvement. Victor was sure Jim'd make a very good... chair, he supposed. Cuddly chair, maybe. He gave a weak laugh at that thought, shifting into what he hoped was a less pathetic position, curled up a bit on Victor's lap and leaning against his chest, instead of clinging onto him. Was that an improvement? Hopefully. "You're very comfortable, if it helps." Jim paused a moment, and then hesitantly, "Sorry for ruining the happy mood."

Victor carefully, if still hesitantly, slipped an arm around Jim in return. He had to shift a bit too, because although it had been decided he was comfortable for sitting on, the being sat on part wasn't always one hundred percent so. Definitely worth it, though. "I'm glad you think I'm comfortable." He shook his head faintly, and gave a tiny smile that was still a little tinged with melancholy. "Don't worry about it, really. It's not as if you could have helped that to start with, and it's not really ruined anyway. I feel that ruined implies there's no way to salvage it, and this could be more accurately referred to as a... temporary setback. Yeah. One of them."

Temporary setback. Jim could deal with that. There were lots of temporary setbacks in life, one more wasn't the end of the world. That was fine. Why was Victor so good at this? He seemed to be nothing but patient and helpful. And Jim was just... not. The fact that Victor had expressed interest in seeing him again after tonight was a miracle in and of itself. "Okay. That works. We can go back to being happy by tomorrow then, unless there's another setback." From either of them really-- although if it was one by Jim again by tomorrow he may get more annoyed then he already was.

Victor gave him a brighter smile, and nodded his agreement. "We can indeed. And dawn's can be wonderfully symbolic in that sense, and therefore quite helpful with the general feeling of starting over. Symbols can be terribly powerful in the human psyche." Okay, rambly again. "And I'm sure there will be setbacks in the future-- I mean, I've completely failed to have a properly dramatic episode in the past few days, really not living up to my reputation among people I'm close to --but they're just that. Always. Time moves relentlessly onwards, whether we like it or not, and that can be good for some things."

"Nice way of putting it." Jim commented. Really though, considering the general turmoil that had gone on recently, Jim's vocabulary was all but completely dead at this point. He was impressed that Victor was managing to put things so eloquently at the moment. And focusing on Victor's eloquence wasn't focusing on the nightmare, so it was a good thing to focus on. "You could talk more in polish. If you want." There was something particularly soothing about listening to a language one didn't understand, after all.

Victor had to admit that so far, he was quite proud of how he had been able to put things-- well, that was, when it came to things not so related to himself. But he'd got as close as he could to perfecting the art of keeping level-headed and reasonable in situations like this years ago, which really did help with it, and over the years had developed a kind of bank of ideas that were sometimes vaguely helpful when it came to bad moments. "Więcej Polski jest, następnie. Dla Ciebie." I mean, technically, he could have said anything and Jim wouldn't have known the difference, but he did generally take care to make sense.

"No clue what you just said." Jim murmured, in a rather more tired and content voice than he'd used since he'd woken up. "Don't tell me, though." It'd ruined the mystery of it all, and then Victor would have to translate to english which meant he'd talk in english, and that wouldn't be nearly as nice. Because that meant Jim'd have to process what he'd said, and think, and really he wasn't really in the mood for that right now. Victor's voice in a different language made very soothing white noise. Jim let his eyes fall shut, taking slow breaths. Maybe it was better to have someone there after a nightmare. Maybe.

"Zaczynam myśleć, że mogę być znowu w miłości. To wszystko czuje się trochę jak to miało miejsce wcześniej," Victor continued, closing his eyes too, speaking softly and quickly, and safely. It was wonderfully safe, speaking in a language that Jim didn't understand, and maybe Victor had a little bit of a need to put his thoughts down in words or writing, for no one but himself to know about. So. Apparently the time was going to be now, and maybe it was selfish, but maybe not when he didn't know. It was fine. "Jesteś tak ważne. Tyle ważne martwić. To, co sprawia, że jestem trochę przerażony pozwolić widzisz mnie bez mojej nodze, przypuszczam. I może nie obchodzi, co o tym myśleć obcy, ale dbam o to, co myślisz. Nawet jeśli jest to paranoidalne." 

It sounded nice. Victor sounded like he was talking about something nice, at least, and the words themselves must have been formed well because they sounded gorgeous, and were successfully lulling Jim back to sleep. He probably would have fell back asleep there, curled up on Victor, except that a small part of his mind reminded him it would be extremely difficult for Victor to get them both back to bed. So he stirred just before going completely out, blinking his eyes and rolling his shoulders back, unable to stifle a yawn. "Vous avez une voix cruelle. Me rend détendue." He murmured, leaning up to press a soft kiss to Victor's jaw. "Nous devrions revenir au lit." Jim sighed. The bed was so terribly far away, though, and Victor was really warm and Jim felt far more safe than he had in a long time.

Victor let out a soft laugh, leaning to drop a kiss to Jim's skin. "Yes, well. I knew there was an upside to the wheelchair after all." He was only half joking, honestly, because he wasn't sure Jim was actually awake enough for most of this right now. It was really very endearing, though, he had to admit. "C'mon, then. It'll be even warmer back over there. Soit c'est le moment de se lever, ou vous aurez à promettre de ne pas tomber quand je bouge."

Hm. Both of those options sounded like they required effort. But one of them also sounded like the effort could also be considered an excuse to hold Victor tightly, and honestly that didn't sound horrible, so Jim decided he could deal with it. "Je promets." He replied, slipping an arm around Victor's waist and hugging him as tightly as a half-asleep person who was only putting in as much effort needed to not fall off could manage. 

Well, he had the promise and he wasn't exactly planning on going very fast, so they'd probably be okay. He twisted to flick off the brake before somewhat experimentally pushing them forwards a little, careful not to disturb Jim's position too much. Encouraged by the fact that they didn't immediately break the chair he continued, admittedly with far more effort (and care, for that matter) than he'd usually need. Still, it got them all the way back to the bedroom, so it had to be good.

Jim got dangerously close to falling asleep again, the need to hold onto Victor probably the only thing that stopped him from doing so completely. Stopping made his regain awareness a bit more, that tragic moment when Jim had to temporarily let go of Victor. Jim did, because it meant they could go back to sleep properly, and slipped off Victor and onto the bed, blinking a few times. "Serait-il plus facile avec ou sans mon aide?" 

That could have definitely gone worse, Victor decided. In fact, as trips went, it had gone rather well, and most importantly, Jim had survived. Victor gave him a faint smile at the question, considering for a half moment before he answered. "Juste me prêter un coup de main, ouais?" He held out a hand towards the other man; it would help a little with his balance, but Jim wouldn't really have to do anything.

Jim nodded, taking Victor's hand, and stifling another yawn. He'd probably woken up in the middle of a sleep cycle, knowing his luck. Still, he made sure that his helping hand wouldn't be completely useless and waked himself up a bit to keep it steady so Victor actually could use it as support. "If you do fall-- which I'm not expecting you to-- try to fall onto me. More romantic."

Victor huffed out a soft laugh, giving Jim a terribly fond look before he moved to stand, still rather carefully. "Maybe I'll frantically squash you some other time," he answered, shifting on the spot until he could drop himself down on the edge of the bed. Okay, so it wasn't graceful, but it was hard to sit down gracefully with only the power of one leg to do it. "I'm not one hundred percent sure about the romance of it."

Jim shrugged. "I'm tired. I just realized I wasn't speaking English." Hence the change. Jim gave a small smile. "I'm allowed to have the fantasy of it being romantic. At least for now. Later, when we wake, I'm sure I'll realize how terribly un-romantic it would be, though." He turned his hand in Victor's to intertwine their fingers, pulling him closer and placing a kiss on his neck. "You still owe me extra snuggles, you know."

"Lucky it was a language I understand, then." Victor certainly couldn't claim that he was a stranger to the sensation of not realising he was speaking in the wrong language for a while, especially when tired. He gave an amused hum; it really would be _very_ un-romantic, but he decided not to spoil Jim's sleepy illusion. Instead, he moved to gently guide Jim back underneath the covers, where it was warmer and more sleep-appropriate. "Right, yep. Extra snuggles can definitely be arranged right now. Warm ones, while you go back to sleep."

Jim very happily got underneath the blankets, wrapping himself around Victor and letting out a soft sigh. "Tá tú foirfe, i ngach slí." He murmured, placing a final kiss to Victor's neck before tucking his head in and letting his mind start to drift. Jim severely doubted he'd have any more nightmares, at least that night, so worry didn't keep him up for any time and he feel asleep rather quickly. (And he was right-- when Jim did wake up the next day it was only because he'd slept enough.)

Victor had no idea what that meant, but he was pretty sure it was complimentary, and it made him smile anyway. He slept for a few more hours before his mind decided it was time to be restlessly awake for no good reason. At that point he did very carefully slip away to the other room for the purpose of checking his leg was charged, and considering the possibilities briefly. In the end, finding a bathroom in which to put it back on was decided to be the best option, although he didn't bother to get properly dressed yet. (Maybe partly because he was pretty sure Jim would be curious about the workings of the knee, a little, and he didn't mind that part.) It made him feel a little better, anyway, and he'd definitely be more useful this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look @ me updating this fic how amazing #nice


	13. Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deep pillow talk with sausages and tea.

Now, there were a lot of things that would make Jim wake up. The faint sound of a door slamming open was one. Click of a gun being cocked. But having someone leave his bed wasn't, for various past reasons, and although he did end up shifting to where Victor _had_ been-- for warmth-- he didn't actually rouse for another stretch of time. It was only when the warmth eventually cooled out to average did Jim wake up, blinking his eyes open and frowning when Victor wasn't around. Now Jim had to get up and search, and that meant leaving his bed, and really he'd been looking forward to lazing in bed with Victor for a while. Jim stood up and pulled on a robe for extra warmth, leaving the room to start looking, softly calling out Victor's name a few times.

Victor heard Jim's voice just as he was finishing off, glancing towards the door for a moment. "I'm here," he called back, just loud enough to be heard. "Five minutes." He rushed a little after that, although he was aware that he still had to do it properly; he'd done rather well at perfecting that over the years all the same. He emerged a little while later, close to his target of five minutes, going to find where Jim had gotten to in the meantime. And carrying the folded wheelchair under one arm, because he felt he would forget otherwise.

Ah, bathroom. Considering the temperature of the bed Victor must have been out for a while-- Jim'd guess taking a shower but he hadn't been awaken by or heard water so Victor was probably putting on his prothetic. Valid reason to disappear. "Alright." Jim went to the kitchen to start cooking breakfast, going for toast and sausages this time. Slightly healthier. Had protein, at the least. He'd just put the toast on plates and was cooking the sausages when Victor came in, and Jim glanced over, looking him over before smiling. "Morning, gorgeous."

Damn Jim and his sudden onslaught of being nice and also very gorgeous himself. And smiling, that didn't help. And making breakfast. All of it culminated in making Victor blush and get himself all flustered, despite the fact he had only been in Jim's presence for about a grand total of thirty seconds. He cleared his throat and turned away for a moment to put the wheelchair somewhere out of the way, as if that totally disguised his reaction. "Bastard," Victor told him, going to lean against the counter for a moment to press a kiss to Jim's cheek. "You're far too potent to be allowed."

Jim raised an eyebrow, leaning into the kiss on his cheek but otherwise mostly just feeling confused. "Pardon?" Potent? "What in the world are you on about?" Jim shot Victor an amused look and looked back to the pan to put the the sausages on a plate, as well as some toast, then walked the plate over to the table and put it down in the center so he and Victor could take from it. He got smaller plates for placing food on, as well. There. Breakfast ready.

You're potent," Victor answered, though since that didn't really help at all he made a vague gesture and continued. "As in having great power, or influence. You effect me in a very overwhelming and extreme way." There, that seemed to make a bit more sense. He would admit that he sometimes didn't realise when he was being confusing nowadays; spending so much time with someone like Evelyn skewed one's definitions of normal speech. She did it a lot more, and in far more intricate ways. He sat down, shifting a little to get vaguely comfortable. "Thank you, for the breakfast."

"Oh." Jim blushed, maybe, a bit, "Right. Of course." Made sense, in hindsight, although Jim wouldn't have guessed it. Why did Victor always have to say incredibly flattering things while he was out of kissing distance? Very unfair. Jim picked up a piece of toast and started to nibble at it. "You're welcome for breakfast." Jim replied, moving a sausage to his plate as well. "Oh, I forgot to make tea. "Jim frowned, putting down his toast and standing up again to put on the kettle.

"I will forgive the lack of tea," Victor told him with an amused smile, leaning a little to get himself food. Okay, maybe with everything that happened yesterday he had forgotten that proper dinner was a thing that ought to happen, but this totally made up for it. There were sausages and everything. "Partly maybe because I didn't remember about it either. Surprisingly easy to forget these things when there's a brilliant breakfast at the same time."

And Victor complained about Jim making him blush. If anything, it was probably about an equal amount. But it certainly felt like Jim blushed more. He turned to look at Victor while the kettle boiled. (Well, maybe more like admire more than just look, but close enough.) "You're too sweet." He replied, turning back when the kettle clicked and pouring the tea before realizing he hadn't made Victor tea before. "How do you take your tea?"

Victor went to answer, and then had to stop himself, looking a little sheepish. "I was going to say 'however it comes', but that's really not very helpful." It was the kind of thing people said when they 'didn't want to be a bother', which generally seemed to end with them being more bothersome than otherwise. And Victor tried his best not to be that person, although he was pretty sure he managed to do it anyway. "Milk, no sugar. Cheers."

Jim laughed lightly, getting some milk from the fridge. "That's my default, so you're officially as little of a bother as one can manage, tea-wise." Which Jim was relatively certain Victor had been worried about. He added milk to Victor's before putting the milk away, returning to the table with two cups of tea and placing Victor's in front of him before sitting down. "Alright, now I'm fairly certain I can sit and relax, unless there's anything else you'd like?"

"Well done me, I think," Victor answered with a quick grin. Jim was really rather good at working out what he was worried about, honestly, whether it was deliberate or not. "No, I'm all good." And very hungry, hence the fact that he proceeded to get started on the breakfast, which really was very good. Possibly that had something to do with the former fact, but still, he was sure it would be good even without that part. Frankly, anyone else making him breakfast still felt a bit like a miracle.

"Indeed. Good on you for being easy, Vic." Jim teased, allowing himself an amused grin. Because, honestly, they had both already talked about sleeping around in university days, and Jim found that type of comment never stung when coming from someone who actually did know how troublesome that reputation could be. And hopefully Victor would find that, too. Jim picked up his cup of tea, taking a nonchalant sip. He was probably overthinking it, anyway. It was just a teasing comment. And Victor had seemed fine talking about it before.

Victor gave Jim an almost wicked grin at that; partly just pleased that he had actually remembered that previous conversation, and partly because he had found it far funnier than was perhaps reasonable. "I shall whole-heartedly take that one as a compliment, if you don't very much mind." He wasn't sure it was exactly a skill, but still. It was amusing, even if things had changed since then. "I shall store it up to counteract the practically decades-old negative comments."

Jim had been overthinking it, then. He quirked an eyebrow, swallowing his mouthful of tea and putting down his mug. "Mm, you should. It was a compliment. For apparently being able to seduce anyone you put your mind to." At least, that's how Jim liked to think of it. Not that he could remember seducing half of them-- but he couldn't remember killing most of the people he done that too either though, so he supposed it wasn't that surprising.

"I would take a bow, if it wasn't an awful lot of unnecessary effort," he answered, gesturing to the table and the half-finished meal. "I did continue to be really very good at it for work for a long while, you know." People were more willing to share information that way, anyhow. It had been a tool for a while-- but, well, that hadn't happened in the past five years, or thereabouts. It was too much trouble now, and he was far too recognisable undressed anyway. 

"Ah, yes. The amount of things people won't notice just before, during, or just after sex is incredible." Although, admittedly, Jim implementing that tactic led to the person dead half the time. And Jim wearing more than a little bit of blood. Sex wasn't usually preluded by discussion of limits, and sometimes people would do something that sparked a flashback, and, well, that never ended well for them. "And it really takes is being able to work out someone's preference." And maybe Jim was a bit curious about something. "Have you worked out what mine is?"

"Really shouldn't find it funny, but it kind of can be sometimes." People just got so damn oblivious and he couldn't help but be a little amused by it sometimes. It was mean, probably, but it had been very much all part of the job for a while. And he didn't exactly mind at the time. Victor glanced up at that last question, raising an eyebrow at the other man. "I can't say it has been by priority so far." But, well, maybe he had given it slightly more than a passing thought. "Though-- mmh. I wouldn't say worked out. I might get there eventually; I'm out of practice."

"It shouldn't?" Jim feigned a guilty look. "Oops. I always find it to be. I mean, I'm sorry, but if someone doesn't notice being flat out unsubtly robbed they probably deserve to be laughed at, at least a little bit." Then again, that had more than just sex beforehand. Also some fighting and celebrating, so the woman had been understandably exhausted. "Ah, good." Jim breathed out a sigh of relief. "Because I haven't the foggiest what your's may be, despite my efforts, and if you'd worked out mine I'd just feel completely silly."

"Damn me, having some kind of weird moral thing about making fun of people." Yeah, and he basically killed people for a living, so that just made it even more odd. He had to admit that his sense of morality had been a little messed up by years of being in grey areas, and on the wrong side of it most of the rest of the time. That last part made Victor laugh again, though he had to admit, he was maybe a little relieved himself. At least they were on the same page, after all. "Well, that makes things a little easier. There's still a lot to work out, I think." He paused for a moment, before adding: "It always feels a lot more difficult to work out when I care about the person in question, as it stands."

Jim wrinkled his nose in theatric disgust. "Ew. Morals. Those sound annoying." And icky, too, probably. In any case, Jim mostly just did what stroke his fancy. At the least, he didn't kill for the sake of killing but rather as a side affect of his job. That was something, right? Made him slightly less evil? "Yeah, I find that too, admittedly." Jim smiled softly. "And we do have the tendency to just sort of explicitly say things instead of have the other work them out, which is doubtfully helping." Wait no, that came out wrong. "I mean, I like the talking, of course, it is different but a good kind of different and-- I just mean it probably wasn't helping us stay in practice. With working things out."

Victor made a face. "They didn't used to be." There was a time when it was all easy when it came to morals, but that was an awful long time ago now, and it seemed terribly distant. All tied up in a different place, and a different time when they were helpful rather than being a hindrance. "Good for the avoiding terrible things happening, not so good for the whole keeping up with the working people out like that thing," he said, with a little nod. Clarification of understanding seemed to be a good idea, anyway. "Awful abrupt honesty is both a blessing and a curse, but I do generally find that it makes things easier." So it also had a tendency to make him feel like he was being overly bothersome, but he was better at ignoring that feeling nowadays. A little. And avoiding things like the tea.

Jim wasn't entirely sure to reply to that-- as he'd said, diagnosed psychopathy by the time he was twelve. Never really had much in the way of morals. He'd been taught, of course, what morals he should have and what he should feel bad for, but they'd never really affected him. People he was close to were the obvious exceptions to that-- he definitely could empathize for them. But others... not so much. So Jim decided not to reply, carrying on to the next question bit. "Yeah." Thank goodness for Victor's rather helpful powers of understanding. "Down the line, at least, though it doesn't always seem good in the short run." Although, so far it'd worked out fine for him and Victor. Hopefully it'd stay like that, for a while. And not come back round to bite Jim.

That was true, at least. At the time when such brutal, soul-bearing honesty happened it seemed awful far more often than it felt good, as far as Victor had experienced. Perhaps that would be different if he wasn't so damn paranoid about other people at least half the time, and if he didn't have such a thing about actually letting people know when he felt vulnerable or incapable. That train of thought distracted him terribly for some long moments, before he pulled himself back towards reality and gave Jim a quite sudden, apologetic look. "Got lost for a moment there." 

Alright, so for the first few moments Jim wasn't terribly concerned. Everyone wanted a few seconds to collect their thoughts, sometimes. Otherwise things could come out horrible mixed and jumbled up. But then it went on a bit longer and Jim was a bit worried. Thankfully, soon after Victor did speak and Jim concern was able to leave. "Did a bit, yeah." Jim agreed, and now that he wasn't wondering if Victor was having some sort of horrible memory creep up on him he went back to eating taking a bit of his sausage and swallowing before saying, "Anything you'd be willing to share or something you'd prefer not to?"

The distractibility didn't entirely disappear, Victor choosing to finish off his breakfast before he even considered answering, a little frown colouring his expression. "It's nothing, really. I was just thinking about honesty," he answered eventually, glancing up to meet Jim's gaze. "Honesty and paranoia and the soul-bearing nature of it all. I maybe sometimes have a tendency to get lost in ideas. By the way. I feel like I should point that out now, on a minor occasion where explaining is easy, you see. And then it's over and done with." Oops. He hoped that didn't count as bringing down the mood.

Soul-bearnig nature of it all. Even when talking about things like this, Victor still managed to be ridiculously poetic. "Yeah, so do I, if we're talking about it." Usually lost in negative ideas that led to bad things, but sometimes Jim simply started coming up with a story or couldn't quite remember a formula and he got stuck on the thought for a while-- it wasn't _always_ bad. "And I may be a bit paranoid, too. And because this is a relatively easy time to say things, and we were recently talking about honestly-- I really do like kissing you but _not_ with the door open. There's the chance that someone could see, and..." And, well, paranoia. "Yeah."

"That's okay. Can understand the feeling, anyhow--. I'll remember." There were certain things he made a huge effort to manage to remember (and it could be rather a large effort, especially when circumstances culminated), and those kinds of things were definitely included in them. "Paranoia, though-- mmh. I could make some poetic comparison, probably, but I won't, because it really doesn't deserve it and I'm not sure it would help in the explanation. It can be a bit of an issue." Since he was going with the theme of warning, may as well carry on, right? If there was ever a time for it to manage to come up in conversation, it was now, and Victor had this tendency to feel terribly guilty when he just sprung these things on them. "Well, I say a _bit_."

Jim wrapped one hand around his cup of tea because this conversation was starting to walk the border of sad, slightly, and warmth always brought up his mood a bit. Even if it was just a little bit of warmth, and terribly silly. "Thank you." Jim had, admittedly, been worried Victor would be offended or something, and was rather relived he seemed fine with the little complaint. Complaint-type-thing. And Jim was going to comment on the rest of what Victor was saying-- or, he would have-- but he seemed to be building up to something. And Jim would much prefer he got out what he'd like to say instead of being interrupted and deciding against it, because Jim did want to know so that he could avoid whatever Victor took an issue with. So instead he looked attentive and tilted his head, silently asking Victor to continue. 

Victor tried his best to convince himself to just bloody _say it already_ , because it would make things easier later, because if Jim stuck around long enough it was bound to happen. Anyway, once he did, he could find something far nicer to talk about, and it'd be even less on either of their minds. So. "Basically, you don't want to be around me when I have a full-on paranoid episode. Because it's really not okay. For anyone. I mean-- pretty shitty for me, because I'm not in an at all rational place and functioning goes out the window, but also apparently pretty crap for other people who happen to be around. Something about not being able to help 'til I've calmed down, apparently." He shrugged faintly. "It's when I can't go into my own damn home, and everything's a threat, and-- yeah. Words don't entirely do it justice. I would advise you to avoid being around if that ever happens, or something. I just-- it's better it's not completely out of the blue, I guess. Anyway. You might be lucky."

Well, Jim didn't much care for what other people thought about whether they could help at all, or when they could. That was hardly important to Victor and Jim, and Victor in general now. "If you don't think I could help, or would prefer to be alone, I'll let you be during those." Jim said, then paused because he wasn't entirely sure on how to put the next bit without sounding terribly rude and dismissive to those in Victor's pasts, who he probably did still care about at least a little, so that wouldn't help. "I-- hm." Jim bit the inside of his lip for a moment. "I don't imagine it's pretty, and this is me acknowledging that it's undoubtedly awful for everyone involved as you said. And I'm also acknowledging people not being able to help in the past, and then getting annoyed at you, or however the negative reaction went. But it sounds like it might help you feel better if there was someone there--" Maybe just someone Victor knew he could trust, and Jim knew he might not be that person. "--so despite the horribleness, if you want me there or think I could help, I'll be there. Is what I mean."

Victor gave a faint nod, staying quiet for a few moments as he considered how to answer properly, with it making all good sense and being accurate to what he was thinking. Translating thoughts to words wasn't always easy, after all. "Yeah, I-- people aren't always the best but it's all--- it does depend on the person." He bit his lip, his frown deepening briefly. It was difficult, too, because he knew he had a tendency to experience things which edged the territory of paranoid delusions, which had more than once resulted in accidentally offending people. As if he could control it, anyway. Some of those people weren't the best. "It's just the part when familiar people and things can be-- well. It all gets twisted up in my head, and familiar things don't always survive that any better than the rest." Dear god, he felt it ought to be a little easier to explain. "But it can-- sometimes. Sometimes it helps to have someone around to help prove it's safe. At least I'm mostly sure you're not one to get offended over these kinds of things. It can be a bit like that."

Jim chanced a soft smile, giving a nod. "I'll understand enough. To know it was the paranoia. I'm not saying I won't be hurt at all, of course, because I can't promise that." And they were still both being rather painfully honest. "But I won't let it get in the way of anything, and I'll be able to get over it rather quickly. After a moment or two of rational thought." That Jim could promise. He would definitely, absolutely force himself to get over to help Victor, if Victor wanted or needed his help. He might feel melancholy about it later, and maybe ask for a little bit of reassurance once things were fine again, but as long as thing's weren't fine Jim would be. "Also, if I am there and I do appear to be making things worse, would you prefer I leave? Because I might not be entirely able to accurately gauge how I'm impacting you, in relation to how you act, so I hoping you'd have an idea for whether I should default stay or leave, if I'm unsure." Really, this was about adapting to fit Victor's needs in case something like that did happen, so Jim would like to know how best to adapt. 

"Thank you." Victor gave a soft sigh; it was a little relieving to know that at least in the moment, Jim wouldn't take it too personally. Because getting convinced that someone you kind of probably loved was a threat and being utterly terrified because of it really wasn't flattering. Instead, there was just a lot of offence, most of the time. "Yeah, it's-- probably better. At least at first. I kind of know how to deal with it when I'm on my own, see, but---" He stopped, and grimaced. "I think. If I'm somewhere familiar-- properly familiar, home, basically --it's okay to leave me alone. But if it's unfamiliar, it's probably not such a good idea, because otherwise I kind of lose anything to ground myself in what's real and okay and not going to bloody kill me. Depends how bad it is, too. There are times when I can get lost down my own street and everyone's-- a threat, and others when I'm just horribly jumpy and hypervigilant. Basically, it's all very confusing and I have next to no idea myself, and it's bound to be a bit of a car crash of an experience either way, so it probably doesn't make too much of a difference."

Whether or not Victor thought it made that much of a difference, Jim was very grateful for the knowledge. If Victor was home, stay. If not, go. General baseline for if Jim couldn't tell if he was helping or hurting. He mentally wrote that out at least three times to make sure he'd remember, for sure. "Alright." And because this entire discussion had seemed to make Victor rather strung, or at least rather tense, Jim carefully stood up and walked around to his side of the table, leaning down for a soft kiss. He knew that, sometimes, discussing certain things could bring on symptoms of them. Even if just a bit. So he had made sure to stand up slightly more slowly than he would usually, and not walk quite as quietly. Small, to be more noticeable, but not too dramatic so Victor wouldn't think Jim thought he was fragile, or anything like that. Because Victor very clearly wasn't fragile. No one who counted as fragile would still be standing after dealing with all these things. Jim slipped a hand into Victor's hair as he pulled back, lightly resting his fingertips on Victor's hairline for half a second as a small warning, and this time he thought a smile would actively help, and didn't worry too much about giving a soft one. "Thank you. For telling me. And for not getting terribly offended when I wanted you to leave last night."

It took Victor a while to relax under Jim's touch, though he gave him a soft smile instead, partly to reassure him that what he was doing was fine, even if he was still a little tense. He needed to not get caught up in the thoughts right now, because otherwise he knew there was a possibility of it going wrong, and Jim was safe right now. Grounding, a point of stillness in his thoughts. Even if he still felt as if that was a little ironic. "It's okay." He leant up to steal another kiss, slowly managing to relax some more. "So long as it turned out helpful in the end, one way or another. And you did decide that even me falling on you would be romantic in the end, so frankly, that would have cancelled out any offence you'd done earlier." Honestly, he was just glad that he'd managed to not make it worse, as far as he knew, and that Jim had come to seek him out when he felt ready. At least he might have some better idea what to do next time.

Jim paused. "I decided what now?" So, yes, Jim knew he was in the middle of comforting and soft kisses and they were being reassuring and caring but-- oh dear. In theory, there could be a really well placed fall where one ended up leaning over the other but for Jim that wouldn't go well. He didn't mind things like that casually, but when it was sudden and unexpected he could react badly. Basically, he had absolutely no idea what had possessed him to think a fall would be romantic, in any way shape or form. "I mean-- yes, you were very helpful and everything you did was much appreciated, especially what I can remember-- but what? Seriously?" Jim sighed. _Note to self: talk less when tired. Maybe just make confirming or disparaging hums._

Okay, Victor had to stifle a laugh at that, even if he was still a little close to getting in a state. "I did try to tell you," he insisted, a slow grin spreading across his features. "But you seemed pretty sure that I oughtn't destroy your sleepy insistence. Not in so many words, but still." His expression softened, and he gave a faint shrug. "Apparently, when one is transferring from a wheelchair to a bed, should one happen to theoretically fall, it's more romantic to fall on another person. I can't say I believe it myself. Sounds like a terrible idea, for many, many reasons."

Jim held a hand up to his face, trying to cover the very sudden embarrassed blush that he could feel colouring his neck and face. Brilliant. Victor had even pointed out how ridiculous it was, but of course last night Jim had decided against taking that into account and instead had simply gone into denial. Perfect. "Christ. I'm sorry. I did warn you tired me was a bit... spacy, didn't I?" Thinking back on it, he'd mentioned the lack of speaking english when tired, but Jim wasn't sure he'd mentioned the slight tendency to be ridiculous. 

"You didn't," Victor answered, but there was fondness in his expression. Quite a lot too much of it, really, but he found himself hard pressed to prevent it at the memory. "But I guessed, so it's okay. Quite endearing, really, even if it wouldn't work out in reality." Tiredness did odd things to a person, anyway. Victor rather hoped that he wouldn't be held responsible for some of the things he said when he was completely exhausted, after all.

"Oh dear." Jim removed his hand, because he was pretty sure it wasn't actually hiding anyway. He leaned against the table slightly. "Just know that I'm far more practical when I'm well rested. And logical. And really have at least a bit of common sense, I'm fairly sure." Jim risked looking at Victor and, well, alright he hadn't been prepared to deal with such a warm gaze and found himself blushing and maybe smiling a bit. And maybe kissing Victor again, too.

Victor only broke the kiss when he finally really did have to move, because sitting was getting to be entirely the wrong position and not totally comfortable to start with. Admittedly, standing caused him to remember that he was still only wearing underwear and a t-shirt, but it definitely could have been worse. "I shall hold you accountable for no silliness that happens under the cover of sleeplessness, kochany." he promised, slipping an arm briefly around Jim's waist to draw him into one more kiss. 

"Thank you very much, mhuirnín. I'll do the same for you, then." Jim draped an arm over Victor's shoulder when he was pulled into another kiss, resting a hand on Victor's chest. The main paradox surrounding Victor, Jim realized, was that the idea of breaking off a kiss wasn't appealing at all, but also the idea of not talking to Victor wasn't very nice either, and Jim always had to chose between the two, unless Victor did first. "Bhí an saol i bhfad níos éasca roimh tú, ach freisin i bhfad níos measa." Which was worth saying, although there was the possibility Victor would understand it.

That last sentence made Victor give him a curious look; he'd not understood it, but he had caught a few choice words of it. Or at least, he thought he had, and it was enough to make the sentence interesting, and make him want to know the full of it. He wasn't entirely sure that he ought to ask, though, because between them that often seemed to be the entire purpose of other languages, besides French. So. "See, now you've confused me. Terrible habit, that."

Jim laughed lightly, stealing a chaste kiss. "You've made my life incredibly confusing, with lots of new exceptions." And new _I think my feelings are actually reciprocated_ emotions which were terribly odd and Jim didn't quite know what to do with them. As well as suddenly having to work out would it be better to go see Victor now because it might be annoying, but I'm also getting bad and he might, but would he help or not-- very confusing. "But better."

"Oh, well." He gave a bright smile, maybe a little wild at the edges, but certainly conveying something. He wasn't sure what, but hey, he couldn't know everything all the time. "I must admit that you're having a very similar effect on my life in return. So I'll be flattered and also terribly confused by most of it, and you can perhaps do the same." Damn. He'd been doing quite well at not thinking about the bits he hadn't managed to work out, yet.

"I will." Jim assured, then tilted his head. "I'm fact, I'm pretty sure I already am doing that. You're causing a lot of confusion, honestly. This is not at all what I thought would happen when I invited you over that night." Just a brief summary, and then maybe sleeping with him, depending, and now Jim found himself thinking about things other than work or Sherlock. It was, admittedly, fairly confusing. And maybe a bit worrying, but mostly a good confusing, probably.

Probably.


	14. I Really Can't Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disgusting fluff. Minimal angst. Probably the peak of happiness for these two in this rp.

"Me neither." No, definitely not. The plan was not to infiltrate the bloody criminal network then sleep in his bed and try to help after nightmares and tell him things that only one person had only ever really understood before, and only a few had seen. Affection and something that he feared counted as love, rather than just graveside poetry and lost lovers, and subterfuge. "I'm pretty sure you know what my original intention was. It's safe to say that's changed."

"Oh, the taking me down thing?" It hadn't actually been that obvious, admittedly, but Jim was rather paranoid and a terribly suspicious person by nature, so. He'd been looking out for all the little signs. "Yeah, unless you're a better actor than I am, pretty sure you'd not do that now." Best not to talk about it though because bringing it up did reawaken Jim's suspicions, just a bit, because technically Victor could be that good of an actor but really, if he was, Jim'd prefer to let himself be tricked. Which was a startling thought. "Ahem. Anyway."

Victor gave a kind of sheepish smile. "Yeah, well. I'd not be very good at that kind of thing in the long run." It was kind of hard to keep up such an intricate fiction when you were liable to be horribly honest when in a vulnerable state. "Anyway," (not good to dwell, he thought, because it made him wonder about truth too), "I'm sure there was something I was planning to do this morning. But I've no idea what it actually was, now. You've been too distracting for me to remember anything apart from things about you."

Jim raised an eyebrow, giving a small grin. "Well, if it's something particularly fun I press you to remember." He teased, because lightening the mood seemed like a good idea and flirting always seemed to do that, with Victor at least. "Or if it was pampering me, because if you were planning to do that and then forgot, if be entirely heartbroken." He faked a very theatric heartbroken look, holing his hand over his heart to add to the drama.

Victor tried his best to keep a straight face, he really did. It was just that it was kind of impossible with Jim being so amazingly theatrical, and he barely managed to stifle his laughter. "If you do _that_ , there's no way I'd even manage to stay focused enough to pampered you, you know. I'll have to lay on the floor a lot. Well known strategy for coping with overdramatic friends, that is."

Jim grinned, dropping his hand. "Well, I can't say that I'd mind you lying on my floor in theory, but it may end up just being horribly teasing of me." He sent Victor a wink. "I may be willing to pause flirting if it does mean I get pampered, though." Maybe. It was hard to resist flirting with Victor. But Jim did rather like the idea Victor in particular pampering him.

"I suppose we _could_ come to some kind of compromise there. _Maybe_ some flirting is fine. I'll consider it, anyway." he smirked back at Jim, before finally moving a little way backwards away from him to lean against the counter, prosthetic leg crossed over the good one in a movement that almost looked natural. Pretty good, if he said so himself. Not good enough to be more than a fleeting thought when Jim was right there. "What kind of pampering do we think would be involved in this awful and terrific plan, then?"

Jim grinned, stepping forward and placing his hands on the counter on either side of Victor, leaning in for what would probably be considered more than just a bit of flirting, but it wasn't verbal so maybe it didn't count. "Don't mind what type. As long as it counts as papering and it's you doing it." He murmured, placing a soft kiss on Victor's throat. "Bonus points if you stay so scantily clad." Jim added, pulling back slightly but keeping his hands in place.

Victor ducked his head down towards Jim a little more, and god, it was strange how little moments like this could feel more intimate than so much more. He gave a slow smile, before pulling back slightly again. "Oh, I don't know. Very easy to accidentally freeze to death when so scantily clad. And I'm not sure you'll be able to hold of jumping me forever, you know, what with the being practically half naked." Very difficult task, that, though of course Jim was capable. They had decided as much last night.

Hm. True. Victor was staying exceedingly tempting. That plus pampering may simply be too much for Jim to take. Jim relented after a moment of thought. "Alright. You should either put on more clothes first, then, or I might be forced to seduce you. Only because you're incredibly gorgeous, though." Otherwise Jim'd have the willpower to resist, clearly. "You as is is already putting a strain on my willpower. Hence the closeness. I wouldn't be able to take this plus luxuries, I'm sure."

"Mmh, no. And imagine the horror that would befall if you were forced to seduce me?" A terrible fate for both of them, he was sure. "Nothing desirable in that. My least favourite thing. Oh, wait." He paused, feigning surprise at himself. "I think I might be confusing seduction and something completely different. Like having to take the bins out at night. Very different."

Jim grinned, leaning forward for a kiss. "I know. And trust me, when it does happen I most certainly will enjoy it." But that when bit was what was giving Jim pause, because he had the tendency to either have sex with a person or a some semblance of a relationship. He hadn't really combined them before. So Jim pulled back slightly, maybe looking a touch nervous. "But... not today. Or tomorrow. Or probably anytime soon, really. I mean, maybe, but probably not."

"No rush." Victor's expression softened, moving to touch Jim's shoulder lightly, briefly and with some intent at affection. "I mean that. Considering my last relationship involved precisely no seduction whatsoever, I think I'll manage." Damn it, he had implied this was a relationship, now. Not that it was necessarily a problem, but... He wasn't sure yet. Wasnt sure whether Jim thought of it that way, anyhow. "We're all good."

Jim's shoulders un-tensed, although he hadn't realized they had at all, and he gave a soft nod. "Alright." Victor definitely sounded like he would be able to deal, if he'd had an asexual partner before. Jim sighed, "God, you're putting up with a lot with me." Nightmares, overly specific triggers, and now a pause before sex. Despite teasing the subject strongly over texts. _Such a great catch._

Victor shook his head at that; it hadn't felt like that for even a moment. He supposed maybe, logically, it should-- but he could understand where Jim was coming from and why it was significant, so... it all seemed fine. Still, he gave him a faintly amused smile. "Nah. Just you wait; I'm going to even it out. Together, we could possibly cover most areas of dysfunction. See-- brilliant match." He paused, and continued in a more serious tone. "It's not a matter of putting up with things, Jim. None of this is remotely like a burden."

That was probably true. And they even had some overlap. Definitely at least covered the paranoia spectrum, with Jim's presenting in small ways constantly and then Victor's apparently being sudden and very dramatic for shorter spans of time. Quite the pair. "I know. Logically, I know that." But it still felt like he was being a burden, sometimes. "I'm sorry. I know that, of course, because I hardly see you as a burden." Jim pressed a kiss to Victor's jaw. "I'm just being silly. Ignore me."

Victor rested his fingers at Jim's cheek for a moment, meeting his gaze and giving a faint melancholy smile. "But knowing is different from feeling it, right? Me too." It was one of those things that would present at moments like this, when one felt as if too much had gone wrong for anyone reasonable to stick around-- or that's how it often seemed to Victor. He kissed Jim briefly, tenderly, before pulling away again. "It's not silly. And I tend to be half decent at reminders, sometimes."

Jim returned the kiss, of course, and smiled when Victor pulled away before suddenly becoming very worried about how caring the kiss had been, and how he'd unhesitatingly returned the emotion, and how that hinted at something Jim decided against thinking about more because it was doubtfully reciprocated and even then, it was just the possibility of a feeling so it really didn't need any contemplation. And then he realized he really should be replying right about now. "Yeah. I'll feel it eventually, I'm sure. And I'll be here to assure you until you do, as well."

Victor raised an eyebrow at the silence that was perhaps prolonged just a little longer than it usually would have been-- barely at all, mind; perhaps it was just that and a flicker of expression that made him wonder --but didn't ask. "We're definitely doing well with the whole honesty thing today, hm? But I believe there was something about clothes going on around here."

"Well, I think we've been pretty good with the honestly since you first came, excluding the taking me down plan." But with anything else, probably. At least Jim had been, and Victor had appeared to be. "Ah, yes, go put on some clothes so you can pamper me with both of us feeling comfortable. I'll probably pamper you, after, for the sake of fairness."

"Yeeees, well. Can't be perfect all the time." Honestly, that one had gone out the window far too quickly. It was bothering him maybe a little, but, well-- the more recent feelings towards Jim overwhelmed that all too easily. Awful. "Mmh. Still need to try to remember how this pampering thing works. It's been a while." He pushed away from the counter a little, testing his weight almost subconsciously before he relaxed.

Jim smiled softly, stealing a chaste kiss. "Don't worry, darling, it's not like I hold it against you." Victor had morals, and Jim could imagine those would press him to try and depower someone like Jim. Although it really wouldn't be logical-- power vacuum and all that. There was probably more to it, but Jim pushed that from his mind and steeped back when Victor pushed off the counter. "Well, I could pamper you first to help you remember."

"Well-- I hardly think that would be fair." He wasn't sure quite why, but he could work that out later. He started back towards the bedroom, since that was where his trousers still were, although he thought he might have left his jacket where he retreated to last night. Probably needed to remember about all of that. "Pampering is just a very wide definition. For example, I have none of those tiny fish."

Considering the 'in the middle of a conversation' thing, Jim followed Victor to the room, leaning against the doorway. "Nor do I, admittedly. Also admittedly, I was just joking when I brought this idea up, so you don't actually have to do anything." Well, Victor wouldn't have to anyway, but it was more that Jim wasn't expecting anything. So Victor shouldn't feel obligated to do anything.

Victor turned back to him for a moment, leaning down to pick up his trousers from the floor and turning them the right way round. He was pretty sure it was impossible to take trousers off without doing that. "Still think its a good idea, though, as far as things go. Although at some point, I admit, I may have to leave. Eventually. Apparently, I have a job. Not that you'd know anything about that." Not like he worked for him or anything. Nope.

"Yeah, I do as well, sadly." And more so, he really did have a job in particular Victor'd be well-suited for. Which should really get done by tomorrow afternoon at the latest. Plus there were a few things Jim had been ignoring in favor of paying attention to Victor that he'd have to start paying attention to again today. "Alright. Little bit of whatever pampering you'd like, then you'll go and I'll have a job sent to you and I'll catch up on everything I've been pretending doesn't exist."

Victor made a face. "Ugh, responsibilities. And I was so enjoying living in this subspace." He could ignore a lot while he was here, admittedly-- most things apart from memories and personal demons. But it probably wasn't the best idea to keep on doing that for long, and it wouldn't work even if it was a good idea. "Does sound sensible, though." He sat down to pull on his trousers, giving Jim a fleeting smile. "Who knows what would happen if I went too long without practice, too."

Subspace was nice, admittedly. A lot like an extended vacation. And technically, Jim could make it reality. He had more than enough money to retire on and keep living in the same manner. And he could pay for Victor, too. Although as perfect as Victor was, Jim knew he'd eventually get bored, and then irritable, and things would go badly. Really, work was for the best. "Fair point." Jim walked over and sat on the bed behind Victor, kissing the back of his neck. "Even so, I find myself loath to let you go."

Victor started a little at the kiss, mostly because he hadn't been paying proper attention and it was maybe a little vulnerable, but he relaxed again reasonably quickly. "It'd be because I'm just so great to be around. No downsides. And also you could sell me for far more than you could sell most people for." He frowned a little then, pausing a moment. "I realise that sounded a little bit weird. But it definitely made sense to start with."

Jim pulled back when Victor acted surprised, but slowly eased closer again when he seemed to relax, draping his arms over Victor's shoulders and laughing lightly. "S'alright. Pretty sure I got what you meant." Another kiss to Victor's neck, because Jim was relatively sure it wouldn't startle him that time. "And as much as I'd love to keep you-- wouldn't end well. Better to take breaks and be happy to see each other again and reluctant to part."

"Maybe I can schedule my next crisis for between times, too," he answered, mostly in jest, but with perhaps a small grain of truth. It was quite possible that he'd manage it accidentally, after all. He had to stand then, to finish putting on the jeans, because only getting it half-done felt pretty silly. "And find some exciting things to experience to tell you about next time."

"It'd be more efficient for you to do it during a meet up, so that I'd already be there instead of having to go over first." Jim pointed out, laying back down on the bed when Victor stood because, well, there wasn't much of a reason to stand and maybe Jim was starting to feel tired again already. Without the promise of something being worth staying up for-- Victor, most recently-- he was always exhausted, and wanting to be sleeping instead. "I'm always up for hearing exciting work stories."

"Was more planning on pretending it never happened, but that's a possibility too, I suppose." Victor leant over the edge of the bed once he was done, the positioning a little awkward for him, but workable. And he could lean down to press a kiss to Jim's jawline, which he promptly did. "It's probably best if I make a move before I become terribly enamoured with you again."

Jim tilted his head back, possibly inviting some throat kissing, maybe. "I'd prefer helping you, if possible, honestly, but whatever you'd like is fine." He shifted slightly, sending Victor an amused look. Make a move? "Are you saying you should leave or propose to me? Because I am rather fond of you but I think marriage is a bit sudden."

Victor rolled his eyes, and pressed a kiss to the side of Jim's neck, having to actually steady himself on the bed a little more. "I was suggesting leaving. Damn me and my insistence on using terrible colloquial language despite doing an entire English degree. The other option would be a little sudden." Another few kisses, before he had to straighten up. "Distracting me again. Positively damnable, you are."

Jim hummed in agreement, sitting up when Victor stood up and he slipped his arms around Victor, placing a kiss on his jawline. "Mm, I am. But I did include five minutes for supposed pampering in the plan, which means we have four minutes after now, and I really think it wouldn't be a terrible plan to spend that free time kissing. It helps burn calories, remember." Very reasonable and sensible. Jim left another kiss on Victor's neck, because in theory that'd be persuasive. 

Very scientific," Victor answered dryly, though there was a wry smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "M'kay. I suppose I can stay for precisely four minutes, if kissing is involved. No more, no less. Otherwise it'll all go terribly wrong, probably. He did sit down close to Jim, though, pressing a careful kiss to his jaw before kissing him properly.

Jim smiled, sliding a hand into Victor's hair and happily kissing back, shifting a bit closer again and half pressing against Victor. Quietly being very pleased that Victor had decided he could stay for four minutes, and half of Jim wanted to not count and hope Victor wouldn't either, but he really did have to get to work and started to keep tract of the seconds ticking by in his head. "Tu es parfaite." He murmured, ducking down to place kisses along Victor's neck.

Victor let out a soft little sigh, tipping his head to allow Jim easier access. He held him just a fraction closer, closing his eyes a moment and trying his best to keep track of the time. "Loin de là," he answered, but there was a smile in his tone. "But thank you." Just because he wasn't didn't mean he didn't like hearing it. Compliments were always nice. "Mais je suis enclin à vous appeler inégalée."

"Non, vous êtes. I mean, of course you're not flawless, but that doesn't mean you can't be perfect." In fact, the two were mutually exclusive, in Jim's mind. If someone didn't had any flaws then they'd be completely boring and unwinding, and hence far from perfect. He placed another kiss to Victor's throat before brushing his lips over Victor's. (And he tried to ignore the slight sting that came from Victor's words, as well, hushing the voice that said Jim used to be-- that he used to have a match-- because this wasn't the time for it. And he'd mourned enough already for a lifetime.)

Victor gave a low, disbelieving hum, but didn't object properly. Instead, he closed his eyes for a moment, concentrating on the sensation and trying not to get caught up in considerations. Still, he moved a hand to rest against Jim's skin, as a little reassurance that it was fine. "I should go," he said after another moment, giving a faint smile. "Dangerously close to losing my resolve."

Jim gave a disappointed sigh. Of course, he understood what Victor meant, kissing tended to just lead to more kissing with them until something tore them apart, and it was best that he leave now otherwise he may not leave for quite a while... alright, yes, Victor had a point. "Alright." One last kiss, though. Jim pressed his lips to Victor's, briefly, brushing his thumb over Victor's cheek before pulling back. "Adieu, belle."

Victor finally opened his eyes, giving him a brighter smile before finally standing up. He made his way to the door before pausing, shooting a glance back and adding, "Do zobaczenia wkrótce, miłość." And he needed to find his scarf and jacket, and then all would be fine. Other things could stick around here for the moment, probably. It'd be fine.

Well, that was probably some sort of 'goodbye' so Jim smiled softly, giving Victor a wave, watching him disappear through the door. And it was better than last time, because if someone was watching Jim's door they'd just see Victor leaving, but him leaving after spending the night and it could still be dangerous. Jim resolved to switch back to his main house later that day, and then Victor could visit him there, and it might be safer.

Victor collected his things and let himself out quietly, making an effort not to be overly conspicuous. At least anyone who saw him arrive would most likely be expecting a man in a wheelchair, or at least carrying one, so there was an off-chance that might help. Should anyone be watching. Which they probably weren't, he reminded himself. God, he could just _feel_ the nerves from that thought creeping up, and dismissed them as completely as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> every time i update this fic i feel a sense of accomplishment like no other
> 
> also the original title of this chapter was "fuck it who knows i really hope i remember to retitle this later" and i remembered to change it so go me times two


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